Confront in Truth, Affirm in Love
直面真相时，爱中有确信
Jul 26, 2017
“A word of encouragement does wonders!”(Proverbs 12:25b TLB).
“一句良言，使心欢乐。”（箴言12：25b 和修）
A healthy, strong relationship is always built on two legs: confronting in truth and affirming in love. If you only have one of these legs in your relationship, it isn’t going to stand. It will fall over at just about anything!
一个健康而稳固的人际关系通常要靠“两条腿”站立：要说出真相，并在爱中给对方确信。若你在人际关系中只有其中的一条腿，就会站立不住。遇到任何困难它都会摇摇欲坠！
The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable. If I were to come to you today and say, “Let’s go have some coffee. I want to point out the areas in your life that need changing,” you would not be thanking me for it. You’d be saying, “Who do you think you are?” You’d be resentful, rebellious, resistant, and stubborn. You would be miserable, because when you share the truth, at first it hurts. Sometimes a surgeon has to cut out a cancer in order for a body to heal.
真理会使你得自由，但它会先让你经历苦痛。如果我今天对你说：“我们一起喝杯咖啡吧。我想告诉你，你生命中还有哪些地方需要改变。”你可能不会对我感激涕零。可能你会说：“你以为你是谁？”你可能会愤怒，叛逆，抗拒以及固执。你可能会苦不堪言，因为当人指出真相的时候，首先它会造成伤害。有时候，外科医生必须切除患癌症的部分，身体才能得以恢复。
When you are having a speaking-the-truth-in-love session with somebody, you begin and end on a positive note, and you affirm three things:
当你和别人正在进行一场“爱的真相谈话”的时候，你要从积极的角度开始和结束谈话，并且需要在三件事上给对方确信：
1. Affirm that you love and care for that person.
1. 确信你爱和关心这个人。
2. Affirm that you will pray for and help that person.
2. 确信你会祷告并且帮助这个人。
3. Affirm that you believe that person can change.
3. 确信你相信这个人会改变。
Paul did this in 1 and 2 Corinthians. In both books, he begins and ends with affirmation. For example: Paul begins his first letter by saying, “I always thank God for you,”and at the end of the book he says, “My love to all of you in Christ Jesus.”Between that he’s dealing with some very tough truths. He begins and ends on a positive note, but he also includes affirmation like this in the middle of his second letter:“I have great confidence in you, and I have a lot of reasons to be proud of you”(2 Corinthians 7:4a GW).
保罗在哥林多前后书中正是这样做的。在这两卷书中，他在开头和结尾都有这样确信的声明。例如：保罗在第一封信的开始说：“我常为你们感谢神”，并在书的结尾说到：“我在基督耶稣里的爱与你们同在！”在两者中间的部分，他处理了一些非常棘手的真相。他从积极的角度开始和结束，而在他第二封信的中间部分也包含如下的确信：“我对你们很是放心，（译注：此处有“而且”）多多夸耀你们”（林后 7：4a 和修）。
Notice that Paul used the word “and.” You should never use the word “but” in a confrontation. The moment you do, whatever you say before or after will be totally ignored and invalidated: “I think you’re a great person, but . . .” “We’ve been friends a long time, but . . .” Instead, use the word “and”: “You’re a great person, and I believe you can be even better.” “We’ve got a great relationship, and I believe there are some things we need to work on.” That’s what it means to affirm someone.
注意保罗的用词——“而且”。绝对不要在冲突中使用“但是”。用它的那一刻，无论你在之前和之后说了什么，都会被忽略不计，前功尽弃：“我觉得你是个不错的人，但是……” “我们成为朋友已经很久了，但是……” 应当使用“而且”：“你是个很好的人，而且我相信你会变得更好。” “我们的关系很好，而且我相信有一些事情我们可以一起努力。”这就是给某人确信的意思。
Talk It Over
讨论问题
What are some practical ways you can plan what you’re going to say when you confront someone?
你可否提前想想一些实际的方法，来帮助你在面对冲突的时候知道如何跟他人讲话？
How has someone used affirmation when correcting you in the past? How did it make you feel?
过去其他人指出你过去犯的错误时，有没有使用确信的声明的？你听到时感觉如何？
Why does the truth sometimes hurt?
为什么真相有时带来伤害？
