JON

琼恩

   The mare whickered softly as Jon Snowtightened the cinch. “Easy, sweet lady,” he said in a soft voice, quieting herwith a touch. Wind whispered through the stable, a cold dead breath on hisface, but Jon paid it no mind. He strapped his roll to the saddle, his scarredfingers stiff and clumsy. “Ghost,” he called softly, “to me.” And the wolf wasthere, eyes like embers.

恩·雪诺扎紧马鞍上的皮带，母马则轻声嘶叫。“好女孩，别怕，”他轻声安抚它。寒风在马厩间细语，宛如迎面袭击来的冰冷死气，但琼恩未加理会。他把铺盖捆上马鞍，结疤的手指僵硬而笨拙。“白灵，”他轻声呼唤，“过来。”狼立刻出现，双眼如两团火烬。

   “Jon, please. You must not do this.”

“琼恩，求求你，别这样。”

   He mounted, the reins in his hand, andwheeled the horse around to face the night. Samwell Tarly stood in the stabledoor, a full moon peering over his shoulder. He threw a giant’s shadow, immenseand black. “Get out of my way, Sam.”

他骑上马，握紧缰绳，策马转头，面对黑夜。山姆威尔·塔利站在马厩门口，一轮满月从他肩膀后照进，洒下一道巨人般的影子，硕大而黑暗。“山姆，别挡道。”

   “Jon, you can’t,” Sam said. “I won’t letyou.”

“琼恩，你不能这样一走了之，”山姆说，“我不会放你走。”

   “I would sooner not hurt you,” Jon told him.“Move aside, Sam, or I’ll ride you down.”

“我不想伤害你，”琼恩告诉他，“山姆，你走开，不然我就踩过去。”

   “You won’t. You have to listen to me.Please?.?.?.?”

“你不会的。听我说，求求你……”

   Jon put his spurs to horseflesh, and themare bolted for the door. For an instant Sam stood his ground, his face asround and pale as the moon behind him, his mouth a widening O of surprise. Atthe last moment, when they were almost on him, he jumped aside as Jon had knownhe would, stumbled, and fell. The mare leapt over him, out into the night.

琼恩双脚一踢，母马立即朝门飞奔而去。刹那间，山姆站在原地，脸庞如同身后那轮满月般又圆又白，嘴巴惊讶地张成一个大圆。就在人马即将撞上的最后一刻，他跳了开去，并如琼恩所预料地，步履踉跄，跌倒在地。母马跳过他，冲进黑夜。

   Jon raised the hood of his heavy cloak andgave the horse her head. Castle Black was silent and still as he rode out, withGhost racing at his side. Men watched from the Wall behind him, he knew, buttheir eyes were turned north, not south. No one would see him go, no one butSam Tarly, struggling back to his feet in the dust of the old stables. He hopedSam hadn’t hurt himself, falling like that. He was so heavy and so ungainly, itwould be just like him to break a wrist or twist his ankle getting out of theway. “I warned him,” Jon said aloud. “It was nothing to do with him, anyway.”He flexed his burned hand as he rode, opening and closing the scarred fingers.They still pained him, but it felt good to have the wrappings off.

琼恩掀起厚重斗篷的兜帽，拍拍母马的头。他骑马离开静谧的黑城堡，白灵紧随在旁。他知道身后的长城上有人值守，但他们面朝极北，而非南方。除了正从马厩的泥地上挣扎起身的山姆·塔利，不会有人见到他离去。眼看山姆摔成那样，琼恩暗自希望他没事才好。他那么肥胖，手脚又笨拙，很可能因此摔断手腕，或扭到脚踝。“我警告过他了，”琼恩大声说，“而且本来就不干他的事。”他一边骑，一边活动自己灼伤的手，结疤的指头开开阖阖。疼痛依旧，不过取掉绷带后的感觉真好。

   Moonlight silvered the hills as he followedthe twisting ribbon of the kingsroad. He needed to get as far from the Wall ashe could before they realized he was gone. On the morrow he would leave theroad and strike out overland through field and bush and stream to throw offpursuit, but for the moment speed was more important than deception. It was notas though they would not guess where he was going.

他沿着蝴蝶结般蜿蜒的国王大道飞奔，月光将附近的丘陵洒成一片银白。他得在计划被人发觉前尽可能地远离长城。等到明天，他将被迫离开道路，穿越田野、树丛和溪流以摆脱追兵，但眼下速度比掩护更重要。毕竟他的目的地显而易见。

   The Old Bear was accustomed to rise at firstlight, so Jon had until dawn to put as many leagues as he could between him andthe Wall?.?.?.?if Sam Tarly did not betray him. The fat boy was dutiful andeasily frightened, but he loved Jon like a brother. If questioned, Sam woulddoubtless tell them the truth, but Jon could not imagine him braving the guardsin front of the King’s Tower to wake Mormont from sleep.

熊老习惯黎明起床，所以琼恩至少还有天亮前的时间，用来尽量拉开与长城间的距离……假定山姆·塔利没有背叛他。胖男孩虽然尽忠职守，且胆子又小，但他把琼恩当亲兄弟看待。若是被人问起，山姆肯定会说出实情，不过琼恩不认为他有那个勇气，敢大半夜去找国王塔的守卫，把莫尔蒙吵醒。

   When Jon did not appear to fetch the OldBear’s breakfast from the kitchen, they’d look in his cell and find Longclaw onthe bed. It had been hard to abandon it, but Jon was not so lost to honor as totake it with him. Even Jorah Mormont had not done that, when he fled indisgrace. Doubtless Lord Mormont would find someone more worthy of the blade.Jon felt bad when he thought of the old man. He knew his desertion would besalt in the still-raw wound of his son’s disgrace. That seemed a poor way torepay him for his trust, but it couldn’t be helped. No matter what he did, Jonfelt as though he were betraying someone.

等到明天，发现琼恩没去厨房帮熊老端早餐，大家便会到寝室来查找，随后看到孤零零躺在床上的长爪。留下那把宝剑很不容易，但琼恩还不至于恬不知耻地将它带走。就连乔拉·莫尔蒙亡命天涯前，也没有这么做。莫尔蒙司令一定能找到更适合佩带那把剑的人。想起老人，琼恩心里很不好受。他知道自己这样弃营逃跑，无异是在总司令丧子之痛上洒盐。想到他对自己如此信任，这实在是忘恩负义的作法，但他别无选择。不管怎么做，琼恩都会背叛某个人。

   Even now, he did not know if he was doingthe honorable thing. The southron had it easier. They had their septons to talkto, someone to tell them the gods’ will and help sort out right from wrong. Butthe Starks worshiped the old gods, the nameless gods, and if the heart treesheard, they did not speak.

