妻子、情人、朋友，这是钱钟书对妻子杨绛的定位，也大概是一个男人能想象得到的最美好的伴侣形象。

但我们很多时候却吝啬于对自己的爱人道一声，情人节快乐。原因可能只是不好意思开口，或觉得夫妻关系完全不同于情人关系。但两者真就那么不同吗？至少在钱钟书的眼里，妻子、情人还有朋友这三者的关系是融为一体的。

夫妻关系是一个种最特殊的人际关系，但也具有普通人际关系的一般共性，说亲密可以亲密无间，说分手也能反目成仇。在这一点上夫妻关系里的人并不比普通关系里的人更具有人际关系上的绝对优势。

而如果要让这份相对优势也能稳固长久，那最好的办法就是不妨放下这种优势感，只把这种最亲密的关系当做普通的人际关系来经营就好。

首先是朋友，其次是情人，最后才是夫妻。只有时刻想着我们的关系其实没有那么稳固和亲密，我们的关系才可能长久的稳固和亲密。

这大概就是人际关系，尤其是夫妻关系中的居安思危吧。

Wife, lover and friend, this is qian zhongshu's positioning of his wife Yang jiang, and it is probably the most beautiful companion image that a man can imagine.

But a lot of times we are too stingy to say happy valentine's day to our loved ones.The reason may be just embarrassed to talk, or feel that the relationship is completely different from the lover relationship. But is it really that different? At least in Qian Zhongshu's eyes,  the relationship of wife, lover and friend is integrated.

The relationship between husband and wife is a kind of most special interpersonal relationship, but it also has the general commonness of ordinary interpersonal relationship.it is said that intimacy can be intimate, and breakup can also turn into enmity.At this point, the person in the husband and wife relationship does not have the absolute advantage of the interpersonal relationship than the person in the ordinary relationship. 

And if you want this comparative advantage to be stable for a long time, the best thing to do is to let go of this sense of superiority and just run the closest relationship as an ordinary relationship.

The first is a friend, the second is a lover, and the last is a husband and wife. Only by always thinking that our relationship is not so strong and close can our relationship be stable and intimate for a long time. 

This is probably the vigilance of relationships, especially couples.