The interesting question now arises as to what strategy a graduate student can use to make a successful display. Gene is enrolled in a program in public health. He has nearly finished his first writing assignment, which focuses on one aspect of health care costs in the United States. The deadline is approaching and there is no more time for further data analysis. He wants to make a good impression with his concluding paragraph. He believes (rightly) that final impressions are important. Gene(quite appropriately) begins his last paragraph by reminding his audience(i.e., his instructor)of what he has done in the
paper. He begins as follows:
Conclusion
The aim of this paper has been to examine the health care costs of non-profit and for-profit hospitals in the United States. In particular, I have examined the effects of decreasing co-payments under each system.
(statement showing how your aim has been achieved)
So far, so good. Then he recollected what Mr. Cao had said on another day about impersonal style. Sentences were modified:
The effects of decreasing co-payments under each system have been particularly examined.
(what I have done for achieving research goal)
His first attempt at completing his paper is as follows:
As the tables show, in non-profit hospitals, costs increased by 4.8%, while in for-profit hospitals, increases averaged 24.7%. As I have explained, the probable cause of this difference is that physicians in for-profit hospitals ordered many more tests when the co-payment was reduced.
What do you think of this?
A short review of the main points of your study (findings and overall conclusion -thesis statement)
Gene does not like the conclusion. "The wrong strategy," he says. “This is just repeating what I have already written; it makes it seem that I have run out of ideas. There is nothing new here; my paper dies at the end."
Gene tries again."This time," he says to himself, "I will take my results, summarize them, and then try to connect them to some wider issue. That's a better strategy."Here is his second version:
As the tables show, in non-profit hospitals the effect was relatively minor, whereas in for-profit contexts cost increases were considerable. In the latter case, the reduced co-payments apparently gave rise to a noticeable increase in the number of tests ordered by physicians. These findings support other studies which show that cost containment may prove very difficult in a "free market" medical economy.
A short review of the main points of your study (findings and overall conclusion -thesis statement)
A brief discussion of the implications of his research Comparison with the results of similar studies
Gene likes this version; however, he is also worried. He knows—but he has not said so anywhereyet—that there is a serious problem with the data he has been using. The comparison between the two types of hospitals may not be valid. He now writes:
The findings should be considered somewhat provisional at this stage. This is because the patients in the two systems have not been equated for such variables as patient income, age, and level of satisfaction with the health-care provider.
The limitations of his study
Gene is asking himself the question: Is it better to admit that there are problems with the data, or not to mention this at all? Which strategy is better? Will I appear more or less intelligent by discussing the problem? And if I do discuss it, should I put it right at the end? What advice would you give Gene? Write down your suggestions in note form. Then edit or rewrite his final paragraph to reflect your advice.