即使到了现在，他依旧不知自己的做法是否荣誉。南方人的作派比较简单，他们有修士可供咨询，由他们传达诸神意旨，协助理清对错。然而史塔克家族信奉的是无名古神，心树就算听见了，也不会言语。

   When the last lights of Castle Blackvanished behind him, Jon slowed his mare to a walk. He had a long journey aheadand only the one horse to see him through. There were holdfasts and farmingvillages along the road south where he might be able to trade the mare for afresh mount when he needed one, but not if she were injured or blown.

当黑城堡的最后一丝灯火消失在身后，琼恩便放慢速度，让母马缓步而行。眼前还有漫漫长路，他却只有这匹马可供依凭。往南的路上，沿途都有村庄农舍，如有必要，他可以和他们交换新的马匹，不过若是母马受伤或瘫倒在地就不成了。

   He would need to find new clothes soon; mostlike, he’d need to steal them. He was clad in black from head to heel; highleather riding boots, roughspun breeches and tunic, sleeveless leather jerkin,and heavy wool cloak. His longsword and dagger were sheathed in black moleskin,and the hauberk and coif in his saddlebag were black ringmail. Any bit of itcould mean his death if he were taken. A stranger wearing black was viewed withcold suspicion in every village and holdfast north of the Neck, and men wouldsoon be watching for him. Once Maester Aemon’s ravens took flight, Jon knew hewould find no safe haven. Not even at Winterfell. Bran might want to let himin, but Maester Luwin had better sense. He would bar the gates and send Jonaway, as he should. Better not to call there at all.

他得尽快找到新衣服，恐怕还只能去偷。眼下的他从头到脚都是黑色：高统黑皮革马靴，粗布黑长裤黑外衣，无袖黑皮革背心，厚重的黑羊毛披风。长剑和匕首包在黑鞘里，鞍袋里则是黑环甲和头盔。如果他被捕，这每一件都足以致他于死地。在颈泽以北，任何穿黑衣的陌生人进了村舍庄园，都会被投以冷漠的怀疑眼光，并遭到监视。而一旦伊蒙师傅的渡鸦送出消息，自己便再也找不到容身之所，即便临冬城也一样。布兰或许会放他进城，但鲁温师傅很清楚该怎么做，他会履行职责，关上城门，把琼恩赶走。所以，打一开始他就没动临冬城的主意。

   Yet he saw the castle clear in his mind’seye, as if he had left it only yesterday; the towering granite walls, the GreatHall with its smells of smoke and dog and roasting meat, his father’s solar,the turret room where he had slept. Part of him wanted nothing so much as tohear Bran laugh again, to sup on one of Gage’s beef-and-bacon pies, to listento Old Nan tell her tales of the children of the forest and Florian the Fool.

虽然如此，在他脑海里，却能清晰地见到城堡的影像，仿佛昨天才刚离开：高耸的大理石墙；香气四溢、烟雾弥漫的城堡大厅，里面到处是乱跑的狗；父亲的书房；自己在塔楼上的卧室。在他心底的某一部分，只想再瞧瞧布兰的欢笑，再吃一个盖奇做的牛肉培根派，再听老奶妈说关于森林之子和傻瓜佛罗理安的故事。

   But he had not left the Wall for that; hehad left because he was after all his father’s son, and Robb’s brother. Thegift of a sword, even a sword as fine as Longclaw, did not make him a Mormont.Nor was he Aemon Targaryen. Three times the old man had chosen, and three timeshe had chosen honor, but that was him. Even now, Jon could not decide whetherthe maester had stayed because he was weak and craven, or because he was strongand true. Yet he understood what the old man had meant, about the pain ofchoosing; he understood that all too well.

可是，他并非因为这些才离开长城：他之所以离开，只因为他是父亲的儿子，罗柏的兄弟。他不会因为别人送他一把剑，即便像长爪那么好的剑，就变成莫尔蒙家族的人。他也不是伊蒙·坦格利安。老人做了三次抉择，三次都选择了荣誉，但那是他。即便现在，琼恩还是不敢确定，老学士做出那样的选择，究竟是因为懦弱无力，还是因为心地坚强、忠于职守。但无论如何，他了解老人的困惑，关于抉择的痛苦，他太了解了。

   Tyrion Lannister had claimed that most menwould rather deny a hard truth than face it, but Jon was done with denials. Hewas who he was; Jon Snow, bastard and oathbreaker, motherless, friendless, anddamned. For the rest of his life, however long that might be, he would becondemned to be an outsider, the silent man standing in the shadows who daresnot speak his true name. Wherever he might go throughout the Seven Kingdoms, hewould need to live a lie, lest every man’s hand be raised against him. But itmade no matter, so long as he lived long enough to take his place by hisbrother’s side and help avenge his father.

提利昂·兰尼斯特曾说：多数人宁可否认事实，也不愿面对真相，但琼恩已经想透了种种磨难。他清楚地知道自己是谁：他是琼恩·雪诺，不但是私生子，更是背离誓约的逃兵，既无母亲，亦无朋友，将遭天谴。终其一生——不论他这一生能有多长——都将被迫流浪，成为阴影中沉默的孤民，不敢说出真名。无论走到七国何处，必将生活在谎言之中，否则别人会对他群起而攻之。但是，只要他能与兄弟并肩作战，为父亲报仇雪恨，所有这些都无足轻重。

   He remembered Robb as he had last seen him,standing in the yard with snow melting in his auburn hair. Jon would have tocome to him in secret, disguised. He tried to imagine the look on Robb’s facewhen he revealed himself. His brother would shake his head and smile, and he’dsay?.?.?.?he’d say?.?.?.?

