“所有年龄段的有同理心的人都明白，有时撒个小谎可以保护他人免受伤害，” 康涅狄格州的临床心理学家芭芭拉·格林伯格表示。“我遇到的大多数人都会撒这种善意的小谎，因为他们明白，任何时候都百分之百诚实是没有好处的。”她解释说，善意的谎言能让人免于不必要的痛苦。
与此同时，佛罗里达州的婚姻与家庭治疗师朱莉娅·布罗伊尔博士强调，注意我们回应他人的方式非常重要。事实上，不说真话可能会给你自己带来不愉快的后果；这不仅仅关乎听谎话的人。她举例说，如果有人为了回避讨论病重亲人的真实病情，总是对别人说“一切都好”，那么这个人最终可能会面临压力重重的处境。当那位亲人最终离世时，那个总是回答“一切都好”的人会因此而情绪崩溃。
布罗伊尔博士说，有时，是否说善意的谎言往往取决于具体情况。例如，想象一位女士已有数月未见到自己的母亲。女儿明显体重增加了，但母亲却兴奋地夸她看起来很棒。“我在心理治疗中向患者强调，情境有助于定义含义，”布罗伊尔博士说。“所以，当我们审视一位母亲明明看到女儿体重增加了，却说你看起来很棒这种情境时，这可能是可以接受的。这反映了善意谎言背后的意图，即善意、保护和无条件的爱。否则，善意的谎言——尤其是为了避免个人责任而说的——可能会在人与人之间引发不信任的循环，最终损害诚信，”她补充道。
因此，我们很有必要自问，什么时候适合讲真话，什么时候不适合，什么时候最好退一步，给出更为委婉的回应。通常情况下，关键在于找到两者之间的平衡。
附：英文原文
“Individuals of all ages who have empathy understand that sometimes telling little white lies can protect other people from getting hurt，” says Barbara Greenberg，a clinical psychologist in Connecticut.“Most people that I have come across tell these little white lies because they understand that 100 percent honesty all the time is not beneficial.” A white lie，she explains，spares people from unnecessary hurt.
At the same time，Dr.Julia Breur，a marriage and family therapist in Florida，emphasizes the importance of paying attention to the way we respond to someone.The fact is that not telling the truth can result in something unpleasant on you; it’s not just about the person the white lie is being told to.For example，she says someone who always tells others that “all is good” when it comes to a sick parent in an effort to avoid discussions about how serious their health issue really is，can eventually face stressful experiences.When that parent eventually passes away，the person who always gave an “all is good” response ends up emotionally broken.
Sometimes，telling white lies often depends on the situation，Dr.Breur says.For example，consider a woman who has not seen her mother for several months.The daughter has gained noticeable weight，yet the mother responds by excitedly declaring that she looks great.“I emphasize during psychotherapy sessions with my patients that context helps define meaning，” Dr.Breur says.“So when we look at the context of a mother saying you look great when she clearly sees that her daughter has gained weight，it can be acceptable.It reflects the intention of the white lie which is kindness，protection and unconditional love.Otherwise，white lies—especially when told to avoid personal accountability—can start a cycle of mistrust between people，ultimately compromising integrity，” she adds.
Therefore，it’s important to ask ourselves when it is and isn’t appropriate to deliver the honest truth，and when it’s best to step back and offer a more delicate response.More often than not，it’s about finding a balance between the two.
