前情提要

Previously on Desperate Housewives

首任丈夫死时

when her first husband died,

布里以为自己摆脱了婆婆

Bree thought she was rid  of her mother-in-law.

丹妮尔怀孕了  而布里想法掩饰

Danielle got pregnant,  and Bree got creative.

不久这整个伪装就要被识破

Soon this whole charade will completely unravel,

我们将颜面扫地  卡洛斯和加布的偷情事件变得危险起来

And we will be humiliated.Carlos and Gaby's affair  turned dangerous...

如果她敢给我戴绿帽子

If she pulled something like that on me,

-那男的就死定了  - 一位老邻居回归了

That guy wouldn't be around for long.  - and an old neighbor returned.

我不想让可怜的莉莉姨妈在疗养院度过最后的日子

I didn't want poor aunt lily to spend her final days in a nursing home.

你真体贴

that is so kind of you.

莉莉安·西姆斯夫人

Mrs. Lillian Sims

在一个周六回到了柴藤郡

Returned to wisteria lane on a saturday.

刚下了救护车

as she emerged  from the ambulance,

她就发现

it occurred to her

邻里没有发生任何变化

the neighborhood looked  exactly as she had left it.

于是她想到

she then decided

她本该把房子涂成蓝色的

she should have  painted her house blue.

过了一会

moments later,

她怀疑自己能否上天堂和丈夫相聚

she wondered if she would  see her husband in heaven.

这只是一位回家等死的老太太

these are just  some of the thoughts

脑里浮现的

that go through  an old woman's mind

诸多想法中的几个而已

when she comes home to die.

如果你有任何需要

Now if you need anything,

只要摇动这个铃铛  我会马上过来

You just ring this little bell, and I'll come running.

很抱歉我添了那么多麻烦

I'm sorry to be so much trouble.

不过  好消息是

Well,the good news is,

我当不了几天累赘了

I-I won't be a burden much longer.

别这么说

Oh,don't say that.

医生说你很有可能

The doctors say there's a good chance

还会陪着我们很长时间

That you'll be with us for a very long time.

我清楚我自己的病  凯瑟琳

I know what's happening to me, Katherine.

你不需要安慰我

You don't need to lie.

莉莉姨妈

Aunt Lily...

那是什么样的感觉?

What does it feel like?

我是指  将死的感觉

Dying,I mean.

没那么糟

It's not that bad.

我感到幸运

I feel lucky.

当知道自己大限将至

When you know time is running out,

你就有机会反省自己的一生

You--you get a chance to reflect on your life.

我真的尽力让一生完满

I-I really did try to live a good one.

你做到了

You did more than try.

上帝会张开双臂欢迎你的

God is going to welcome you with open arms.

我不确定

I'm not so sure.

你怎么会这么说呢?

Oh,why would you say that?

我一直在想迪兰的事

I keep thinking about Dylan...

想我们做过的  那些被我们掩盖的事

What we did, what we covered up.

我们不得不那么做

We did what we had to.

我们应该告诉其他人

We should have told someone.

我们不能说  你知道的

We couldn't. you know that.

那是个错误

It--it was a mistake,

亡羊补牢  为时未晚

And it's not too late to rectify it.

你的生活要结束了

Your life may be over,

但那不代表你有权利

But that does not give you the right

到处破坏别人的生活

To go around destroying the lives of others.

我不能至死都昧着良心

I can't go to my grave with this on my conscience.

求求你  我们必须告诉那孩子

Please! we have to tell that girl

这间屋子里发生的一切

What happened in this room.

绝对不行

Absolutely not.

当过去的愧疚涌上心头

as her guilt over the past  began to mount,

莉莉安发现

it occurred to Lillian

死亡还是来得不够快

death couldn't come  quickly enough.

她的侄女也这样认为

this thought  occurred to her niece as well.

绝望的主妇 第四季第4集

有很多东西

there were a lot of things

让鲍勃·亨特讨厌住在城市里

Bob Hunter disliked  about living in the city,

其中最让他讨厌的

and the thing he hated most

是那些烦人的害虫

were the pests--

躲藏在巷子里的老鼠...

the rats  that lurked in the alleys...

盘旋在垃圾上空的苍蝇

the flies  that swarmed the garbage...

和入侵他公司的臭虫

the bugs  that invaded his co-op.

我试了你的办法

I have tried it your way...

最鲍勃告诉他的另一半

Finally,Bob informed  his significant other

是时候...

It was time...

远离城市了

to leave the city.

所以他们搬到郊区

so they moved to suburbia,

很快他们发现害虫

which they quickly discovered  had a few pests...

你好啊  邻居

Hey,neighbor!

这个地方也有

of its own.

我们还没机会认识一下呢

Oh,we haven't gotten a chance to meet.

我是苏珊  我住在隔壁  哦 天哪

I'm susan. I live next door. oh!  Jeez.

-我是李  -我就是想打个招呼

Hi. hi,I'm Lee. uh,I-I just wanted to say hi.

我看见搬家公司

You know, I saw the movers taking in

把你们的东西搬进来  我必须说

Some of your furniture, and I just have to say

你和你太太真有品位

You and your wife have gorgeous taste.

-要帮忙吗  -要  太需要了

Need some help? - yeah, like you wouldn't believe.

-你好  我是苏珊  我住隔壁  -你好  我是李的伴侣  鲍勃

Um,I'm Susan. I live next door. - oh,hi. I'm Lee's partner Bob.

你们是合作伙伴啊  干哪行的?

Oh,you're partners. what kind of business?

不管是什么

You know,whatever it is,

千万别让居委会

Just don't let the neighborhood association

知道你们的工作

Hear that you work out of your house.

-他们可不怎么开明  -其实  我们是情侣

They're so not cool. - Actually,we're life partners.

噢!

Oh!

那可太好了

That's super!

我电视看得多  所以我能理解

Yeah,i've seen a lot of cable, so I get it.

你们简直是绝配

You're just great.

谢谢

Thank you.

我真希望我们能变成像你一样的正常人

I-I hope we can live up to your stereotype.

别在意他的话

Ow. Don't mind him.

