the goverment money should be invested in teaching science rather than other subjects so as to help a country make progress and develop. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Several days ago NASA announced they wanted to find water in other planets except Mars,with scientists inventing brand-new aircrafts.Turely we human cannot make a big progress without technology and inventions.So some people even think the goverment should only use money developing science and related subjects.In my view,other fields should also be explored and discovered when mankind do some researches about science. Consider that several decades ago if German and Japan owned advanced technologies and brilliant scientists when Nazi swept across the whole world.It is clear that the goverment should not only teach children how to invent weapons and planes but also instruct their minds to use tools wisely.Because so far science itself has been controlled by humans eventhough Google said they can devise self-awareness robots in next decade.Thus,in order to use technology correctly,we should educate our next generation humanities,which teach students integrity and goodness.In a word,virtue meet humans' interests. Another concern I want to mention is that there is no obviously boundary between different subjects such as chemistry ,physics and philosophy.I can even say it is very harmful the goverment only study science itself.For example,Steve jobs ,who was a famous electronic celebrity,actually very believed Buddhism.As a result,he advocated applying Buddhism philosophy to iPhone.It had lead to a revolution when he first proposed that focus is kind of resouce for human,which can be consumed by a large amount of useless information.As can be seen in iPhone's design and screen,which are very plain and simple.Moreover,Steve even had used Buddhism philosophy to invent a efficient electronic circuit,which we can hardly believe.we should build a bridge between different subjects. That is not to says the goverment should not invest in science,when we look back in our history,we can easily find the big event such as industry revolution,Internet,are alway assocated with technology.However,science itself cannot walk far alone. In summary,the goverment like an athelete,when he participates an competition,natural science is just like his equipment,but the humanity is his rule. Name:Tibetan genggedaojie Overall this essay scored in the region of a 6 Task response This scored in the region of a 7 This is a question I see springing up a bit in IELTS and I'm suspicious it's because most IELTS coordinators come from a humanities based background. Generally, this question sparks a debate over the importance of science over the arts. You chose to come at it from a different approach and I have to say, when it was good, it was outstandingly good! When it wasn't so good, it was a little confusing though so do take care. Let's start with what you did well. Your second paragraph, about how philosophy and religious philosophy can influence and help further science was inspired and absolutely brilliant. I can't tell you how absorbing and fascinating those points were. Indeed they were some of the best points I've seen made in an IELTS essay and I'll look at them again briefly when talking about specific examples. Your first paragraph however wasn't quite so successful. It came to a lovely conclusion about the importance of teaching morality but it was a bit awkward before that. Indeed at one point you mention teaching children to invent weapons: 'It is clear that the goverment should not only teach children how to invent weapons and planes but also instruct their minds to use tools wisely.' This was an odd thing to say and whilst after some thinking I think I understand why you said it, but overall the first paragraph just didn't quite work. It seemed to leap from weapons, to artificial intelligence rather confusingly. However, if you had mentioned the need to teach morality and kindness first, the correlation between those two points would have worked better. So let's move onto looking at specific examples. Now as you know, what examiners really want to see, on top of an intelligent debate, are specific examples to back the arguments up. Aim for two specific examples per task two essay. If you write an essay that looks at two sides of an issue, then try to include a specific example to support each side. The trick here is to make your examples really specific. Talking about how something affects people in general isn't good enough. Talk about your own experience or the experience of a colleague or family or a famous person. Use history, businesses or science. Just be nice and specific. One sentence per example is enough. There were three specific examples in this essay and some worked and some didn't. I loved your comment on NASA looking for water in your introduction, however the essay didn't go on to talk about this kind of scientific research so it didn't really fit in. Instead it made your introduction overly long and confused things rather than clarified things. Take care here. I'm perfectly happy with just two specific examples. Your second specific example was about WW2. Now WW2 is my specialist subject area and I spent 11 years studying the aviation aspect of it; so I'm always happy to see a mention of it. Indeed most Brits and Americans are always up for a WW2 reference. On top of this, you were bang on point, the Nazis and Japanese were more advanced in weaponry (aside from the fact that the Americans traded arms with them for the first couple of years of the war). So this part of your example worked well. However you needed to be clearer about fitting it into your debate. You should have specifically mentioned how in case of another war, the government should ensure they are running a nation that is independently equipped to build arms in with up-to-date technology; but that these weapons should be created and wielded by people who have been taught compassion and