The step is where character and courage come into play. In my work as a therapist, clinical ethicist, and trauma researcher, I’ve divided this step into four parts — or what I fondly refer to as the “4As of Courage”:
Acknowledge. Start by pulling yourself out of any distraction, denial, and distortion, and acknowledge that there is a reason you’re not doing the thing that’s hard. In other words, recognize that there is a meaningful fear or threat lurking behind your hesitation that is causing you to perceive yourself as vulnerable in the context of that threat.
Appraise. Get curious about that fear and vulnerability. Ask yourself what is most important or at stake — an imperative — in this threatening or uncomfortable situation, whether it is physical, emotional, relational, moral, spiritual, or intellectual. Name it.
Accept. Claim it. Say to yourself, “Yes, there is a risk that any actions I take to address that imperative threat or discomfort may fail or else be out my control in the way that I desire. But avoiding the fear and vulnerability is unsustainable, and doing nothing isn’t an option, because it’s so important.”
Act. Approach the thing that’s hard like it is a call to adventure. Something from the ordinary world is demanding both your attention and response. That something is worthy of your attention and response, even though it makes you fearful or discomfortable, or fills you with dreaded anticipation. Now you must “venture out,” through that fear and discomfort, despite not knowing the outcome. Through the process, you may feel even more discomfort, or else new discomfort; but in the end, the result of doing the thing that was hard will transform you in life-giving ways that you likely can never imagine.