他只是被新鲜空气弄的有点喜怒无常

He's just a little cranky from,uh,all the fresh air.

-别替我道歉  -李  是你说的

Do not apologize for me. Lee,you're the one who said

搬到这儿会对拉斐尔更好

Moving here would be better for Raphael.

那...那么你们...是三个人

Oh. so there's,uh... there's three of you.

那...那肯定会...

Well,that must be...

很惬意了

Cozy.

是呀 我们是同志摩门教徒(同志一夫多妻主义者)

Yes. We're Gay Mormons.

苏珊...

Susan,uh...

拉斐尔是它

that's Raphael.

拉斐尔是你们的狗  当然了

Raphael is your dog, of course.

因为你们没办法生孩子

You know,'cause you folks can't have kids.

我是说  我是说  你们当然可以有孩子

I mean,uh,I mean, of course you can have kids,

你也知道  时代不同了

Um,you--you know, because times have changed,

同性恋已经是合法的了

And now you're allowed.

呃...

多好的...狗啊

What a... nice dog.

我要走了

I should go.

很高兴认识你

Nice to meet you.

苏珊  有空过来坐啊  你干什么...

Hey,stop, by any time,Susan-- ow! what are you doing?

是你在干什么吧

What are you doing? well...

谁啊

Yes?

这有丹妮尔·范德坎普的快递

I have a delivery for Danielle Van De Kamp.

麻烦您在这儿签名好吗

Can I get you to sign here,please?

-给我们的吗  -想得美  是给丹妮尔的

Is that for us?  - no,it's for Danielle.

行了  谢谢你

There you are. thank you.

真奇怪  谁会送她一部小摩托啊

That's odd. who would send her a scooter?

我知道了  是费列丝  莱克斯的母亲

I knew it! Phyllis--Rex's mother.

自从莱克斯死了以后

Ever since he died,

她就一直给孩子们买他们喜欢的东西

She's been trying to buy the children's affection.

好可爱的小摩托啊

Wow. well, it's a honey of a bike.

丹妮尔肯定会喜欢

I'm sure Danielle will appreciate the thought.

我不会给她的

Well, I'm not giving it to her.

送给孕妇的礼物中有比这更糟糕的吗

Can you think of a worse present for a pregnant girl?

我没有怀孕  那就给我吧

Well,I'm not knocked up. let me have it.

这种两个轮子的交通工具

You know how I feel about 2-wheeled motorized vehicles.

我总觉得很不安全

They're too dangerous.

我们把它捐给教会

We'll donate it to the church.

你说什么?! 赛克斯牧师说

What?! Reverend sikes said

他们正在为抽彩会上的礼品发愁呢 -我们就这么把它捐出去?

They're looking for items for the raffle.so we're just gonna give it away?

总比摔断脖子好吧

Well,it's better than you breaking your neck on it.

妈  拜托  你知道我多想有部小摩托啊

Mom,you know how much I want a scooter. come on.

你也听到你妈说什么啦  我们要把它捐给教会

You heard your mother. we're donating it to the church.

但是在那之前  我们也需要

Of course,we need to make sure it's in good working order

确保它是能用的

Before we do that.

没戴安全帽不许开

Not without a helmet.

沉痛的打击  真要让她这样做?

This blows. Are we gonna let her do this to us?

当然不要

Absolutely not.

如果我们在抽彩会上赢了  那我们就能留着它了

If we win that raffle, we're keeping it.

嘿

听见你再次擦润肤露真好

It is nice to hear you humming again.

这星期不用去化疗  都不知道该做什么了

Well,it's amazing what a week without chemo can do.

是啊  最后一个疗程什么时候开始

Yeah. when does the last round start?

下个月吧  在我再次觉得自己

Next month, so I have some time

像个废物之前  我可闲着呢

Before I start feeling like total crap again.

而且  我希望我能充分利用好这段空档期

And I was hoping we could put that time to good use.

你确定?

Are you sure?

我是说  医生认为

I mean,the doctor said

你的精神可能还要几个月才能恢复哦

it could be months before you get your mojo back.

它恢复了

Well,it's back.

你什么时候开始关心起这个来了

And since when do you question the mojo?

没错  没错  原谅我吧

You're right. you're right. forgive me.

好吧  那么现在让你选

Okay, so here are your options.

第一种  我们走浪漫路线

"A," we could go romantic,

放点轻音乐  点些蜡烛

Play soft music, light some candles,

或者第二种  我们直接...

Or "B," go straight to the--whoa!

天啊  真的好久没做了

God,it's so been so long.

希望我还记得怎么做吧

I hope I remember how to do this.

这就像骑单车  你是不可能忘记的

Well,it's just like riding a bike. you never forget.

现在开始  踩踏板!

Now start pedaling.

嘿

- 嘿 你在做什么? - 哦 抱歉 我把你头发弄乱了

Hey. what are you doing?  - Oh,sorry. I just messed up your hair.

我在试着把它回到原位

I'm just trying to fix it. OW!

- 抱歉 马上就好了 - 嘿!

Sorry. al-almost got it. hey!

哇 嘿

干脆摘掉吧

Screw it.

你在干什么? 我今天早上把它撕烂了

What--what are you doing? oh,I ripped it this morning.

这东西弄得我痒死了...

It's been itching the hell out of me...

-这样就好多了  -亲爱的  你确定你要摘掉假发吗

And this is much better. are you sure you wanna take that off,honey?

-我是说  你不会冷吗  -不冷  我很好

I mean,won't you be cold? no,I'm good. mwah!

宝贝  怎么了  你要做吗

Hey,babe,what's going on? you still with me?

是的 只是...有点...

Yeah. it's just-- it's kinda...

怎么了

What?

有点儿晚了

Late.

才九点半啊

It's 9:30.

今天店里有个烤炉坏了

It's just that one of our ovens broke down today,

明天修理工一大早要来 所以明晚我再

And the repairman's coming first thing in the morning, And maybe I could ravish you...

非礼你

tomorrow.

好吧

Oh,okay.

来嘛  布里  一定要办 这想法不错

Come on,Bree. you have to let us do this. uh,it's a lovely thought,

但是我不想要办准妈妈派对(baby shower 为迎接新生儿的派对)

But I really don't want a baby shower.