他记得自己最后一次见到罗柏的情景。当时罗柏站在广场上，红褐头发间雪花融化。如今琼恩可能必须易容之后，才能偷偷去见他。他试着想像当自己揭开真面目时，罗柏脸上会是什么表情。他的兄弟会摇摇头，面露微笑，然后他说……他会说……

   He could not see the smile. Hard as hetried, he could not see it. He found himself thinking of the deserter hisfather had beheaded the day they’d found the direwolves. “You said the words,”Lord Eddard had told him. “You took a vow, before your brothers, before the oldgods and the new.” Desmond and Fat Tom had dragged the man to the stump. Bran’seyes had been wide as saucers, and Jon had to remind him to keep his pony inhand. He remembered the look on Father’s face when Theon Greyjoy brought forthIce, the spray of blood on the snow, the way Theon had kicked the head when itcame rolling at his feet.

他拼凑不出那抹微笑，无论怎么努力，就是想不出来。他反而不自觉地想起他们找到冰原狼那天，被父亲砍头的逃兵。“你立下了誓言，”艾德公爵告诉那人，“你在你的弟兄们以及新旧诸神面前立下了誓约。”戴斯蒙和胖汤姆把逃兵拖到木桩前。布兰的眼睛睁得像盘子，琼恩还特意提醒他别让小马乱动。他忆起当席恩·葛雷乔伊递上寒冰时，父亲脸上的表情，随后又想起鲜血溅落雪地，席恩扬腿把人头踢到他脚边。

   He wondered what Lord Eddard might have doneif the deserter had been his brother Benjen instead of that ragged stranger.Would it have been any different? It must, surely, surely?.?.?.?and Robb wouldwelcome him, for a certainty. He had to, or else?.?.?.?

他不禁想，假如逃兵是艾德公爵的亲弟弟班扬，而非一个衣着破烂的陌生人，他会怎么做？两者会有差别吗？一定会，一定会的，一定……毫无疑问，罗柏也一定会欢迎他。他怎么可能不欢迎他呢？除非……

   It did not bear thinking about. Painthrobbed, deep in his fingers, as he clutched the reins. Jon put his heels intohis horse and broke into a gallop, racing down the kingsroad, as if to outrunhis doubts. Jon was not afraid of death, but he did not want to die like that,trussed and bound and beheaded like a common brigand. If he must perish, let itbe with a sword in his hand, fighting his father’s killers. He was no trueStark, had never been one?.?.?.?but he could die like one. Let them say thatEddard Stark had fathered four sons, not three.

还是别多想的好。他握紧缰绳，手指隐隐作痛。琼恩再度夹紧马肚，顺着国王大道疾驰，仿佛要驱离心中的疑惑。琼恩不怕死，但他不要这种被五花大绑，像个寻常强盗般斩首示众的死法。倘若他非死不可，他甘愿手握利剑，死在与杀父仇人的决斗中。他生来就不是真正的史塔克族人，从来不是……但他可以死得像个史塔克。就让大家都知道艾德·史塔克膝下不只三个儿子，而是四个。

   Ghost kept pace with them for almost half amile, red tongue lolling from his mouth. Man and horse alike lowered theirheads as he asked the mare for more speed. The wolf slowed, stopped, watching,his eyes glowing red in the moonlight. He vanished behind, but Jon knew hewould follow, at his own pace.

白灵跟着他的速度跑了一里，红红的舌头伸在嘴巴外悬荡。他催马加速，人马低头飞奔。冰原狼则放慢脚步，停了下来，左顾右盼，眼睛在月色中闪着红光。不久，他消失在后方，琼恩知道他会按自己的步调跟随。

   Scattered lights flickered through the treesahead of him, on both sides of the road: Mole’s Town. A dog barked as he rodethrough, and he heard a mule’s raucous haw from the stable, but otherwise thevillage was still. Here and there the glow of hearth fires shone throughshuttered windows, leaking between wooden slats, but only a few.

前方的道路两旁，摇曳的灯火穿过树林照过来。这里是鼹鼠村。他催马奔过，听到一阵狗吠，以及马厩里传来的驴叫，除此之外，村子悄然无声。有几处炉火微光从禁闭的窗户中穿透而出，或自房舍木板间流泄出来，但寥寥无几。

   Mole’s Town was bigger than it seemed, butthree quarters of it was under the ground, in deep warm cellars connected by amaze of tunnels. Even the whorehouse was down there, nothing on the surface buta wooden shack no bigger than a privy, with a red lantern hung over the door.On the Wall, he’d heard men call the whores “buried treasures.” He wonderedwhether any of his brothers in black were down there tonight, mining. That wasoathbreaking too, yet no one seemed to care.

其实鼹鼠村比乍看之下要大得多，只是四分之三的部分位于地底，由一个个既深且暖的地窖组成，经由错综复杂的隧道彼此衔接。就连妓院也在地下，从地面上看，它们只是比厕所大不了多少的小木屋，门上挂了盏红灯笼。长城上守军把妓女们叫做“地底的宝藏”，他不禁揣测今晚有多少黑衣弟兄在下面挖宝呢？这当然也算是一种背誓，只是无人在意。

   Not until he was well beyond the village didJon slow again. By then both he and the mare were damp with sweat. Hedismounted, shivering, his burned hand aching. A bank of melting snow lay underthe trees, bright in the moonlight, water trickling off to form small shallowpools. Jon squatted and brought his hands together, cupping the runoff betweenhis fingers. The snowmelt was icy cold. He drank, and splashed some on hisface, until his cheeks tingled. His fingers were throbbing worse than they hadin days, and his head was pounding too. I am doing the right thing, he toldhimself, so why do I feel so bad?

直到把村子远远地抛在后面，琼恩方才再次减速。这时，他和母马都已经满身大汗。于是他跳下马背，只觉浑身发抖，灼伤的手更是疼痛。树丛下有大堆融雪，在月光下映射发亮，涓滴细流从中淌出，汇聚成浅浅的小池。琼恩蹲下来，双手合掌，捧起雪水。融雪冰冷刺骨，他喝了几口，接着洗脸，直洗得两颊发麻。他感觉到头昏脑胀，手指也好几天没有痛得这么厉害。我做得没错，他告诉自己，可我为何这么难受？

   The horse was well lathered, so Jon took thelead and walked her for a while. The road was scarcely wide enough for tworiders to pass abreast, its surface cut by tiny streams and littered withstone. That run had been truly stupid, an invitation to a broken neck. Jonwondered what had gotten into him. Was he in such a great rush to die?

