前两天在开智学堂公众号看到一篇文章《想提高写作?你需要知道这个聪明方法》,提到阳志平老师的一种写作练习法——译作练习法。用一句话来说,就是翻译《The Old Man and the Sea》原文,然后用余光中和张爱玲的译文来修改自己写的版本。
这种方法可以让我们专注于如何写,而不是写什么,可以做到刻意练习写作文笔,同时,这种方法有一定的难度,没有过度远离舒适区。
我一看到就觉得这个方法很棒,想要立刻开始写起来。第一次只写了一小段,写的磕磕绊绊,也看过一些原版书了,这是第一次真正一字一句地去翻译,比我想象中要花费更多时间。这是一个好的开始,真的能跟着大师学语文,而且以后再也不用去愁每个月四次的作业不知道写什么的这个问题了。
我写的版本:
他是一个老人,独自一人在小船上,漂在墨西哥海湾中捕鱼,他已经有八十四天没有捕到一条鱼了。前四十天,还有一个小男孩跟他一起捕鱼,但在四十天还没有补到一条鱼之后,男孩的父母说老人绝对是倒了霉运,男孩只能听父母的命令,去了另外一条船,这条船在第一周就捕到了三条大鱼。男孩离开后,每次看到老人一个人在他空空的小船上,他就特别伤心,于是经常去帮他搬运绳索,或是鱼叉,或是缠绕在桅杆上的帆。用面粉袋打补丁的帆布,缠绕起来,就像是被永久打败的旗帜。
张爱玲版:
他是一个老头子,一个人划着一只小船在墨西哥湾大海流打鱼,而他已经有八十四天没有捕到一条鱼了。在最初的四十天里有一个男孩和他在一起。但是四十天没捕到一条鱼,那男孩的父母就告诉他说这老头子确实一定是晦气星──那是一种最最走霉运的人──于是孩子听了父母的吩咐,到另一只船上去打鱼,那只船第一个星期就捕到三条好鱼。孩子看见那老人每天驾着空船回来,心里觉得很难过,他总去帮他拿那一卷卷的钩丝,或是鱼钩和鱼叉,还有那卷在桅杆上的帆。帆上用面粉袋打着补钉;卷起来的时候,看上去像永久的失败的旗帜。
英文原文:
He was an old man who fished alone in a skiff in the Gulf Stream and he had gone eighty-four days now without taking a fish. In the first forty days a boy had been with him. But after forty days without a fish the boy’s parents had told him that the old man was now definitely and finally salao, which is the worst form of unlucky, and the boy had gone at their orders in another boat which caught three good fish the first week. It made the boy sad to see the old man come in each day with his skiff empty and he always went down to help him carry either the coiled lines or the gaff and harpoon and the sail that was furled around the mast. The sail was patched with flour sacks and, furled, it looked like the flag of permanent defeat.