我给你买了份很贵重的礼物

Well,I bought you an expensive gift,

可如果你不办派对  人们不知道我的慷慨

And I'm not giving it to you unless there's a party

那样的话我就不给你了哦

With people who can see how generous I am.

布里  看这里

Bree,watch this!

奥森  小心点啊

Orson,I said be careful!

我只是觉得

I just think it's tacky

如果不是第一个孩子的话  办派对难免有些俗气

To have a baby shower when it's not your first baby.

我可不觉得那有什么问题  帮忙  帮忙...

Well,I don't see the problem with it... hint,hint.

对啊  派对又不仅仅是为了礼物  派对很好玩啊

Yeah,and showers aren't just about presents. they're fun.

而且我们还可以玩游戏啊,像"猜猜妈咪的肚子有多大?"

And we can play games, like "how big is mummy's tummy?"

你说什么

what?

是啊  我们拿些纱球来  然后个人就按照

Yeah,we get a ball of yarn, and we each cut a piece

自己的想象来设计纱球的大小

That we think is just big enough to fit around your stomach,

纱球的尺寸跟你肚子最接近的那个  就赢啦

And the one closest wins a prize.

我真的不想办

I really don't want a shower.

瞧! 看看我!

Look! look at me!

奥森  最多再玩五分钟  最多

Orson,just five more minutes! that's all you're getting!

不如这样  我们不办新生儿派对

I tell you what. why don't we just skip the shower,

等孩子出生后  我为他办个洗礼仪式怎么样?

And after the baby's born, I'll have a christening party?

怎么样?

What do you say?

我没事

I'm okay!

我很好

I'm fine.

天哪

Oh,dear god.

对不起  女士们

Excuse me,ladies.

我不小心听见你们

I-I couldn't help overhearing

谈论办新生儿派对的事

You--you talking about my mom's shower.

我想我能帮上点忙

I-I think I could be of a little assistance here.

为什么你一定要送饼干给新邻居

why do you have to take our new neighbors cookie bars?

因为我给他们的第一印象不太好

Oh,look,I made a terrible first impression,

所以我想给他们带点自制饼干

So I thought I'd make them some of my home-baked goodness.

可这不是你做的啊

But you didn't bake any goodness.

你只是把我从商店买来的热了下

You just warmed up the goodness I bought at the store.

是啊  我不会烤东西  知道

Well,yeah. I don't bake. catch up.

你知道  不是所有邻居都得成为朋友

You know,not all neighbors have to be friends.

为什么你不能就这么算了呢?

Why don't you just let it go?

麦克  他们家只有15英尺远

Mike,they live 15 feet from us.

如果家里火了  我要确保他们会帮我们打911

If we have a fire, I wanna be sure that they like us enough to call 9-1-1.

恐怕这才是真正的原因吧

Ah,that's the real reason.

你不能忍受有人不喜欢你

You can't stand it when somebody doesn't like you.

-也许吧  -也许鲍勃跟李不喜欢被打扰呢

Well,maybe. well,maybe Bob and Lee just like to keep to themselves.

没关系  只要他们喜欢上我了

That's fine, and once they like me,

他们可以尽情享受两人世界

They can keep to themselves all they damn well please.

我带了小礼物

Hi. I wanted to bring you

欢迎你们来到这个社区

A "welcome to the neighborhood" present.

你要不尝一个  还热着  刚从烤箱里拿出来

You should try one while they're still warm from the oven.

你人真好  谢谢啊  里面有坚果吗

That was really nice. thank you. oh,are there nuts in them?

-坚果?  -是啊

Nuts?  - yeah.

让我想想

Gee,let me think.

没有  没有坚果

Nope,no nuts.

你确定?  我对这个极度过敏

Are you sure? 'cause I'm highly allergic.

半个胡桃果仁就能把我杀了

Half a pecan could kill me.

我可找不到什么坚果

I'm not seeing any nuts.

这是你亲自做的

Okay,you made them,

那你到底有还是没有放坚果在里面?

So did you or did you not put nuts in them?

好吧 是这样的 我的烤点心手艺真的很差劲

Okay,here's the thing. I'm a really crappy baker.

给你我烤的东西

To give you something that I made myself

-简直就是一种侮辱  -所以这些是你买的

Would be like an insult,so-- so--so--so you bought them,

然后你把它们热了下  想显得自己

And--and then you heated them up in attempt to make your gesture

比实际上更为细心周到

Seem more thoughtful than,in fact,it was.

如果我会做的话  早就自己做了

Hey,I would've made them myself if I knew how.

说真的  我真的是个好邻居

Honestly, I'm a good neighbor.

是吗?  那好吧邻居  你还是把这些

Yeah,well,neighbor, why don't you take

从店里买来再加热  还可能有毒的饼干

Your store-bought,warmed-up, possibly poisonous cookie bars

送给那些

And give them to someone

可以承受这种慷慨的人吧

More likely to survive your generosity?

你喜不喜欢酒?

Do you like wine?

不  不喝的  所以你不用送我你自酿的葡萄酒

No,no,so please don't bring me a bottle from your vineyard.

这个裂痕可不小

This rip is pretty big.

可能一个礼拜后才能补好

It'll take about a week.

一个礼拜?

A week?

好吧  你能尽快吗

All right. you'll hurry if you can?

亲爱的  没事的  你带头巾蛮好看的

Honey,it's okay. you look cute in a scarf.

我不开心是因为那个售货小姐

I'm upset 'cause that salesgirl

刚把我的性生活拿走了

Just walked away with my sex life.

-什么?  -两个月以来我呕吐不止

What? after two months of puking my guts out,

昨晚我终于有点心情

Last night I was finally in the mood,

但是汤姆却不想要

But Tom--not so much.

我的秃头显然让他很不来电

Apparently,my bald head is a big turnoff for him.

-那你干嘛把假发摘下来?  -因为戴着痒

Why'd you take your wig off? it was itchy.

这可就不聪明了

Okay,not smart.

加布  我是他老婆

Gaby,I am his wife.

他应该爱我这个人

He's supposed to love me--

不是我的身体  是我的灵魂

Not my body,me... my--my soul.