马儿仍旧气喘吁吁，于是琼恩牵它走了一段。道路很窄，只能勉强容两人并肩而骑，表面更被细小沟渠所切割，布满碎石。刚才那样狂奔委实愚蠢，分明就是自找麻烦，稍不小心就会摔断脖子。琼恩不禁纳闷，自己究竟怎么搞的？就这么急着寻死么？

   Off in the trees, the distant scream of somefrightened animal made him look up. His mare whinnied nervously. Had his wolffound some prey? He cupped his hands around his mouth. “Ghost!” he shouted.“Ghost, to me.” The only answer was a rush of wings behind him as an owl tookflight.

远方的树林里传来动物的受惊尖叫，他立刻抬头，母马也不安地哼着。是他的狼找到猎物了？他把手环在嘴边，“白灵！”他叫道，“白灵！到我这儿来！”但惟一的回应只是身后某只猫头鹰振翅高飞的声响。

   Frowning, Jon continued on his way. He ledthe mare for half an hour, until she was dry. Ghost did not appear. Jon wantedto mount up and ride again, but he was concerned about his missing wolf.“Ghost,” he called again. “Where are you? To me! Ghost!” Nothing in these woodscould trouble a direwolf, even a half-grown direwolf, unless?.?.?.?no, Ghostwas too smart to attack a bear, and if there was a wolf pack anywhere close Jonwould have surely heard them howling.

琼恩皱起眉头，继续上路。他牵马走了半小时，直到它身上干透为止。但白灵始终没有出现。琼恩想上马赶路，却又担心不知去向的狼。“白灵，”他再度叫喊，“你在哪里？快过来！白灵！”这片林子里应该没什么能威胁到冰原狼——就算这只冰原狼尚未发育完全也罢，除非……不，白灵绝不会蠢到去攻击熊，而假使这附近有狼群，琼恩也一定能听见它们的嚎叫。

   He should eat, he decided. Food would settlehis stomach and give Ghost the chance to catch up. There was no danger yet;Castle Black still slept. In his saddlebag, he found a biscuit, a piece ofcheese, and a small withered brown apple. He’d brought salt beef as well, and arasher of bacon he’d filched from the kitchens, but he would save the meat forthe morrow. After it was gone he’d need to hunt, and that would slow him.

最后他决定先吃点东西再说。食物可以稍微安抚脾胃，更能多给白灵一点时间跟上。此时尚无危险，黑城堡依然在沉睡中。于是他从鞍袋里找出一块饼干，一小片乳酪和一个干瘪的褐色苹果。他还带了腌牛肉，以及从厨房偷来的一片培根，但他想把肉留到明天。因为等食物没了，他就得自己打猎，而那一定会拖延他的行程。

   Jon sat under the trees and ate his biscuitand cheese while his mare grazed along the kingsroad. He kept the apple forlast. It had gone a little soft, but the flesh was still tart and juicy. He wasdown to the core when he heard the sounds: horses, and from the north. QuicklyJon leapt up and strode to his mare. Could he outrun them? No, they were tooclose, they’d hear him for a certainty, and if they were from CastleBlack?.?.?.?

琼恩坐在树下，吃着饼干和乳酪，任母马沿着国王大道吃草。他把苹果留到最后，虽然摸起来有些软，果肉仍然酸甜多汁。听到声音时，他正在啃果核：是蹄声，从北方来。琼恩一跃而起，奔向母马。跑得掉吗？不，距离太近，一定会暴露声音，何况假如他们从黑城堡来……

   He led the mare off the road, behind a thickstand of grey-green sentinels. “Ouiet now,” he said in a hushed voice,crouching down to peer through the branches. If the gods were kind, the riderswould pass by. Likely as not, they were only smallfolk from Mole’s Town,farmers on their way to their fields, although what they were doing out in themiddle of the night?.?.?.?

于是他牵着母马离开大路，走到一丛浓密的灰青色哨兵树后。“别出声喔。”他悄声说，一边蹲伏下来，透过树枝缝隙向外窥视。倘若诸神保佑，对方就会不经意地骑马跑过。八成鼹鼠村的农民，正返回自己的田地，可他们干嘛大半夜的走呢？……

   He listened to the sound of hooves growingsteadily louder as they trotted briskly down the kingsroad. From the sound,there were five or six of them at the least. Their voices drifted through thetrees.

他静静呤听，蹄声沿着国王大道急速而来，步伐坚定，逐渐增大。依声音判断，大概有五六个人。对方的话音在林木间穿梭。

   “?.?.?.?certain he came this way?”

“……确定他走这边？”

   “We can’t be certain.”

“当然不确定。”

   “He could have ridden east, for all youknow. Or left the road to cut through the woods. That’s what I’d do.”

“搞不好他朝东去了。或是离开道路，穿越树林。换了我就会这么做。”

   “In the dark? Stupid. If you didn’t fall offyour horse and break your neck, you’d get lost and wind up back at the Wallwhen the sun came up.”

“在这一团漆黑的晚上？你别傻了。就算没摔下马来，折了脖子，辨不清路乱走，等太阳升起大概也绕回长城了。”

   “I would not.” Grenn sounded peeved. “I’djust ride south, you can tell south by the stars.”

“我才不会，”葛兰听起来很气愤。“我会往南骑，看星星就知道哪边是南方。”

   “What if the sky was cloudy?” Pyp asked.

“要是被云遮住呢？”派普问。

   “Then I wouldn’t go.”

“那我就不走。”

   Another voice broke in. “You know where I’dbe if it was me? I’d be in Mole’s Town, digging for buried treasure.” Toad’sshrill laughter boomed through the trees. Jon’s mare snorted.

又一个声音插进来。“换作是我，你们知道我会怎么做？我会直接去鼹鼠村挖宝。”陶德尖锐的笑声在林间回响，琼恩的母马哼了一声。

   “Keep quiet, all of you,” Haider said. “Ithought I heard something.”

“你们通通给我闭嘴，”霍德说，“我好像听到了什么。”

   “Where? I didn’t hear anything.” The horsesstopped.

“在哪儿？我啥都没听见。”蹄声停止。

   “You can’t hear yourself fart.”

“你连自己放屁都听不见。”

   “I can too,” Grenn insisted.

 “我听得见啦。”葛兰坚持。

   “Quiet!”

“闭嘴！”

   They all fell silent, listening. Jon foundhimself holding his breath. Sam, he thought. He hadn’t gone to the Old Bear,but he hadn’t gone to bed either, he’d woken the other boys. Damn them all.Come dawn, if they were not in their beds, they’d be named deserters too. Whatdid they think they were doing?

