My Childhood Chided

By Zhang Dan

My years of the past, things past,
they might fade...
A transparent verdure the world breathes,
it rises treacherously from my memories.
Three kids standing, gathered around an after-school desk.
Somehow,  a stationery box was kept open.
My pencil is in her pencil box!
My eraser, it's in there too!
They got back the two pieces mistakenly collected.
For the third child, it did not contain anything for her.
But if she didn't claim one thing, will she be different?
We sighted her reaching for the pencil sharpener,
and just in deep despair. But she didn't know it.
When loud she declaring, My sharpener, also!
She just thought of safety. Her syntax, in response to theirs.
as first time she awkwardly mimicked a textbook to start writing.
She tossed and turned, confused, seized by fear.
However, the box suddenly closed and sank into the endless night.
The sharpener not belong to her was not only right there in her school bag,
also entered her mind, shaving away her life, layers of darkness.
Next morning, she waited in front of the school gate.
A classmate grabbed the sharpener and shouted angrily:
You are a thief! She did not retort, nor explain.
Because she was.
She walked alone, and all her classmates disappeared.
For years, she was sure she was, all by herself......
This thing always haunted her, did not let her get the meaning of it.
She kept thinking it only had to do with her being a thief.
Now, she has just learned it: indecision.
Indecision means two roads near her.
Years later, she chooses the one with a lot of people, at all times.
It's been a long time since she was in the darkness inside her.

 April 3, 2021
English translated by Chen Zihong

《童年教育》

张丹

多少岁月，多少往事，
自将磨洗……
世界呼吸着幽透的绿，
从回忆中隆起险峰。
三个孩子，围着一张放学后的课桌。
桌上，一只文具盒永远地张开。
“我的铅笔，竟在她的笔盒里！”
“我的橡皮擦，竟然也在她笔盒里！”
她们取回那两件被误收的文具。
第三个孩子，文具盒里没有任何她的东西。
可是，不认领一件东西，会不会跟别人不一样？
我们看见她伸手拿走了笔盒里的卷笔刀，
置身深深的绝境。可她何曾察觉，
当她大声说：“我的卷笔刀，也在她的笔盒里！”
她只是以为安全了。她的句型，努力应和她们的，
如同人生，第一次笨拙地模仿课本，写出作文。
可是，文具盒忽然关闭，陷入了无边的夜。
她辗转反侧，混乱，冰冷。
不属于她的卷笔刀，不仅就在书包里。
还进入了心灵，卷削她的人生，层层黑暗。
第二天早晨，她等在学校门口，
同学一把夺过卷笔刀，愤怒地叫喊：
你就是个贼！她没还嘴，也没有解释，
因为她就是。
她踽踽独行，所有同学都消失了。
好多年了，她确信她就是，独自一人……
这件事始终萦绕，并不让她领会，它的含义。
总以为只和她是一个小偷有关。
现在，她刚懂得了这件事：彷徨。
彷徨意味着面前有两条路，
多年之中，她总是选择了，人多的那一条。
置身心灵的黑暗，好久了。

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