为什么他就不能跟我的灵魂做爱呢?

Why can't he make love to my soul?

有意思

Interesting.

我问你 你最后一次在酒吧里

Question--when was the last time you were in the bar

听到一个男人对他的朋友说

And heard a guy turn to his friend and say,

"快看那个女孩的灵魂?"

"hey,check out the soul on that girl"?

你什么意思?

What are you saying?

我意思是说男人都是看外表的

I'm saying men are visual.

该死 我可是有一柜子各式各样的服装

Hell,I have a whole closet full of costumes.

你得拿出点东西取悦汤姆

You need to give Tom something to look at,

来点火辣的  比如...

Something spicy,like...

加布  我不是红发女郎

Gaby,I'm not a redhead.

但你可以变成是

But you could be,

这就是我要说得第二点

Which brings me to my second point--

男人喜欢新鲜

Men like variety.

今晚你是红发女郎

Tonight you're a redhead.

明晚  你是...

Tomorrow... you are...

海格尔  性感的挤奶工

Helga,the sexy milkmaid.

或者

Or...

昂贝尔  孤单的叛逆女孩

Amber,the lonely runaway.

或者

Or...

杰弗  一同工作的好伙伴

Jeff,the friendly guy from work.

干嘛?  我可不知道汤姆的想法

What? I don't know what Tom is into.

克劳德  你知道我最讨厌你说"嗯"了

Claude,you know I don't like it when you "hmm."

伊迪  你什么时候有这个的?

Edie... how long have you had this?

有什么?

Had what?

我什么都没有啊

I don't have anything.

我只是大老远地来做例行检查

I'm just here for my 5,000-mile checkup.

你知道这么多年来

Well,you know that bullet

你一直想要避免被命中的那东西吗?

You've managed to dodge all these years?

哪种?

Which one?

淋病?  疱疹?

The clap? the herp?

梅毒?!

The syph?!

阴虱?

Crabs?

放松  我会给所有床单被子消毒

Relax. I'll boil all the sheets and towels,

然后我们得使用这种专用洗发香波

And then we'll use this special shampoo,

三天之内

And in three days,

隐私部分的嘉年华就会卷铺盖走人了(指病好了)

The crotch carnival packs up and leaves town.

天哪  你怎么得上的?

Oh,man. how did this happen?

不要这样看着我  怎么得的我知道的一清二楚

Don't give me that look. I know exactly how I got 'em.

我用过米西·波特用过的皮革床

I used the tanning bed right after Mimsy Porter,

那个荡妇

That skank.

闻起来像烧焦的甘草

Ew,it smells like burnt licorice.

进浴室来

Well,come in the bathroom,

我来告诉你怎么用这个

And I'll show you how to use this.

我想我自己能弄清楚

I think I can figure that out.

好的一方面是我们现在关系稳定

You know,the good news is we're in a committed relationship.

否则我们还得丢脸地去通知

Otherwise,we'd have to make that call of shame

每个上过床的人

To everyone we've been with.

你们以前就听我说过

...you've heard me make before,

但是有一些事是我觉得非常  非常重要的

But something I feel very,very strongly about.

对我来说  这是个简单的等式

For me, it's a very simple formula.

发展带来更多的税收

More development leads to an increased tax base,

而这正是政府为全国孩子们建立学校的经济基础

Which helps build schools for our children.

孩子们的需求正...

Around the country,the needs of children are being...

你来这做什么?

What are you doing here?

我得和你谈谈

I need to talk to you.

有什么不能在电话里说?

Can't you just call me?

这些你是不会想在电话里听到的

This is not something that you wanna hear on the phone.

...这不是随波逐流

...and not follow this trend.

我们将把教育放在它所属的地方--

And we will put education where it belongs--

列表的顶部  - 你哪儿得来的?

At the top of the list. ew! how did you get those?

你认为呢?  伊迪

How do you think? Edie.

你还和伊迪睡?

You are still sleeping with Edie?

你不还和维克托一起?

Well,you're still sleeping with Victor,aren't you?

是啊 可不睡的话 他会察觉到有问题的

Yeah,if I didn't,he would think something is going on.

那你跟伊迪睡的理由又是什么啊

What is your excuse for doing it with Edie?

她想要  而且我是个男人

She wants to, and I'm a guy.

正经点  行吗

Ow! this is serious,okay?

如果维克托醒来发现裤子里开了"动物园"(阴蝨)

If victor wakes up with a zoo in his pants,

那我们就完蛋了

There's gonna be hell to pay.

不用你来告诉我  如果他发现我们的事

You don't have to tell me. if he finds out about us,

- 我就是那个被埋在垃圾场里的人 - 好了 别这么惊慌失措的 好吗?

I'm the one that's gonna wind up in a landfill. okay,just don't panic,okay?

我们买些软膏 或是膏药

We're gonna get the salve or the ointment

或者任何可以擦在下面的东西 我们就不会有事了

Or whatever it is you put down there,and we're gonna be fine.

- 我们完了 - 是啊

We'r're screwed. yeah.

汤姆?  孩子们都睡着了

Tom? the kids are asleep

你能不能快点上床来?

Are you coming to bed anytime soon?

好的  我又在回忆

Yeah,I just gotta pick a new running back

我在足球队的那段美好的日子

for my fantasy football team.

那可太糟了

That's too bad.

我想了一个很妙的计划

I had a little fantasy thing planned of my own.

喔，勒奈特...

Whoa. Lynette...

现在这里没有勒奈特

Lynette's not here right now.

我是布兰迪  放荡的啦啦队长

I'm Brandy, the slutty cheerleader.

一切都很浪漫  加布

This is all very romantic, Gaby,

但是我还有四个建筑预案要看

But I still have four building proposals to read

必须在明早前看完

Before tomorrow.

现在是加布"护士"为您服务

That's nurse Gaby to you.

加布护士?

Nurse Gaby?

我病了吗

Am I sick?

医生说你需要休息

Well,the doctor says you need to relax,

而我知道怎么让你放松下来

And I know just how to relax you.

喔

这闻起来像是甘香

It smells like licorice.