于是他们都安静下来，凝神倾听。琼恩不自觉地屏住呼吸。一定是山姆，他心想。他既没去找熊老，也没上床睡觉，而是叫醒了其他几个男孩。真要命，若是天亮前他们还未归营，也会被当成逃兵处理。他们到底在想什么呀？

   The hushed silence seemed to stretch on andon. From where Jon crouched, he could see the legs of their horses through thebranches. Finally Pyp spoke up. “What did you hear?”

寂静无限延伸。从琼恩蹲的地方，透过树丛，可以看到他们坐骑的脚。最后派普开口道：“你刚才到底听到什么？”

   “I don’t know,” Haider admitted. “A sound, Ithought it might have been a horse but?.?.?.?”

“我也不知道。”霍德承认，“但的确有什么声音，我认为是马叫，可……”

   “There’s nothing here.”

“这儿什么声音都没有啊。”

   Out of the corner of his eye, Jon glimpsed apale shape moving through the trees. Leaves rustled, and Ghost came boundingout of the shadows, so suddenly that Jon’s mare started and gave a whinny.“There!” Halder shouted.

琼恩的眼角余光瞥见一个白色影子在林间窜动。树叶窸窣抖动，白灵从阴影中跑了出来，由于来得突然，琼恩的母马不禁轻声惊叫。“在那里！”霍德大叫。

   “I heard it too!”

“我也听到了！”

   “Traitor,” Jon told the direwolf as he swungup into the saddle. He turned the mare’s head to slide off through the trees,but they were on him before he had gone ten feet.

“我被你害死了。”琼恩一边翻身上马，一边对冰原狼说。他调转马头，往森林走去，但不出十尺，他们便追了上来。

   “Jon!” Pyp shouted after him.

“琼恩！”派普在身后喊。

   “Pull up,” Grenn said. “You can’t outrun usall.”

“停下来，”葛兰说，“你跑不掉的。”

   Jon wheeled around to face them, drawing hissword. “Get back. I don’t wish to hurt you, but I will if I have to.”

琼恩抽出佩剑，策马旋身。“通通退后。我不想伤害你们，但如果情非得已，我会动手的。”

   “One against seven?” Halder gave a signal.The boys spread out, surrounding him.

“你想以一对七？”霍德挥手，男孩们一拥而上，将他团团围住。

   “What do you want with me?” Jon demanded.

“你们要拿我怎样？”琼恩质问。

   “We want to take you back where you belong,”Pyp said.

“我们要把你带回属于你的地方。”派普说。

   “Ibelong with my brother.”

“我属于我的兄弟。”

   “We’re your brothers now,” Grenn said.

“我们就是你的兄弟。”葛兰说。

   “They’ll cut off your head if they catchyou, you know,” Toad put in with a nervous laugh. “This is so stupid, it’s likesomething the Aurochs would do.”

“他们逮到你，你会被砍头的，知道吗？”陶德紧张地笑笑，“这么笨的事，只有笨牛才做得出来。”

   “I would not,” Grenn said. “I’m nooathbreaker. I said the words and I meant them.”

我才不会呢。”葛兰道：“我不会违背誓言，我发过誓，说话算话的。”

   “So did I,” Jon told them. “Don’t youunderstand? They murdered my father. It’s war, my brother Robb is fighting inthe riverlands...”

“我也一样，”琼恩告诉他们，“可你们难道不懂么？他们谋害了我父亲！这是一场战争，我兄弟罗柏正在河间地作战——”

   “We know,” said Pyp solemnly. “Sam told useverything.”

“我们都知道，”派普严肃地说，“山姆跟我们说了。”

   “We’re sorry about your father,” Grenn said,“but it doesn’t matter. Once you say the words, you can’t leave, no matterwhat.”

“你父亲的事我们很遗憾，”葛兰说，“但那与你无关。一旦发了誓，你就不能离开，不管怎样都不行。”

   “I have to,” Jon said fervently.

“我非走不可。”琼恩激动地说。

   “You said the words,” Pyp reminded him. “Nowmy watch begins, you said it. It shall not end until my death.”

“你发过誓了。”派普提醒他，“我从今开始守望，至死方休，你是不是这么说的？”

   “I shall live and die at my post,” Grennadded, nodding.

“我将尽忠职守，生死于斯。”葛兰点头附和。

   “You don’t have to tell me the words, I knowthem as well as you do.” He was angry now. Why couldn’t they let him go inpeace? They were only making it harder.

“用不着你们告诉我，我跟你们背得一样熟。”这下他真的生气了。他们为何不能干脆一点，放他走呢？这样子大家都不好过。

   “I am the sword in the darkness,” Halderintoned.

“我是黑暗中的利剑。”霍德诵道。

   “The watcher on the walls,” piped Toad.

“长城上的守卫。”癞蛤蟆跟着念。

   Jon cursed them all to their faces. Theytook no notice. Pyp spurred his horse closer, reciting, “I am the fire thatburns against the cold, the light that brings the dawn, the horn that wakes thesleepers, the shield that guards the realms of men.”

琼恩开始一个一个咒骂他们，但他们置之不理。派普催马上前，继续背诵：“抵御寒冷的烈焰，破晓时分的光线，唤醒眠者的号角，守护王国的坚盾。”

   “Stay back,” Jon warned him, brandishing hissword. “I mean it, Pyp.” They weren’t even wearing armor, he could cut them topieces if he had to.

“别过来，”琼恩挥剑警告他，“派普，我是说真的。”他们连护甲都没穿，假如真的动手，他可以把他们统统砍成碎片。

   Matthar had circled behind him. He joinedthe chorus. “I pledge my life and honor to the Night’s Watch.”

梅沙绕到他身后，加入了念诵：“我将生命与荣耀献给守夜人。”

   Jon kicked his mare, spinning her in acircle. The boys were all around him now, closing from every side.

琼恩双脚一踢，调转马头。然而男孩们已将他彻底包围，步步逼近。

   “For this night?.?.?.?” Halder trotted infrom the left.

“今夜如此……”霍德堵住了左边的缺口。

   “?.?.?.?and all the nights to come,”finished Pyp. He reached over for Jon’s reins. “So here are your choices. Killme, or come back with me.”

“……夜夜皆然。”派普说完最后一句，伸手抓住琼恩的缰绳。“你有两个选择：要么杀了我，要么跟我回去。”

   Jon lifted his sword?.?.?.?and lowered it,helpless. “Damn you,” he said. “Damn you all.”