morality. So your points were good but the clarity just wasn't quite there. On the other hand, your third example, that of Steve Jobs using Bhuddism as his inspiration was perfect. I didn't know this about Steve jobs (indeed I don't know a lot about him) but out of all the things I have learnt about him, this is by far my favourite. It worked absolutely brilliantly within the context of this essay. It brought clarity to your point and was fascinating. I loved that he hated wasting concentration on useless information in particular. Indeed it's quite a juxtaposition considering he created products that enable people to google cats doing funny things more easily and at any time and place more than any other product! So your second paragraph was truly inspired and absolutely worth the score of 8. However the first paragraph was a bit too muddled and so I'm holding this back to a 7 Well done overall though. I've now had a taste of what you're capable of and it is absolutely superb! Cohesion and coherence This scored in the region of a 6 This section looks at how well your essay flows and it's a nice section for boosting your grade. Make sure to paragraph well and use lots of cohesive devices. Lexis errors can stop you from hitting the top score here, but you can still do nicely by being sensible. First, your paragraphing. This essay was split into two main paragraphs. Both of them dealt with the importance of investing in more than just science education. Each managed to have its own central topic.This was good and worked well. The information in your second paragraph progressed logically and beautifully, however the first paragraph, as mentioned already, was just a little tricky to follow. For a task 2 essay I want you to aim to write about two sentences. One sentence is too short and feels rushed. Three sentences is fine but it's important not to let them drag on too long. With this in mind, your introduction was too long lengthwise, whereas your conclusion was too short and meant the essay ended abruptly. Take care. Next, cohesive devices. Cohesive devices are what really help your essay flow smoothly. Use these little linking words to guide the reader through your points. Warn them if you are about to state something surprising (interestingly enough/ surprisingly) or that contradicts your previous points (however/ conversely). Use them to list your points (first/ second/ third) and to further your arguments (plus/ moreover/ furthermore). Make sure to use plenty of them without repeats. Examples are: Firstly/secondly/thirdly To begin with/ next/ last but not least/ finally/ on the one hand/ on the other hand/ On top of this/ to continue with this/ In spite of this But/however/despite this Plus/in addition/moreover Thus/therefore There were some lovely cohesive devices used in this essay and they were chosen well. They did help the essay flow and guide the reader, however there were a few errors with them: 'Consider that several decades ago...' This would be more natural like this: 'Considering that several decades ago...' 'Because so far science itself has been controlled by humans eventhough Google said they can devise self-awareness robots in next decade.' When you start a sentence with because, you need a second explanatory clause in the sentence. For example: 'My friend likes musicals, so I bought her tickets to the show CATS.' 'Because my phone broke, I had to get a new one.' 'Because Donald Trump is an idiotic racist baboon, I wasn't expecting anyone to vote for him.' So your sentence should be: 'Because so far science itself has been controlled by humans, it comes as a surprise that Google said they will devise self-awareness robots in the next decade.' 'That is not to says the goverment should not invest in science...' Should be: 'That is not to say the goverment should not invest in science...' Lexical resource This scored in the region of a 5 The lexis used in this essay was really quite impressive. You have a wide vocabulary and it was nicely demonstrated here. Your choice of words was sophisticated and the tone was spot on for an IELTS essay. Unfortunately, there were also quite a lot of errors and these hold the grade back. After having said this, it did come very close to scoring higher and I really was pleased with a lot of the language used. Right, let's take a closer look: 'Several days ago NASA announced they wanted to find water in other planets except Mars,with scientists inventing brand-new aircrafts.' We use 'on' instead of 'in' when talking about water on different planets. Plus, 'aircraft' is an uncountable noun however, aircraft refers to planes only, not space shuttles. On top of this, as water has already been found on Mars, we wouldn't say 'except' we would say this: 'Several days ago NASA announced they wanted to find water on other planets in addition to Mars, with scientists inventing brand-new space shuttles.' 'Turely we human cannot make a big progress without technology and inventions.' A typo here and errors: 'Surely we humans cannot make any big progress without technology and inventions.' 'So some people even think the goverment should only use money developing science and related subjects.' Should be: 'So some people even think the goverment should only use its money developing science and related subjects.' 'In my view,other fields should also be explored and discovered when mankind do some researches about science.' Should be: 'In my view, other fields should also be explored and discovered when mankind does scientific research.' 'Consider that several decades ago if German and Japan owned advanced technologies and brilliant scientists when Nazi swept across the whole world.' Should be: 'Consider that several decades ago Germany and Japan owned the most advanced technologies and brilliant scientists when the Nazis swept across the whole world.' 