它混合了36种香精油

It's a blend of 36 essential oils,

茴芹根和茴香

Anise root and fennel.

你喜欢这味道吗

Do you like it?

怎么有点药物的味道

It smells a little medicine  - Yeah.

是茴香的味道

That's the fennel.

有点刺痛

It's stinging a little.

那说明压力

That's the tension...

正在从你体内释放

Leaving your body.

真的很疼

It's really stinging.

三到五分钟之后

And we can rinse it off...

就可以把它洗掉了

In three to five minutes.

但是在这之前...

But before we do that...

那是什么玩意儿?

What the hell is that?

对于一个正享受火辣护士按摩的人来说

You know,for a guy getting rubbed down by a hot nurse,

-你的问题太多了  -不好意思

You ask a lot of questions. sorry.

别这样  弗兰克叔叔

Oh,come on,uncle Frank.

如果你不能帮我和这些人交朋友

What's the point of having a gay uncle

要你这个同性恋叔叔干什么?

If you're not gonna help me make friends with these guys?

妈妈说全家都知道你的事情

Uh,mom said that the whole family knew.

好  我得挂了  爱你

Um,okay. gotta go. love you.

-怎么回事?  -我看到拉斐尔在街上瞎跑

What's going on? oh,I found Raphael wandering in the street.

我本想把它送回去  但是鲍勃和李都不在家

I went to take him back, but Bob and Lee aren't home,

所以我只好先带它回来

So I'm just gonna give him a little treat

- 然后把他送回他们的后院 - 不不不 等下

And put him back in their yard. bup,bup,bup! wait a second.

- 怎么了?- 把他交给我吧

What? leave him with me.

我正想方设法赢得他们的好感

I need to score some points with those guys,

做救狗英雄正好可以

And being a dog-rescuing hero could be just the ticket.

所以你打算让它待在这  直到他们回来?

So what,you're just gonna keep him here until they come back?

-也许更久一点  -多久?

Uh-huh. maybe a little longer. how long?

长到让他们担心

Well,long enough for them to worry.

他们越担心  我就越像一个英雄  明白?

You know,the more they worry, the more I'm a hero. get it?

我明白  你疯了

I get that you're insane.

我没有  没有  现在给我去弄点泥来

I'm not,I'm not. now get some mud.

我得把它弄得脏一点  让它看起来非常糟糕

I wanna dirty him up so he looks like he's been through hell.

进去

Okay,in you go.

来，我帮你拿

Here,let me help you with those.

我拿就行了  涅维尔先生(美国家喻户晓的摩托车飞车手)

Oh,that's all right. I've got them,Mr.Knievel.

- 噢 天啊 你永远不会放过我的 是不是? - 是的

Oh,boy. you're never gonna let me live this down,are you? nope.

- 我也这么想 - 我觉得你应该再去见一下医生

I thought the same thing.it seems to me that you should go to the doctor again.

惊喜!

Surprise!

伙计们...我之前跟你们说过的?

Uh,guys... what did I tell you?

你说的"不洗澡" 看看周围 都是男人

You said "no shower." but look around--men.

所以这是派对 不是洗澡

So technically,it's a party, not a shower. mwah.

安德鲁告诉我们你说不...

Andrew told us that you only said no...

只因为你不想被别人送礼

Cause you didn't want to impose.

是你的主意吗

Oh!  so you're responsible?

是的  我知道你说过不要太张扬

Yeah,well,I-I know you said not to make a big fuss,

可是 嘿 这是你应得的

But,hey,you earned it.

别傻站在那  快进来

Well,don't just stand there. come in.

我们准备了很多吃的  有趣的活动  还有很多惊喜

We have lots of food and fun and surprises.

没错 各种各样的惊喜

Yeah,all kinds of surprises.

她在哪?

Where is she?

布里

Bree!

菲利斯

Phyllis!

我..我也帮忙写请柬了

I,uh,helped with the invitations,too.

能被邀请我真是说不出的感动

I can't tell you how touched I was to be included,

特别是在我一次次地想要和解

Especially after my many conciliatory gestures

都被无情地拒绝了

Were so coldly rebuffed.

之前是我不好

I have been awful.

如果你现在生气地冲出去 我是不会怪你的

I wouldn't blame you if you stormed out right now.

胡说

Nonsense.

我来这就是为了庆祝我们重新和好...

I'm here to celebrate our renewed friendship...

还有你的小宝宝

And your baby.

也许应该是小宝宝们?

Or should I say babies?

你知道吗 通常如果妈妈的脸胖嘟嘟的

You know, it's often a sign of twins

往往是双胞胎的征兆

When a mother's face gets all plump like yours.

噢 恩...

我肯定你此刻不会介意

I,uh, bet you wouldn't mind

我骑小摩托摔断脖子了

If I broke my neck on that scooter now.

我去下银行

I'm off to the bank.

莉莉姨妈刚吃了药  她会躺那儿一下午

Aunt Lily just took a pill, so she's down for the afternoon.

好的  玩得开心

Okay. have fun.

你妈走了?

Is your mother gone?

是啊  你找她吗

Yeah. do you need her?

不  不

No,no.

她不在正好

This is what I wanted.

我还以为你吃了安眠药

I thought you took a sleeping pill.

我假装吃了  这样我们才有机会独处

I pretended to so she'd leave us alone.

莉莉姨妈  怎么了

Aunt Lily,what's going on?

我得告诉你一些事

I have to tell you something.

首先  你应该知道发生了什么

First,you should know that what happened...

那不是任何人的错

It was nobody's fault.

什么意思  发生了什么?

What do you mean, "what happened"?

你不记得以前在这儿住过  不是吗

You don't remember living on this street before,do you?

不记得

No.

恩...这是有原因的

Well... there's a reason for that.

迪兰?

Dylan?

妈妈  我还以为你走了

Mom,I thought you left.

支票本忘拿了

I forgot my checkbook.

-你下去帮我找找好吗  -好的

Could you go down and find it for me?  - sure.

你的确该安息了

You really should get your rest.

- 嘿 - 嗨

- 嗨 头套拿回来了? - 是的 跟新的一样 是吧?