琼恩举起长剑……最后还是无助地放了下来。“去你的，”他说，“你们通通该死。”

   “Do we have to bind your hands, or will yougive us your word you’ll ride back peaceful?” asked Halder.

“我们该不该把你的手绑起来？你愿不愿乖乖回去呢？”霍德问。

   “I won’t run, if that’s what you mean.”Ghost moved out from under the trees and Jon glared at him. “Small help youwere,” he said. The deep red eyes looked at him knowingly.

“我不跑便是。”这时白灵从树下跑出来，琼恩瞪着他，“你可真会帮倒忙。”他说，但那双深沉的红眼却仿若洞悉一切地看着他。

   “We had best hurry,” Pyp said. “If we’re notback before first light, the Old Bear will have all our heads.”

“我们最好赶快，”派普道，“假如天亮前回不去，只怕熊老会把我们的头通通砍了。”

   Of the ride back, Jon Snow rememberedlittle. It seemed shorter than the journey south, perhaps because his mind waselsewhere. Pyp set the pace, galloping, walking, trotting, and then breakinginto another gallop. Mole’s Town came and went, the red lantern over thebrothel long extinguished. They made good time. Dawn was still an hour off whenJon glimpsed the towers of Castle Black ahead of them, dark against the paleimmensity of the Wall. It did not seem like home this time.

回程途中发生过什么，琼恩·雪诺记得不多，只觉这趟路似乎比南行短暂得多，或许是他心不在焉的缘故罢。派普带队，不时飞奔，慢走，小跑，接着又恢复奔驰。鼹鼠村来了又去，妓院门口悬着的红灯早已熄灭。派普把时间掌握得很好，距离天亮刚好还有一个小时，琼恩见到黑城堡的黑塔楼出现在前方，衬着背后硕大无朋的苍白长城。只是这回，城堡再也没了家的感觉。

   They could take him back, Jon told himself,but they could not make him stay. The war would not end on the morrow, or theday after, and his friends could not watch him day and night. He would bide histime, make them think he was content to remain here?.?.?.?and then, when theyhad grown lax, he would be off again. Next time he would avoid the kingsroad.He could follow the Wall east, perhaps all the way to the sea, a longer routebut a safer one. Or even west, to the mountains, and then south over the highpasses. That was the wildling’s way, hard and perilous, but at least no onewouid follow him. He wouldn’t stray within a hundred leagues of Winterfell orthe kingsroad.

他们可以抓他回去，琼恩告诉自己，但他们无法留住他。南方的战争不是一两天就能解决的事，而他的朋友不可能日夜都守着他。他只需耐心等待时机，让他们放松警惕，以为他心甘情愿留下来……然后就再度逃走。下一次，他不走国王大道，而是沿着长城东行，或许就这么一直走到海边，然后往南翻越崇山峻岭。那是野人们常走的路，崎岖难行，危机四伏，却足以摆脱追兵。从始至终，他与国王大道和临冬城都将保持一百里格以上的距离。

   Samwell Tarly awaited them in the oldstables, slumped on the ground against a bale of hay, too anxious to sleep. Herose and brushed himself off. “I?.?.?.?I’m glad they found you, Jon.”

老旧的马房里，山姆威尔·塔利正等着他们。他坐在泥地上，靠着一堆稻草，紧张得睡不着。一见他们，他立刻起身，拍拍尘土道：“琼恩，我……我很高兴他们找到你了。”

   “I’m not,” Jon said, dismounting.

“我可不高兴。”琼恩说着下马。

   Pyp hopped off his horse and looked at thelightening sky with disgust. “Give us a hand bedding down the horses, Sam,” thesmall boy said. “We have a long day before us, and no sleep to face it on,thanks to Lord Snow.”

派普也跳下坐骑，一脸嫌恶地望着逐渐泛白的天空。“山姆，帮个忙，把马儿安顿好。”矮个男孩说，“这一天还长着呢，可咱们半点觉都没睡成，这都得感谢雪诺大人。”

   When day broke, Jon walked to the kitchensas he did every dawn. Three-Finger Hobb said nothing as he gave him the OldBear’s breakfast. Today it was three brown eggs boiled hard, with fried breadand ham steak and a bowl of wrinkled plums. Jon carried the food back to theKing’s Tower. He found Mormont at the window seat, writing. His raven waswalking back and forth across his shoulders, muttering, “Corn, corn, corn.” Thebird shrieked when Jon entered. “Put the food on the table,” the Old Bear said,glancing up. “I’ll have some beer.”

天亮之后，琼恩像往常一样走进厨房。三指哈布把熊老的早餐交给他，什么也没说。今天的早餐包括三颗褐色的白煮蛋，油炸面包，火腿肉片以及一碗有些皱的李子。琼恩端着东西回到国王塔，发现莫尔蒙正坐在窗边写东西。乌鸦在他肩膀上来回踱步，边走边念：“玉米！玉米！玉米！”琼恩一进房间，乌鸦便提声尖叫。“把早餐放桌上。”熊老抬头道，“我还想喝点啤酒。”

   Jon opened a shuttered window, took theflagon of beer off the outside ledge, and filled a horn. Hobb had given him alemon, still cold from the Wall. Jon crushed it in his fist. The juice trickledthrough his fingers. Mormont drank lemon in his beer every day, and claimedthat was why he still had his own teeth.

琼恩打开一扇紧闭的窗户，从外面的窗台上拿了啤酒瓶，倒满一角杯。之前哈布给了他一个刚从长城储藏室里拿出来的柠檬，现下还是冰的。琼恩用拳头捏破它，果汁从指缝间滴下。莫尔蒙每天都喝掺柠檬的啤酒，宣称这是他依旧一口好牙的原因。

   “Doubtless you loved your father,” Mormontsaid when Jon brought him his horn. “The things we love destroy us every time,lad. Remember when I told you that?”

“你一定很爱你父亲，”琼恩将角杯端给他时，莫尔蒙开口：“孩子，我们爱什么，到头来就会毁在什么上面，你还记不记得我跟你说过这话？”

   “I remember,” Jon said sullenly. He did notcare to talk of his father’s death, not even to Mormont.

“记得。”琼恩面带愠色地说。他不想谈父亲遇害的事，即便对莫尔蒙也不行。

   “See that you never forget it. The hardtruths are the ones to hold tight. Fetch me my plate. Is it ham again? So beit. You look weary. Was your moonlight ride so tiring?”

