Part One: Setting Off

Waking up in the morning, with face being gently touched by the sea wind, I looked through the window. She was there. "Who's there?" Said Elizabeth with a grin. "You were whispering. So, you've got another girl outside?" "Ah, no. Look, she's there." Holding back my strong desire to look at her, I pointed out through the window. Far away in distance, there lies the quiet yet tempestuous sea. The sea waves crash on the beach over and over again, without knowing what the tiredness is. Though the sea is now as quiet as she could be, I have known how rough she could be. "Thinking about that thing again?" She asked, with eye brows down on the breakfast. Elizabeth has always been good at making the food I like. Every time I set out into the ocean I would miss her cookery for weeks. She is so absorbed in doing those foods that I even think the wonderful food came out from that concentrative attitude. "Yeah, old things happened again." This time, I didn't say much about the thing. I stared at the sea, looked at the sea waves clapping the beach. "I'm going out for a walk." "Without eating your breakfast?" "Uhm, yeah. I'll see you later Elly."

So how did it all become like this after THAT thing? How could I even settle down near a sea? How could I live on with all the passes? Those, stupid blunders. I drifted to the bar I used to visit a lot. "Hey, look who's here guys!" Old Tommy waved at me. I waved back, however I couldn't make a smile. I sat down, asked for a cup of beer. He came over as I expected. "So, what's this all about? Argued with Elizabeth?" "You gotta be kidding me. Arguing with her would be the last thing I would ever do and you know that well Tommy, better than anyone." "Yeah, you love her so much. But for now, I can't say that I know you better than anyone. You've changed, Arvin, you’ve changed a lot after that. You have to move on." "I tried, Tommy, I tried." "I know. I've seen how hard-working you could be. On the boat, you were the best sailor apart from the captain." I did not continue to answer him. All of a sudden, an idea popped up in my mind. I drank the beer, then turned to him. "Are you into another setting off?" With an astonishing look on his face, he couldn't even say words coherently "Were you actually saying, another setting off?" "Yes." I stared at him with assertiveness. "What in the world are you thinking! You want to leave Elizabeth behind, AGAIN? No, there's no another sailing!" He shouted, making all the people in the bar turned to him. "I mean it Tommy. It's like a redemption for me. I would like to go into the sea for the one last time. To feel her touch for the one last time. More importantly, to make up all the mistakes." "I think he lives well in that little cozy box. And if you don't want to see him, I would like to bring him over to my house." Tommy looked away from me, with rage left in his face. "Well, Tommy, you know how assertive I can be. This thing is a deal now, it cannot be changed." "You want to go, then leave, don't ever bring me up. And I warn you, Arvin, if you hurt yourself or make something that Elizabeth would suffer, I will... I will..." "You will what?" Tommy sank himself into his palms. "I will not blame you. It was his wish, now it's yours either now. Go, I cannot leave my wife. Good luck to you, my dearest friend." "Thank you." I put my hands on his back and left.

Sailing is hard, and even harder when it becomes a solitary mission. When the sea becomes savage, a whole crew would die, let alone a single person. I carefully picked up my equipment at the harbor, and went home. Elizabeth was not at home, a great "escaping" opportunity for me. I quickly wrote a note to her and put the box into my bag.

"Everything is set up, cap'in! Ready for orders!" "Full speed!" Old words came into my mind. The old times. I raised up the sails and left the harbor. Just at that moment, I saw Tommy on the harbor.
"Good luck, my friend."