Hi. got your wig back,huh? yeah. mm-hmm. good as new.

听着  我们可以让孩子们今晚早点睡觉

Listen,I thought we could put the kids to bed early tonight,

知道我的意思吗

If you know what I mean.

知道  我来安排

I do,and I'm up for that.

棒极了

Fantastic.

我希望布兰蒂不会为拉拉队

I hope Brandy won't get stuck late

练习太久

at cheerleading practice.

说到布兰蒂...

Oh,about Brandy...

坏消息

Bad news.

啊?  怎么了?

What? what--what happened?

潘妮想用那假发去学校风光一下

Well,Penny wanted to play beauty school with the wig,

这么说吧  她没有当发型师的天赋

And,well,let's just say she's got no future as a stylist.

剪了个糟糕的发型 是吧?

Bad haircut,huh?

看来布兰蒂会为此大发雷霆的

Sounds like Brandy might get awful mad about that.

布兰蒂已经过去了  别想她了

Brandy's history,tom. let her go.

拉斐尔

Raphael!

快出来  拉斐尔

Come here! Raphael!

回家了 孩子!

Come home,boy!

拉斐尔

Raphael?!

-李?  出什么事了  -拉斐尔不见了

Lee? is something wrong? Raphael got out.

我也不知道怎么回事  估计跳出栅栏去了

I-I don't know what happened. I think he jumped the fence.

噢 那我帮你找一下 好吗

Oh. well,would you like me to help you look for him?

真的吗? 那你的派对怎么办?

Seriously? what a--what about your party?

噢 只是个准妈妈派对

Oh.  it's just a baby shower...

是我为...我最好朋友办的

That I'm throwing... for my best friend.

我不能...我不能让你抛下派对不管

I can't--I can't ask you to leave that. that's--

噢 拜托 要邻居是干什么用的啊

Oh,please. what are neighbors for?

拉斐尔

Raphael?!

来这里  小狗

Here,puppy!

我看见你把莱克斯的照片都收起来了

I see you've taken down all the pictures of Rex.

如果那冒犯到你  真是对不起  费列丝

Well,I'm,uh,sorry if that offends you,phyllis,

但我不想让奥森在他的新家里不自在

But I didn't want Orson to feel uncomfortable in his new home.

我明白

I see.

你是在努力多为你的丈夫着想

You're trying to be considerate of your husband's feelings.

至少你在努力经营自己的第二段感情

Well,I'm glad that you're at least trying to get it right

我感到很高兴

the second time around.

但是看到父亲的样子在自己家中被忘掉

Still,it must be awfully hard on Danielle and Andrew

对丹妮尔  安德鲁来说肯定不好过

to have their father's face banished from their own home.

我们没有忘掉他

He wasn't banished.

顺便问一下

By the way...

丹妮尔在哪儿

Where--where's Danielle?

她在...寄宿学校...

She's,uh, at boarding school...

在瑞士

In Switzerland.

瑞士?!难道问问

Switzerland?! Is it asking too much

我孙女在哪块大陆上 也太过分了吗

to be told what continent my granddaughter is on?!

你不让我跟我的孙子孙女联系

You are keeping my grandchildren from me,

我都不知道为什么

And I don't know why.

我要去陪陪客人了

I'm going to mingle.

每次我想找你谈谈  你都走得远远的

Every time I start a chat, you walk away.

如果你不想跟我说话

I mean,if you don't want to talk to me,

干嘛邀请我来啊

Why did you invite me?

这是个惊喜派对  你这个笨女人

It's a surprise party, you daft woman!

你怎么会认为客人名单是我定的呢?

What makes you think I had a hand in the guest list?

所以...你根本没想我来?

So... you don't want me here?

噢 看在上帝的份上 费列丝

Oh,For God sakes,Phyllis,

我们的关系在莱克斯活着的时候就不怎么好的呀

It's not as if we got along when Rex was alive.

我到底对你做了什么呢

What did I ever do to you

我一直都待你像我亲女儿一样

But try to treat you like a daughter?

我都把我母亲的貂皮大衣给你了

I even gave you my mother's sable coat.

-你对你母亲恨之入骨  -但是我喜欢那件大衣

You hated your mother. but I loved that coat.

那我就还给你

Then I'll give it back to you.

不用了 你留着吧

No,you keep it

让它提醒你  为了让你喜欢我

As a reminder of how hard I tried

我花了多少精力

to make you like me.

奶奶  你现在就走了?

Grandma, are you leaving already?

抱歉  亲爱的

I'm sorry,dear,

你妈对我下了逐客令

But your mother has made it impossible for me to stay.

她把我的貂皮大衣放哪儿了?

Where does she keep my sable coat?

可能在她卧室衣橱里

Probably in her bedroom closet.

她去哪儿了

Where is she going?

她问我你把大衣放哪儿了

She asked me where your fur coat was.

然后...你就告诉她了?

And--and you told her?!

噢 该死

Oh,crap.

看来我买给你的吸奶器用不着了

I guess you won't be needing the breast pump I bought you.

这么说...是丹妮尔要生孩子了

So...  Danielle is having a baby.

没错  为了保住她的名声

Yes,and for the sake of her reputation,

我们就谎称是我的孩子

We've agreed to pretend that it's mine.

我只希望

I just hope that

那些瑞士医生 能好好照顾我的孙女

those Swiss doctors know what they're doing.

她不在瑞士

She's not in Switzerland.

她在修道院里

She's at the sisters of hope convent.

听着  费列丝  很抱歉  我知道这让你不好受

Look,Phyllis,I'm sorry. I know this is upsetting.

事实上  我很兴奋

Actually,I'm thrilled.

我就要当曾祖母了

I'm going to be a great-grandma.

恩...

理论上  没错

Technically,yes.

什么叫理论上?

What do you mean, "tecically"?

我们会说这个孩子是我和奥森的

We're saying that the baby is mine and Orson's,

如果你掺和进来

And if you hover around like a grandmother,

人们会怀疑的

People will be suspicious.

你不能阻止我见这个孩子

You're not keeping this baby from me,

如果你不想让我告诉楼下的那些人

Not if you don't want me to tell those people downstairs

那孩子到底是谁的话

Whose child it really is.