“你要仔细记好，别忘记。残酷的事实是最应该牢牢记住的。把我的盘子端过来。又是火腿？算了，我认了。你没什么精神。怎么，昨晚骑马就这么累啊？”

   Jon’s throat was dry. “You know?”

琼恩喉咙一干，“您知道？”

   “Know,” the raven echoed from Mormont’sshoulder. “Know.”

“知道！”莫尔蒙肩头的乌鸦应和，“知道！”

   The Old Bear snorted. “Do you think theychose me Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch because I’m dumb as a stump, Snow?Aemon told me you’d go. I told him you’d be back. I know my men?.?.?.?and myboys too. Honor set you on the kingsroad?.?.?.?and honor brought you back.”

熊老哼了一声。“雪诺，他们选我当守夜人军团总司令，莫非因为我是个呆头鹅？伊蒙说你一定会走，我则告诉他你一定会回来。我了解我的部下……也了解我的孩子们。荣誉心驱使你踏上国王大道……荣誉心也将你鞭策回来。”

   “My friends brought me back,” Jon said.

“带我回来的是我朋友们。”琼恩说。

   “Did I say it was your honor?” Mormontinspected his plate.

“我指的就是‘你的’荣誉心么？”莫尔蒙检视着眼前的餐盘。

   “They killed my father. Did you expect me todo nothing?”

“他们杀害了我父亲，难道我应该置之不理？”

   “If truth be told, we expected you to dojust as you did.” Mormont tried a plum, spit out the pit. “I ordered a watchkept over you., You were seen leaving. If your brothers had not fetched youback, you would have been taken along the way, and not by friends. Unless youhave a horse with wings like a raven. Do you?”

“说真的，你的行为不出我们所料。”莫尔蒙咬了口李子，吐出果核。“我专派了一个人看守你，知道你何时离开。即便你的弟兄们没把你追回来，你也会在途中被逮住。到时候，抓你的可就不是朋友了。哼，除非你的马像乌鸦，生了翅膀。你有这样的马吗？”

   “No.” Jon felt like a fool.

“没有。”琼恩觉得自己像傻瓜。

   “Pity, we could use a horse like that.”

“真可惜。我们倒急需那样的马。”

   Jon stood tall. He told himself that hewould die well; that much he could do, at the least. “I know the penalty fordesertion, my lord. I’m not afraid to die.”

琼恩挺直身子。他已经对自己说过，要死得有尊严，至少，他能做到这点。“大人，我知道逃营的惩罚。我不怕死。”

   “Die!” the raven cried.

“死！”乌鸦叫道。

   “Nor live, I hope,” Mormont said, cuttinghis ham with a dagger and feeding a bite to the bird. “You have not deserted,yet. Here you stand. If we beheaded every boy who rode to Mole’s Town in thenight, only ghosts would guard the Wall. Yet maybe you mean to flee again onthe morrow, or a fortnight from now. Is that it? Is that your hope, boy?”

“我希望你也别怕继续活下去。”莫尔蒙边说边用匕首切开火腿，还拿一小块喂乌鸦。“你不算逃兵——因为你没走成。眼下你不就好端端站在这里？要是我把每个半夜溜到鼹鼠村的孩子都抓来砍头，那防守长城的就只剩鬼魂了。不过呢，或许你打算明天再跑，或许再隔两个星期。是不是？小子，你有没有这样想？”

   Jon kept silent.

琼恩默不作声。

   “I thought so.” Mormont peeled the shell offa boiled egg. “Your father is dead, lad. Do you think you can bring him back?”

“我就知道。”莫尔蒙剥开白煮蛋的壳，“小子，你父亲死了，你有办法让他起死回生吗？”

   “No,” he answered, sullen.

“没有。”他闷闷不乐地回答。

   “Good,” Mormont said. “We’ve seen the deadcome back, you and me, and it’s not something I care to see again.” He ate theegg in two bites and flicked a bit of shell out from between his teeth. “Yourbrother is in the field with all the power of the north behind him. Any one ofhis lords bannermen commands more swords than you’ll find in all the Night’sWatch. Why do you imagine that they need your help? Are you such a mightywarrior, or do you carry a grumkin in your pocket to magic up your sword?”

“那敢情好。”莫尔蒙道，“你我都见识过死人复活是什么样，我可不想再碰上那种事。”他两大口吞下煮蛋，从齿缝间吐出几片蛋壳。“你的兄弟虽然上了战场，但他身后有全北境的军力，随便他哪一个封臣手下的士兵都比整个守夜人军团的人加起来还多，你觉得他们会需要你的帮助？难道说你真那么厉害，还是说你随身带着古灵精怪，帮你的剑附加魔法？”

   Jon had no answer for him. The raven waspecking at an egg, breaking the shell. Pushing his beak through the hole, hepulled out morsels of white and yoke.

琼恩无话可说。乌鸦啄着一颗蛋，穿破蛋壳，将长长的喙伸进去，拉出丝丝蛋白和蛋黄。

   The Old Bear sighed. “You are not the onlyone touched by this war. Like as not, my sister is marching in your brother’shost, her and those daughters of hers, dressed in men’s mail. Maege is a hoaryold snark, stubborn, short-tempered, and willful. Truth be told, I can hardlystand to be around the wretched woman, but that does not mean my love for heris any less than the love you bear your half sisters.” Frowning, Mormont tookhis last egg and squeezed it in his fist until the shell crunched. “Or perhapsit does. Be that as it may, I’d still grieve if she were slain, yet you don’tsee me running off. I said the words, just as you did. My place ishere?.?.?.?where is yours, boy?”

熊老叹道：“你也不是惟一被战争波及的人。依我看，我妹妹此刻也应该带着她那群女儿，穿着男人的盔甲，加入你兄弟的军队去了南方。梅格是个上了年纪的老怪物，个性固执，脾气又差，说实话，我根本受不了那糟女人，但这并不代表我对她的感情不如你爱你的异母妹妹。”莫尔蒙皱着眉头拾起最后一颗蛋，用力握住，直到外壳碎裂。“或许不如你。但总之，她若在战场上被杀，我一定很难过，可你瞧，我并没打算逃跑。因为我和你一样都发过誓，我的职责所在是这里……你呢，孩子？”

   I have no place, Jon wanted to say, I’m abastard, I have no rights, no name, no mother, and now not even a father. Thewords would not come. “I don’t know.”

