It has been raining for the whole day. I looked out from the window: the sky was gray and everything looked like being covered by fog. I felt everything was damp and my heart was damp too.
The graduation celebration would be hold on tomorrow. Everyone was joyful in class except for me. I was not only upset, but also afraid. I was afraid of every occasion that needs my parents to be present together after they were divorced. I did not want my teachers and classmates to learn that I was living in a single mother family. I always made myself look very happy and sunny no matter how sad I was in my own feeling.
My Dad left us for a lady ten yearsago; to be accurate, I thought that he abandoned my Mom and me. I was hurt so deeply that I even felt much painful than my Mom. In the memory about my childhood, Daddy loved me so much and was very patient to me no matter what I did. I remembered, as I was six years old, I used papers to play game and took lots of papers from his desk; I cut all of papers into pieces. In that evening,when Daddy came back home and found that the papers cut were his disquisition that would be sent to an important conference in his professional field next morning. This disquisition had already been read by an authoritative professor and was got a great acclaim from him. He told my Dad that it would be passed successfully. And if it were passed in the conference, my Dad would get a good chance for his career. At that time, computer was not popularly used, so the whole thesis was written by Dad’s hand. He could not rewrite it in only one night, and, as a result, he lost this precious chance. For a six years old girl, I didn’t understand how damaging it was for my Dad to lose the papers; but from my parents’ serious face, I knew I made a huge mistake, so that I was very afraid. Dad did not blame me; instead, he kissed my forehead as usual time and said, “Little princess, you didn’t do anything wrong, you are still Daddy’s good girl. Have a sweet dream!” Then, I fell asleep immediately and forgot it. It is until I grew up and a similar thing happened to me that I understood what feeling my Dad could have. Even now, some friends and relatives of my family still remember how much dote my Dad did on me, and all of them remember that I was his “littleprincess” until he left.
My childhood was spent in a family full of blessedness and love. I felt a pride in it and was sentimentally attached to it!That was my whole world!But, since the day when my Daddy left us, my world was destroyed.
My sight was back into the room. I stared at the phone, and it was never looked so strange like today. It looked like a black bomb.
After Dad left us and got married with that lady, I started to hate him and did not want to connect him often, I hated hearing that lady’s voice. I knew he had a stepdaughter. I thought he would not love me any more, he would give his love to other girl, and he would have another “little princess”!
Oh, tomorrow, what a headachy tomorrow! My finger was hard-shelled, and it seemed to be put in chilly water for a long time when I dialed the phone numbers.
The telephone only rung three times, but I felt like spending twenty minutes to wait. Then somebody picked up the phone; it was my Dad’s stepdaughter!
“Who is this?” she asked.
“I want to talk tomyDaddy,” my voice became dry when I heard her.
“Daddy,somebodywants to talk to you,” I heard she spoke to my Dad. She called “Daddy” tomyDaddy and called me “somebody.” But in my heart, he is my Daddy and he isonlymy Daddy!
After hearing that, my heart was extremely indignant and traumatic! I threw the telephone with a bang and tears in my eyes. Mom came into living room to see what happened when she suddenly heard the twang. I told her that I decided not to let my Dad attend my commencement. At the same time, the phone was ringing. It was my Dad’s call and Mom told him about my decision.
Next morning, Mom asked me if I had changed my mind and let my Dad attend the commencement, but I said “No.” I made up to make myself look invigorative and amused.
There were a lot of people in campus. Every classmate of mine looked excited. I told them my Dad got an emergent operationfor a patient, so that he would not come (My Dad was a surgeon.) I took photos with my classmates and looked as same happy as them.
Mom came to me when I was talking with a student, and she whispered to me that Dad was standing under a tree that is far away from where I was standing. I looked the place my Mom showed me. I saw my Dad -- he looked very lonely. My heart became painful and distressed. Ialmost couldn’t help myself to go to him, but when I thought that another girl called him Daddy, I couldn’t stand it. I shut my heart’s door to him again. When Dad found I saw him, he looked suddenly excited and wanted to come to us. Quickly, I moved my vision into other place. In a glance, I saw him stopped walking and stayed there; he looked heartbroken and became old. I felt very cold abruptly, though it was summer. Looking up to the sky, it was gray and cloudy.
Since that day, I have not called my Dad and never answered him any more even he called us for more than four years. But, the picture that he was standing under a tree sadly with gray and cloudy sky above always appeared in my dreams. Every time when I dreamed of it, I woke up from a terrible pain of heart.
Two years passed. Through these two years, I met my husband and fell in love with him. I was enjoying sweets of love, but I still always awoke from dreams with heartache. I still could not forgive Dad, he forsook us and left us a broken home, in every New Year feast, Mom and I heartrendingly listened to the mirth from neighbors. I still could not forgive Dad, I lost the love from fatherhood since he left, and I lost my whole world. I still could not forgive Dad, for he dedicated his father’s love to his stepdaughter instead of me.
In a winter midnight of one year later, a sudden outbreak of acute appendicitis made me ache terribly, and I gota bad fever. My Mom was very much scared. She called hospital, and she called Dad too.
I could not clearly remember all scenesabout how I was sent into operating room; but after a few days, my Mom told me that I had always called “Daddy” with cry before I woke up.
I did not know how long I slept after the operation. When I opened my eyes, I saw that, sitting against a chair by my sickbed, my Dad fell sleep. For a long time, I hadn’t seen him so closely. I got an astoundment that his hair has already become gray, and he was really old and looked pale. How many years hadn’t I seen him? I asked myself. More than seven years, even we were living in the same city! I didn’t know what he was dreaming; but he looked distressed when he was sleeping. Seven years, how was his life going through these seven years? How did he feel my hate, my repulsion and my self-will through these seven years? I felt that my heart was much more painful than the suture on my body. He was almost sixty years old. Seven years, how many seven years could be wasted again for a sixty years old man? How many seven years are in a people’s life?
“Daddy!” “Daddy!” I exclaimed over and over again in my heart, and tears rolled down my cheeks. It seemed like that when hearing the call of my heart, my Dad awoke.
“Do you feel very pain?” he asked me with great anxiety when he saw my tears.
In seven years, this was the first time I heard his voice. It sounded old and tired. I couldn’t say even a word, because I was afraid that I would break forth into tears when I spoke.
“I have always felt sorry to hurt you and your Mom, ” he spoke with tears (this is first time I saw his tears), “I have always expected for your forgiveness!”
“Child, you are my most precious daughter, you are theonlyone! ”
I opened my eyes and looked at him. His eyes were shining with expectation. I felt that I went back to childhood. Idolove him, and I always do love him!
“Daddy!” I cried, “I’m sorry for everything I did to you.” Like a stream, the tears could not be stopped. The tears brought away all of my hate, distress and the inner haze.
Dad kissed my forehead as when I was six years old and said, “Little princess, you didn’t do anything wrong, you are still Daddy’s good girl. Have a sweet dream!” Then, I fell asleep immediately.
When I woke up from a sweet dream next morning, I saw Dad looked excited and became younger. I looked out from the window of my sickroom: the sky was blue, and there was no cloud.
Life becomes more beautiful becauseof learning forgiveness, and love becomes nicer because of forgiveness. When sweeping out cloud, you will see a blue sky, as a blue sky is always behind cloud!