别那样  为丹妮尔想想

You wouldn't. think of Danielle!

我倒希望你有想过

I wish you had.

如果你好好教育她

If you'd raised her properly,

她就不会未婚先孕

She wouldn't be pregnant without a husband.

你以为我不知道自己是个多失败的家长吗?

You think I don't know I'm a failure as a parent?

所以这个孩子对我才至关重要

That's why this child means so much to me.

这是我的第二次机会

It's my second chance.

既然是第二次  我希望你能听取我的意见

Well,I hope the second time around that you take my advice.

我一直强调你对孩子太严厉了

I always said that you were too strict with those kids.

跟你学怎么教孩子?  真太受用了

Parenting tips from you? that's rich.

-在莱克斯眼里我可是个好母亲  -那为什么他老回避你

I was a wonderful mother to Rex. then why did he always avoid you?

为什么你很少来这里

Why were you barely ever here?

还不是因为你  他知道你恨我

Because of you! he knew you hated me.

他非常高兴你能那样想

Oh,he was happy to let you think that,

但不想让你来的人正是你儿子

But he was the one who dreaded your visits.

费列丝  等等

Oh.Phyllis,wait!

打扰一下  大家  我有几句话想说

Excuse me,everyone, but I have something to say.

说什么  奶奶?

What--what is it,grandma?

我...

I...

我得走了

I have to go,

我想说  过了这么久

And I just wanted to say how nice it was

很高兴能再见到大家

To see you all again after so much time.

再见

Good-bye.

谢谢你这么做

Thank you for the gift.

你知道的  布里

You know,Bree,

不是只有你一个人想要有第二次机会的

You're not the only one who would like a second chance.

-没找到  是吗  -没  它走失了

Nothing,huh?  - no. no,he's lost.

它也不熟悉周边的环境

And he doesn't know this neighborhood.

不可能自己找回来的

There's no way he's gonna find his way home.

他会的 别这样 你要对他有信心

Oh,he will. come on. you gotta keep believing.

完蛋了  鲍勃回来了  我要怎么跟他说啊

Oh,crap! Bob's home.  what am I gonna tell him?

先别说  我们继续找

Don't. we'll just keep looking.

我有预感我们会找到那只可爱的小家伙的

I have a feeling we're gonna find that cute little guy.

有你帮忙真是太好了

You--you are so nice to do this,

我是说 特别是我们第一次遇见时我那样对待你

I mean,especially after the way I acted when we first--

你知道吗? 这没什么

You know what? don't worry about it.

我进去拿些水出来

I'm gonna go inside and get us some water,

- 然后我们继续去找  - 好的

And then we're gonna just keep looking.  - okay.

李  我找不到拉斐尔了  你见了吗

Lee! I can't find Raphael. you seen him anywhere?

鲍勃  答应我你不会恨我

Oh,Bob,prom--promise you won't hate me.

-你说什么呢  怎么了?  - 拉斐尔跑出来了

What are you talking about? what happened? Raphael got out.

-它跑出来了?  -对

He got out?  - Yeah.

-它还不熟悉周边  -我知道他不认得附近的路

He doesn't know the neighborhood. I know he doesn't know the neighborhood.

你在说些什么? - 我知道....我不能

- What are you talking about? - I know... I can't.

-你怎么找的?  -苏珊  她...她去拿水了

How are you looking for him? well,Susan,she-- she's getting water.

等等  它就在那儿

Oh,wait, he's right there.

我的天

Oh! oh,my god!

我们的狗怎么会在你家车库?

What was our dog doing in your garage?

我不知道

I have no idea.

这么说吧

Here we go.

怎么了?

What?

找到机会

Did you get a chance

处理那丛林了吗

To,uh, napalm the jungle yet?

-对  -继续说...

Yep. and?

"南线"无事

All quiet on the southern front.

加布  我们得更加小心

Gaby,we have got to be more careful.

当然

Absolutely.

不过  这很刺激

It's kind of exciting, though.

-什么?  -玩火

What is? playing with fire,

就快引火烧身了 但还差点火候

Almost getting burned but not quite.

别这么想

Don't be thinking like that.

要是维克托发现了  他会杀了我们俩

If Victor catches us, he'll kill us both.

就是这样才刺激

That's what's so exciting.

你好

你好

劳驾

Oh,my--excuse me.

这是...

Mmm,that's,um...

你的古龙水味道很有意思

An interesting cologne you're wearing.

我妻子送的

My wife gave it to me.

有茴芹根  茴香

It's got,uh, anise root,fennel.

怎么 你喜欢这味道?

What,you like it?

是的 只是...

Yeah,it's just,um...

不知道...莫名地熟悉

I don't know... weirdly familiar.

来块蟹饼吗?

Crab cake?

好的  谢谢

Uh,yeah. thanks.

要蟹饼吗?

Crab cake?

-蟹饼?  -谢谢

Crab cake?  - oh,thank you.

蟹饼?

Crab cake?

谢谢

Thank you.

孩子们都睡了

Kids are asleep.

我还没

I'm not.

-你背后藏着什么?  -只是件小礼物

Whatcha got back there?  - Just a little present.

跟布兰迪更风骚的姐妹问好

Say hello to Brandy's even sluttier sister...

莰迪

Candy.

这是做什么?

What are you doing?

我只是...想

Well, I just--I just thought

既然昨晚大家这么尽兴

Since we had so much fun last night,

也许我们可以更快乐点

Maybe we can have a little more fun.

而这前提是

And that's only possible

我假装看到我变成另一个人才行?

When you're pretending I'm someone else?

你也必须假扮

Well, you have to pretend,too.

怎么了?

What?

这真是

This...

就是我  汤姆  不是什么布兰迪或是莰迪

Is me, Tom, not Brandy or Candy.

你老婆勒奈特  我不能满足你吗

It's just your wife,Lynette. am I not enough for you?

你为什么这么生气?

What are you getting so mad for?

上次的假发可是你的主意

The first wig was your idea.

对  那是因为我秃了

Yeah,because I'm bald.

我知道这很让人倒胃口

And I know that that's a big old turnoff,

不过  你要知道  我也不想

But,you know, I can't help it.