'Because so far science itself has been controlled by humans eventhough Google said they can devise self-awareness robots in next decade.' This was fine, but not very formal. Try: 'Because whilst so far science itself has been controlled by humans, Google said we will be able to devise self-awareness robots in the next decade.' 'Thus,in order to use technology correctly,we should educate our next generation humanities,which teach students integrity and goodness. Should be: 'Thus, in order to use technology correctly, we should educate the next generation of humanity in integrity and goodness. 'Another concern I want to mention is that there is no obviously boundary between different subjects such as chemistry ,physics and philosophy.' Should be: 'Another concern I want to mention is that there is no obvious boundary between different subjects such as chemistry, physics and philosophy.' 'I can even say it is very harmful the goverment only study science itself.' Should be: 'I can even say it is very harmful for the government to only study science itself.' 'For example,Steve jobs ,who was a famous electronic celebrity,actually very believed Buddhism.' Should be: 'For example, Steve jobs, who was a famous electronics celebrity, actually believed wholeheartedly in Buddhism.' 'As a result,he advocated applying Buddhism philosophy to iPhone.' This was ok but a native speaker would say: 'As a result,he advocated applying Buddhist philosophy to iPhone.' 'As can be seen in iPhone's design and screen,which are very plain and simple.' Should be: 'As can be seen in the iPhone's design and screen, which is very plain and simple.' Or: 'As can be seen in iPhones' design and screen, which is very plain and simple.' The verb 'are' relates to the design, not to the phone so you would say: 'The design is plain.' Likewise you would say: 'The phones' design is plain.' But if you were taking about the overall phone in general, you'd conjugate differently: 'The phones are plain.' 'That is not to says the goverment should not invest in science,when we look back in our history,we can easily find the big event such as industry revolution,Internet,are alway assocated with technology.' Should be: 'That is not to says the goverment should not invest in science,  when we look back in our history,we can easily find big events such as the industrial revolution and the internet, which are always associated with technology.' (This error also affects your grammar grade.) 'In summary,the goverment like an athelete,when he participates an competition,natural science is just like his equipment,but the humanity is his rule.' Should be: 'In summary,the government is like an athlete, when he participates in a competition, natural science is just like his equipment, but humanity is his rule.' Grammatical range and accuracy This scored in the region of a 6 This is the part of the exam that students dread and it's not hard to see why. Examiners demand a lot here to award the high grade. Your simple grammar must be correct. You must use articles and plurals accurately. Plus, you have to squeeze in complex grammar. Complex grammar means perfect tenses and passive. You must use a mix of both to get a high grade. (I also want you to use complex grammar in your task 2 and your speaking exam as well.) Some of the errors that were corrected also affected your grammar grade. Plus, there were a couple of issues with your conjugation: 'Thus,in order to use technology correctly,we should educate our next generation humanities,which teach students integrity and goodness. Be careful with conjugation here: 'Thus, in order to use technology correctly, we should educate the next generation of humanity in integrity and goodness.' 'In a word,virtue meet humans' interests.' Make sure to conjugate properly here too: 'In a word, virtue meets humans' interests.' What was good though, was that this time you worked hard to include complex grammar: 'In my view,other fields should also be explored and discovered when mankind do some researches about science.' The passive was good here. 'Because so far science itself has been controlled by humans eventhough Google said they can devise self-awareness robots in next decade.' A wonderful bit of present perfect passive here. 'As can be seen in iPhone's design and screen,which are very plain and simple.' A nice passive cohesive device here. 'Moreover,Steve even had used Buddhism philosophy to invent a efficient electronic circuit,which we can hardly believe.' A lovely bit of past perfect here, although it needed to be corrected in the lexis section. 'That is not to says the goverment should not invest in science,when we look back in our history,we can easily find the big event such as industry revolution,Internet,are alway assocated with technology.' A clever bit of passive at the end of this essay. 'It had lead to a revolution when he first proposed that focus is kind of resouce for human,which can be consumed by a large amount of useless information.' You are right that the past perfect could be used here, but make sure to use it for the action that was the further most in the past. In this situation, he proposed his philosophy first, then the revolution was second: 'It lead to a revolution when he had first proposed that focus is a kind of resouce for humans, which can be consumed by a large amount of useless information.' (Note there were other errors here that have been corrected.) You did well here and you worked hard for this grade. Good work! To score higher you'd need fewer errors, but truthfully I'm pleased with what you've achieved here. You did brilliantly and showed sophistication! All in all this was a good essay. When it was good it really was wonderful! Carry on making great points and specific examples. Make sure to order them to show a clear correlation between the example and your point. Keep paragraphing well. Use plenty of cohesive devices. Take care with lexis and simple grammar. Finally, continue the great work with complex grammar. (Make sure to paragraph well and use cohesive devices and complex grammar in your task 1. Plus, use complex grammar in your speaking exam, particularly perfect tenses.)