Three years ago, on April the 8th, my son was born. Like all the babies to their mothers, he became the focus of my life. With full love and great care, I began to learn the knowledge of different illnesses and kinds of conditions that babies may encounter, and how to cope with them. Besides I learnt how to cook, trying to make delicious and attractive food for him, colorful noodles, mixed vegetables and various style of cookies.
As an infant during the first two year, he was easy to take care of. I just needed to feed him up and make him sleep well, and then he was happy. Things seemed going well.
But when his second birthday came, the challenges followed too.
I gradually found him more and more difficult to engage. He got a temper, began to refuse, and even said the opposite when he asked for something. For example, if he wanted to eat an apple,he would tell me like "Mum, I don't want to eat that apple". At the beginning, I did what he told me to and said "OK, as you asked, I will not give you an apple". Obviously the answer didn't meet his real need; so he cried out and continually repeating the opposite words "I don't want to eat an apple" "I don't want to eat an apple". Things just became hard to deal.
Then I changed my strategy, I tried to correct him and told him that he should ask for something in the correct way, not the opposite. Otherwise I would not consider his words. Again, it didn't work at all. He still behaved like an unreasonable boy, expressing his demand in the opposite way.
That period of time, communication became so hard between him and the rest members of my family. Every time, either I made my concession to fulfill his real demand to stop him crying, or he made his concession to say in the right way. The bad news was that he was such a stubborn boy that he rarely made his concession. He seemed to know how to control us. That really wasn't a good sign. I worried that he would develop bad habits as he grown up. So I tried to refuse him and leave him alone, as a result, he began to keep a distance from me.
As time went on, the situation went worse. My house was filled with crying from time to time. That really frustrated me. I felt so depressed that I didn't know how to stop him from doing this. Gradually, I became impatient, sometimes even shouted at him with a bad temper. We couldn't even spend a whole day together in a happy mood.
Raising a baby was so hard!
A few months later, I inadvertently read a report about the characteristic of babies in this stage, and this caught my attention. I began to read more articles and reports on this subject, and the result really shocked me: it is totally normal for kids to talk in an opposite way.
The truth is kids have developed their consciousness, a sense of self since the age of two, and they eagerly want to express themselves. On the surface,they ask for something in an opposite way, but the inner purpose is to stimulate us, to draw our attention, and to get our care and respect.
How silly I was! How sad my boy was!
So, I changed my attitude and showed more patience to him, controlled my temper and gently talked to him. I made my concession while told him the correct way to express. No more shouting but more smiling. Besides, I asked him about his daily life, gave him opportunities to make his choice, and helped him experience his ego.
Guess what? We built our intimate relationship again!
He began to share his little world with me, and enjoyed being with me. The phenomenon of his opposite talking was less and less, his reasonable behavior became more and more. And now we get along very well with each other.
This is what I want to share today; this is what I've learnt after being a mother.
The arrival of the child means not only a changed title, but also a new relationship we have to maintain and develop. We should not only see the surface needs, but also his inner needs, spiritual needs; not only feed him, but also read him; not only protect him, but also respect him; not only accompany him, but also understand him.
That is what the love means.
Thank you!