我患了癌症

I have cancer.

我知道  你一直这么说

Yes,I know. I hear about it all the time.

因为我偶尔的逃避你要指责我吗

Can you blame me for wanting to escape every once in a while?

-你是说  逃避我?  -对

Escape from me, you mean?  - Yes!

你知道为什么昨晚很尽兴?

You know why last night was so much fun?

因为我感到我不是在跟一个病人做爱

Because I got to make love to someone who wasn't sick.

听着  我知道  知道自己不该说这种话

Look,I know,I know,I'm not supposed to say this stuff.

我应该做一个英雄般的丈夫

I have to be the heroic husband who listens

当你哭泣的时候抱着你倾听你的话语而自己绝不流泪

And holds you when you cry and never cries himself.

可是整件事也影响了我

But this affects me,too.

当然...我知道

Well... I know that.

-你知道?  -没错

You do?  - Yeah.

怎么知道法?

How?

自从你被告知得了癌症

Since this whole thing began,

你有关心过我的感觉吗  哪怕只有一次

Have you ever once asked me how I'm doing?

老天

Oh... My God.

我没有问过  是吗?

I haven't,have I?

我变成那种...

I am one of those...

自哀自怨的病人了

Whiny,self-involved sick people.

我可没这样说

I didn't say that.

不  我就是 都这么几个月了

No,I am. it's been months,

几个月来我从没考虑过你的感受

And I have barely thought about what you're going through.

没关系  你正在对抗病魔

It's okay. you're going through something--

你能不能别再这么逞英雄了?

Will you stop being so heroic?!

我是个患癌症的贱人

I'm a cancer bitch!

干吗?

What?

我可不会跟你争

I'm not gonna argue with you.

你去死吧

You suck.

好吧

Well...

我想我能给莰迪一次机会

I guess I could give Candy a whirl.

孩子们真的睡着了?

Are the kids really asleep?

因为我想她可能很会尖叫

Cause I think she might be a screamer.

事实上  如果我们要扮...

Actually, if we're gonna pretend...

何不今晚

How about tonight

我不再是英雄

I'm not a hero

你也不再是癌症患者怎么样?

And you are not a cancer patient?

我们只是汤姆和勒奈特

We'll just be Tom and Lynette,

看看会怎样

See what happens.

我喜欢这个主意

Oh,I'd like that.

鲍勃的西装怎样了?

How's Bob's suit?

-彻底报销了  -如果我们拿去洗衣店呢?

Ruined. oh. - what if we take it to my cleaners?

苏珊  油漆是洗不掉的

Susan,that paint's not coming out...

我们只能买件新的...

So we're buying him a new suit...

2000美元

For 2,000 bucks.

$2,000?

李说,那件是杜嘉班纳的(意大利著名时装品牌Dolce&Gabbana)

Well,according to Lee, it's a Dolce.

-我是不了解  不过他提了六回  -发什么疯

I don't know what that means, but he said it six times. that's crazy.

不  真正发疯的是我要买

No,what's crazy is I'm about to buy

自己一生中最贵的西装

The most expensive suit of my life,

却不是自己穿

And I'll never wear it.

我只是想让他们喜欢我

Oh. I just wanted them to like me.

可惜他们没有

Well,they don't.

这李也说了六回

Lee said that six times,too.

肯定有向他们道歉的办法

There must be some way I can apologize to them.

我们再也负担不起你的道歉了

We can't afford any more of your apologies.

-我想  也许如果我...  -见鬼  苏珊  别想了行吗

I know. uh,maybe if i-- damn it,Susan, let it go,okay?

我之前就叫你别去了  你不听  看看发生了什么

I asked you to before,and you didn't,and look what happened.

我再请求你一次  算了吧

So I'll ask you again. just let it go.

迈克  等等  我们得谈谈

Mike,wait. we should talk about this.

我要睡了

I'm going to bed.

明天还要工作  为了买西装

I've gotta work tomorrow. I'm buying a suit.

奶奶!

Grandma!

-你来这儿干嘛?  -你不要觉得尴尬  亲爱的

What are you doing here? you needn't be embarrassed, dear.

你妈把一切都告诉我了

Your mother's told me everything.

见到你真好

It's great to see you.

我讨厌这儿  简直就是监狱

I hate this place. it's like baby jail.

这正是我要跟你说的

Oh. well,that's what I've come to talk to you about.

你是时候离开这了

Perhaps it's time for you to leave.

迪兰?

Dylan?

是你吗?

Is that you?

我们得...得谈谈

We have--have to talk.

嘿

你终于回来了

I'm glad you're home.

我想跟你谈谈莉莉姨妈

I wanted to talk to you about aunt lily.

她怎么了?

What about her?

很奇怪  她下午叫我去她房间

It was so weird. she called me into her room this afternoon.

说她知道我为什么会不记得

She started saying she knew why

以前住过这条街上的原因

I didn't remember living on this street before.

亲爱的

Oh,sweetie.

你的莉莉姨妈已经奄奄一息

Your aunt lily is fading fast.

她大半时间都不知道自己在说什么

Half the time,she doesn't know what she's saying.

是她吗

Was that her?

不  我才看过她  她睡着了

No,I just checked on her. she's sleeping.

两周后你就要表演独奏了

You know,you have that recital in two weeks.

你不是应该练习吗?

Shouldn't you be practicing?

迪兰

Dylan.

帮帮我

Please!

害虫

Pests--

他们会以各种形式和大小出现

they come  in all shapes and sizes

以不同的方式扰乱我们的生活

and disrupt our lives  in a variety of ways.

起初只是有些烦人

at first,  they're merely annoying,

我们尽量忽略它们

and we do our best to ignore them.

回家睡自己的床....

Home in my own bed....

但是如果我们不认真对待

but if we don't  take them seriously,

它们可能变得相当危险

they can  become quite dangerous.

对一些人来说

for some,

让其死亡似乎是最简单的解决方式

death seems to be the easiest solution.

然而害虫的麻烦之处还在于

but the problem with pests

它们所留下的东西...

is that  what they leave behind...

同样危险

is just as dangerous.