我无家可归，琼恩想说，我是个私生子，没有权利、没有姓氏、没有母亲，现在连父亲都没了。可他说不出口。“我不知道。”

   “I do,” said Lord Commander Mormont. “Thecold winds are rising, Snow. Beyond the Wall, the shadows lengthen. Cotter Pykewrites of vast herds of elk, streaming south and east toward the sea, andmammoths as well. He says one of his men discovered huge, misshapen footprintsnot three leagues from Eastwatch. Rangers from the Shadow Tower have foundwhole villages abandoned, and at night Ser Denys says they see fires in themountains, huge blazes that burn from dusk till dawn. Quorin Halfhand took acaptive in the depths of the Gorge, and the man swears that Mance Rayder ismassing all his people in some new, secret stronghold he’s found, to what end thegods only know. Do you think your uncle Benjen was the only ranger we’ve lostthis past year?”

“可我知道，”莫尔蒙总司令说，“雪诺，冷风正要吹起，长城之外，阴影日长。卡特·派克的来信中提到大群麇鹿向东南沿海迁徙，之外还有长毛象。他还说，他有个部下在距离东海望仅三里格的地方发现了巨大的畸形脚印。影子塔的游骑兵则回报，长城外有好些村落完全被遗弃，到了晚上，丹尼斯爵士说能看到群山中的火光，大把大把的烈焰，从黄昏直烧到天亮。‘断掌’科林在大峡谷抓到了一个野人，对方发誓说曼斯·雷德正躲在一个新的秘密要塞里，召集属下所有臣民，至于他的目的为何，我看只有天上诸神知道。你以为你叔叔班扬是这几年来我们惟一失去的游骑兵么？”

   “Ben Jen,” the raven squawked, bobbing itshead, bits of egg dribbling from its beak. “Ben Jen. Ben Jen.”

“班扬！”乌鸦歪头嘎嘎怪叫，蛋白从嘴角流下。“班扬！班扬！”

   “No,” Jon said. There had been others. Toomany.

“不。”琼恩说。除了他还有其他人，太多人。

   “Do you think your brother’s war is moreimportant than ours?” the old man barked.

“你觉得你兄弟的战争比我们这场战争更重要？”老人喝道。

   Jon chewed his lip. The raven flapped itswings at him. “War, war, war, war,” it sang.

琼恩噘起嘴唇。乌鸦朝他拍拍翅膀，“战争！战争！战争！战争！”它唱道。

   “It’s not,” Mormont told him. “Gods save us,boy, you’re not blind and you’re not stupid. When dead men come hunting in thenight, do you think it matters who sits the Iron Throne?”

 “我看不然。”莫尔蒙告诉他，“诸神保佑，孩子，你眼睛没瞎，人也不笨。等哪天死人在黑夜里大举入侵，你觉得谁坐在铁王座上还有差别么？”

   “No.” Jon had not thought of it that way.

“没有。”琼恩没想到这层。

   “Your lord father sent you to us, Jon. Why,who can say?”

“琼恩，你父亲大人把你送来这里，你可知为什么？”

   “Why? Why? Why?” the raven called.

“为什么？为什么？为什么？”乌鸦又叫道。

   “All I know is that the blood of the FirstMen flows in the veins of the Starks. The First Men built the Wall, and it’ssaid they remember things otherwise forgotten. And that beast of yours?.?.?.?heled us to the wights, warned you of the dead man on the steps. Ser Jaremy woulddoubtless call that happenstance, yet Ser Jaremy is dead and I’m not.” LordMormont stabbed a chunk of ham with the point of his dagger. “I think you weremeant to be here, and I want you and that wolf of yours with us when we gobeyond the Wall.”

“我知道你们史塔克家人体内依旧流淌着先民的血液，而长城正是先民所建筑，据说他们还记得早已被人遗忘的事情。至于你那头小狼……引领我们找到尸鬼的是他，警告你楼上有死人的也是他。杰瑞米爵士多半会说一切纯属巧合，但他死了，我还好端端地活着。”莫尔蒙司令用匕首刺起一块火腿。“我认为你是命中注定要来这里的。等我们越墙北进时，我希望你和你那头狼与我们同在。”

   His words sent a chill of excitement downJon’s back. “Beyond the Wall?”

他的这番话使琼恩的背脊为之一颤。“越墙北进？”

   “You heard me. I mean to find Ben Stark,alive or dead.” He chewed and swallowed. “I will not sit here meekly and waitfor the snows and the ice winds. We must know what is happening. This time theNight’s Watch will ride in force, against the King-beyond-the-Wall, the Others,and anything else that may be out there. I mean to command them myself.” Hepointed his dagger at Jon’s chest. “By custom, the Lord Commander’s steward ishis squire as well?.?.?.?but I do not care to wake every dawn wondering if you’verun off again. So I will have an answer from you, Lord Snow, and I will have itnow. Are you a brother of the Night’s Watch?.?.?.?or only a bastard boy whowants to play at war?”

“不错。我打算把班·史塔克找回来，不论是死是活。”他嚼了几口，吞下火腿。“我不会在这里坐等风雪来临，我们一定要知道究竟发生了什么。这次守夜人军团将大举出动，与塞外之王、异鬼，以及其他什么的东西作战。我将亲自领军。”他拿匕首指着琼恩的胸膛。“依惯例，总司令的事务官就是他的侍从……但我可不想每天早上醒来，都还要担心你是不是又逃了。所以呢，雪诺大人，你现在就给我个答案：你究竟是守夜人的弟兄……还是个只爱玩骑马打仗的私生小毛头？”

   Jon Snow straightened himself and took along deep breath. Forgive me, Father. Robb, Arya, Bran?.?.?.?forgive me, Icannot help you. He has the truth of it. This is my place. “I am?.?.?.?yours,my lord. Your man. I swear it. I will not run again.”

琼恩·雪诺站直身子，深吸一口气。父亲、罗柏、艾莉亚、布兰……请你们原谅我，原谅我不能帮助你们。他说得没错，我属于这里。“我……随时听候您差遣，大人。我郑重发誓，绝不再逃跑了。”

   The Old Bear snorted. “Good. Now go put onyour sword.”

熊老哼了一声。“那敢情好。还不快把剑佩上？”