A recollection of that mysterious estrangement (隔阂) which had lately subsisted (存在) between herself and Albert, and which she could never thoroughly understand, was now beyond measure painful to her. {1}
Even the prudent and the good have before now hesitated to explain their mutual differences, and have dwelt in silence upon their imaginary grievances (不满), until circumstances have become so entangled (被缠住的), that in that critical juncture (紧要关头), when a calm explanation would have saved all parties, an understanding was impossible. {2}
And thus if domestic (家庭的) confidence had been earlier established between them, if love and kind forbearance (宽容) had mutually animated and expanded their hearts, it might not, perhaps, even yet have been too late to save our friend.
But we must not forget one remarkable (不平常的) circumstance.
We may observe from the character of Werther's correspondence, that he had never affected to conceal his anxious desire to quit this world.
He had often discussed the subject with Albert; and, between the latter and Charlotte, it had not unfrequently formed a topic of conversation.
Albert was so opposed to the very idea of such an action, that, with a degree of irritation (恼怒) unusual in him, he had more than once given Werther to understand that he doubted the seriousness (认真) of his threats, and not only turned them into ridicule, but caused Charlotte to share his feelings of incredulity (怀疑). {3}
Her heart was thus tranquillised (平静) when she felt disposed to view the melancholy subject in a serious point of view, though she never communicated to her husband the apprehensions she sometimes experienced.
Albert, upon his return, was received by Charlotte with ill-concealed embarrassment.
He was himself out of humour; his business was unfinished; and he had just discovered that the neighbouring official with whom he had to deal, was an obstinate (顽固的) and narrow-minded (心胸狭窄的) personage.
Many things had occurred (发生) to irritate him.
He inquired whether anything had happened during his absence, and Charlotte hastily answered that Werther had been there on the evening previously.
He then inquired for his letters, and was answered that several packages had been left in his study.
He thereon retired, leaving Charlotte alone.
The presence of the being she loved and honoured produced a new impression on her heart.
The recollection of his generosity (慷慨), kindness, and affection had calmed her agitation: a secret impulse prompted her to follow him; she took her work and went to his study, as was often her custom.
He was busily employed opening and reading his letters.
It seemed as if the contents of some were disagreeable. She asked some questions: he gave short answers, and sat down to write.
Several hours passed in this manner, and Charlotte's feelings became more and more melancholy.
She felt the extreme difficulty of explaining to her husband, under any circumstances, the weight that lay upon her heart; and her depression became every moment greater, in proportion as she endeavoured to hide her grief, and to conceal her tears.
The arrival of Werther's servant occasioned her the greatest embarrassment.
He gave Albert a note, which the latter coldly handed to his wife, saying, at the same time, "Give him the pistols. I wish him a pleasant journey," he added, turning to the servant.
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These words fell upon Charlotte like a thunderstroke: she rose from her seat half-fainting, and unconscious of what she did.
She walked mechanically toward the wall, took down the pistols with a trembling hand, slowly wiped the dust from them, and would have delayed longer, had not Albert hastened her movements by an impatient look.
She then delivered the fatal weapons to the servant, without being able to utter a word.
As soon as he had departed, she folded up her work, and retired at once to her room, her heart overcome with the most fearful forebodings (预感).
She anticipated some dreadful calamity (灾难).
She was at one moment on the point of going to her husband, throwing herself at his feet, and acquainting him with all that had happened on the previous evening, that she might acknowledge her fault, and explain her apprehensions; then she saw that such a step would be useless, as she would certainly be unable to induce Albert to visit Werther.{4}
Dinner was served; and a kind friend whom she had persuaded to remain assisted to sustain the conversation, which was carried on by a sort of compulsion (冲动), till the events of the morning were forgotten.
When the servant brought the pistols to Werther, the latter received them with transports of delight upon hearing that Charlotte had given them to him with her own hand.
He ate some bread, drank some wine, sent his servant to dinner, and then sat down to write as follows:
"They have been in your hands you wiped the dust from them.
I kiss them a thousand times -- you have touched them.
Yes, Heaven favours my design, and you, Charlotte, provide me with the fatal instruments.
It was my desire to receive my death from your hands, and my wish is gratified (满足的).
I have made inquiries of my servant. You trembled when you gave him the pistols, but you bade me no adieu.
Wretched, wretched that I am -- not one farewell!
How could you shut your heart against me in that hour which makes you mine for ever?
Charlotte, ages cannot efface the impression -- I feel you cannot hate the man who so passionately loves you!"
After dinner he called his servant, desired him to finish the packing up, destroyed many papers, and then went out to pay some trifling debts.
He soon returned home, then went out again, notwithstanding the rain, walked for some time in the count's garden, and afterward proceeded farther into the country.
Toward evening he came back once more, and resumed (继续) his writing.
"Wilhelm, I have for the last time beheld the mountains, the forests, and the sky. Farewell!
And you, my dearest mother, forgive me! Console her, Wilhelm. God bless you!
I have settled all my affairs! Farewell! We shall meet again, and be happier than ever."
"I have requited (报复) you badly, Albert; but you will forgive me.
I have disturbed the peace of your home. I have sowed distrust between you. Farewell! I will end all this wretchedness.
And oh, that my death may render you happy! Albert, Albert! make that angel happy, and the blessing of Heaven be upon you!"
He spent the rest of the evening in arranging his papers: he tore and burned a great many; others he sealed up, and directed to Wilhelm.
They contained some detached (孤立的) thoughts and maxims, some of which I have perused.
At ten o'clock he ordered his fire to be made up, and a bottle of wine to be brought to him.
He then dismissed his servant, whose room, as well as the apartments of the rest of the family, was situated in another part of the house.
The servant lay down without undressing, that he might be the sooner ready for his journey in the morning, his master having informed him that the post-horses would be at the door before six o'clock.
"Past eleven o'clock! All is silent around me, and my soul is calm.
I thank thee, O God, that thou bestowest strength and courage upon me in these last moments!
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I approach the window, my dearest of friends; and through the clouds, which are at this moment driven rapidly along by the impetuous winds, I behold the stars which illumine (照明) the eternal heavens.
No, you will not fall, celestial (天上的) bodies: the hand of the Almighty supports both you and me!
I have looked for the last time upon the constellation (星座) of the Greater Bear: it is my favourite star; for when I bade you farewell at night, Charlotte, and turned my steps from your door, it always shone upon me.
With what rapture have I at times beheld it! How often have I implored it with uplifted hands to witness my felicity (幸福)! and even still -- But what object is there, Charlotte, which fails to summon up your image before me?
Do you not surround me on all sides? and have I not, like a child, treasured up every trifle which you have consecrated by your touch?
"Your profile, which was so dear to me, I return to you; and I pray you to preserve it.
Thousands of kisses have I imprinted upon it, and a thousand times has it gladdened (使高兴) my heart on departing from and returning to my home.
"I have implored your father to protect my remains.
At the corner of the churchyard, looking toward the fields, there are two lime-trees -- there I wish to lie.
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Your father can, and doubtless will, do this much for his friend.
Implore it of him. But perhaps pious (虔诚的) Christians will not choose that their bodies chould be buried near the corpse of a poor, unhappy wretch like me.
Then let me be laid in some remote valley, or near the highway, where the priest and Levite may bless themselves as they pass by my tomb, whilst the Samaritan will shed a tear for my fate.{5}