Part Two Retrospective

"Hey, my son, ready for a sailing?" "Yes!!!" I said in excitement. I have been preparing for the trip for a long time. Sailing, Navigation, I have read all the books and learned all the skills that are essential for a captain. “I’ve seen your school grades, they were quite good. You didn't let me down and, I suppose I should not let you down either." Said my father, stroking my hair. I was even not able to reach up to his head, however I had that great ambition to sail out like a real man. "When should we go?" "Be patient, my boy, be patient. A good captain is always patient, isn't he?" "Why not sail out tomorrow?" "Tonight is too rush for us. We can't even gather enough crew for the sailing." "But that will be fun and, stimulating! You always say that you like living on the edge, don't you?" "Alright, my boy. We'll discuss this later." "Tomorrow!!!" "We'll see."
At night, I didn't see father coming for dinner. I only see him calling someone on the phone. "It's not that dangerous, Tommy......You and I, we both like that apex point, don't we? That climax, with no one around to help you, you have to do it and do it alone......Yes, my boy wants to come either.......What are you saying? He's a good captain, and a good sailor in the future......I am rational, Tommy."
That night, I didn't sleep. I turned on my Walkman and listened to the sea waves clapping the beach all night. The beautiful sound of nature kept me so spellbound. It crashes, and crashes, and crashes. I looked up in the Starry Night, tears nearly come out from my eyes.
"ALL ON BOARD!" Hearing this, I quickly got up from the bed and went down to the front door. Seeing my father is equipped with all the things he uses to sail, I knew the moment is coming. I dreamed hundreds, thousands of times of how I will start my first sailing, however when the moment is here, I am way too calm than I had expected. I followed my father to the harbor and saw Tommy on the beach. "Hey, old man, back to the business?" Seeing their happy union, I can hardly link the last night argument to the current harmony. "Everything is ready, cap'in! Ready for orders!" "Full speed!" My father shouted facing the vast ocean. "Look son, look how beautiful she is!" You don't have to say, father, she had been my dream girl for a long time. I sat down on the nose of the sailboat, feeling the wind touching my face. My father sat down by me, with his eyes closed. He is an experienced sailor, and he knew well how to communicate with the sea. From his face, I can feel the calmness in his heart. "If I'm gonna die one day, I need my body be embraced by her." He broke the silence. Even so, there's still that quietness on the sea. That quietness washes all the worries you have, she touches your body from your head to your toe, making you feel completely relaxed.

The quietness soon faded away.

"The radio says that there's gonna be a tidal wave soon, captain!" "You don't say!" My father shouted, pointing to the east. "Oh my god......" We looked at the giant wave far away, astonished. Father came back to earth immediately, and said, "Pack up the sails! We are going to do this the hard way!" I ran from there to there, using all the knowledge I have. However, my book didn’t' tell me how to deal with such a harsh situation. I ran from there to there, doing worthless work. The wave soon finds us, the small leaf in the ocean. And she tantalized us like we were just a small toy of her. Suddenly, I saw my father was threw to the edge of the boat. "FATHER!!!" I shouted. The great sound of wave clapping made my shouting useless, Tommy didn't hear the shouting. He was still there, trying to hold the rudder. "FATHER!!!!" I ran to the edge, trying to grab his hands. "Father, you are bleeding!!!" "Yes, my boy. the wreck penetrated my body." "Let me get you up, father!" I tried hard, using all the strength I had. Even though, an adult man is still too heavy for a young boy to lift. "It's useless, my boy. I said if I'm gonna to die one day, I'm to die in the ocean. But I did not know that this day will come this soon. Go, my boy, my hands are slipping. Let me die in the ocean." "NOOOOO!!!"

He looked at me for the last time. I saw the calmness in his eyes.
His body was found days later. Tommy told me that he knew that that day had a tidal wave, but my father did not want to disappoint me, so we carried on the trip.
I shall never forgive myself.

Part Three: The Breadth of Blue

Waking up in the boat, I feel the sea wind again, but much more intimate than ever. I got up from the bed, trying to make some food for myself. I had that dream again, only with no terrifying feeling this time. I recalled the concentrative attitude Elizabeth has, I remembered the calmness my father had, I felt the completeness of nature. I swung the knife, tantalizing it just like the wave tantalized me before. The food was oddly delicious. "Hmmm, so it was that concentrative attitude." I said to myself. I climbed out the cabin and sat on the nose of the boat. The sea is still as quiet as she could be, and the wind is still as warm as it could be. The wind plays with my sails like a small naughty child. I smiled at him, and he flipped my collar as return. I saw the stimulating red rising from the horizon, I saw the great mixture of red of blue, I heard the song by the seabirds. I opened up the box, and carefully cast my father into the ocean. I sat down on the nose of the boat, feeling the power, the beauty of nature. I have found redemption.

This time, I couldn't hold back my tears.