Study Day
[The episode begins with Teddy making a video diary entry for her baby sister]
Teddy:Hi, Charlie, there you are.
Nine months old and look how cute you are.
[Teddy turns the cannon to herself] And look how cute I am.
It's your big sister Teddy here,
And I'm making this video diary
To help you survive our...
Special family.
[Charlie first records Carlie messily feeding herself bananas.]
Teddy: Oh, hey. Looks like dad taught you how to eat bananas.
[starting with Amy, who she says is looking "lovely" even though She's covered in Charlie's food.]
Teddy: Oh, and there's mom,
Looking lovelier than ever this morning.
Amy: Not in the mood.
Amy: Okay. I think you've had enough bananas.
[Amy tries to feed Charlie sweet peas]
Amy: So we're switching to sweet peas!
[then she tries pears herself, but ends up vomiting them back into the bowl.]
Amy: You're gonna love them. Look, mommy thinks they're so yummy.
Teddy: Very smart. Always make mommy try it first, okay?
Teddy: [Teddy shows her brother, PJ. working on homework at the last minute, as usual.] Oh, and there's your older brother PJ.
Doing today's homework at the last minute as usual.
PJ: It's not today's homework.
This is yesterday's homework.
Teddy: There's a chance you two will be in high school together.
Teddy: [Teddy then shows Bob getting ready for work, she tells Carlie that his job is killing bugs. ] Oh, and there's dad preparing for another day's work.
He kills bugs for a living.
Bob: [Bob corrects Teddy] Honey, come on. we've been through this.
I don't kill bugs.
I'm a pest control specialist.
Teddy: [Show a 'Cut the neck'.then, Teddy says that she's shown everyone in her family, forgetting Gabe who points this out as he walks upside down the stairs. ] Either way...
So now you've met the whole family.
Gabe: Forgetting somebody?
Teddy: Gabe! no no no. I didn't forget about you.
I was just saving the best for last.
Gharlie, that was your younger older brother Gabe.
You want to say something to Charlie?
Gabe: You ruined my life.
Teddy: Okay, so it's taking Gabe a little bit longer to get used to you. You were kind of a surprise.
Gabe: I thought surprises were supposed to be good.
Teddy: And... cut.
Amy: Okay, gang, listen up. I'm going back to work tonight at the hospital for the first time since Charlie was born, So I want everyone to stay at home.
-and help dad with the baby.
Teddy: Wait... no, mom.
I'm not gonna be here tonight.
I have a study date at the library.
PJ: [PJ teases Teddy] Don't you mean "studly" date... With Spencer?
Teddy: Oh, save it for your pillow.
Amy: I'm sorry, Teddy, but you're just gonna have to reschedule.
Teddy: But, dad...
Amy: Bob!
Bob: Uh, dad's not available right now.
Teddy: Mom, don't take this the wrong way, But why did you guys have to have another baby?
Amy: Well, because three kids was just too easy. Three's for quitters.
Bob: And Teddy, you know better than to schedule a study date with a boy I've never met.
Come on. as dad, it's my responsibility to know every detail of my kids' lives.
Gabe: Oh yeah? What school do I go to?
Bob: Um... the one named after that president.
Hey, you know what? I've got to drive you kids to school.
Bob: Let's go.
Gabe: Wait, I haven't had breakfast yet.
Bob: Come on, let's go.
Gabe: Most important meal of the day. Never got it.
Bob: Let's go!
Bob: I've gotta get you to... Roosevelt?
Gabe: Lincoln.
Bob: Got it.
Song & Music
Day's all burnt toast
Running late, and dad says
Has anybody seen my left shoe
I close my eyes, take a bite
Grab a ride, laugh out loud
There it is up on the roof
I've been there, I've survived
So just take my advice
Hang in there, baby, things are crazy
But I know your future is bright
Hang in there, Baby
There is no maybe
Eveything turns out all right
Sure life is up and down
But trust me, it comes back all around
You're gonna love who you turn out to be
Hang in there, Baby
End
[Later that night]
Amy: Bob honey, I'm leaving for work!
Okay, honey, here's Charlie's schedule.
It tells you when to feed her,
When to change her and when to put her down.
Sweetheart, would you relax?
Bod: Big daddy's got this all under control.
Amy:[Amy is still skeptical] Okay, just because that's on your barbecue apron, Doesn't make it true.
Now if charlie gets fussy, her rubber ducky will calm her down.
They're all over the place. Please be careful...
They're all over the place.
Bob: Honey... You seem to forget I was fully involved in the raising of three kids.
Gabe: Oh, yeah? When's my birthday?
Bob: July 12th.
Gabe: November 23rd.
Bob: Got it.
Amy: Good luck, Charlie.
Mwah! Bye.
Bob: Bye.
Gabe: Hey, dad?
Bob: Yeah?
Gabe: I have a homework question.
Bob: Okay, fire away.
Can the average human lick his own armpit?
Bob: Yeah.
Gabe: Thanks.
Bob: So what was that, like a science question?
Gabe: Nope.
[Later in the evening, there is a visitor at the door.]
Teddy: [Teddy rushes to the door to open it, the visitor is revealed to be Spencer. Teddy flirtatiously opens the door]
I'll get it. I'll get it.
I'll get it. Nobody else get it!
Teddy: Hi.
Spencer: Hi.
Bob: Hi! I'm Teddy's dad.
Spencer: Nice to meet you, sir.
Teddy: Uh, Spencer and I are studying for our biology test tomorrow.
Bob: Are you, now?
Teddy: Yes. yes, we are, so can everyone please leave?
[Spencer pretends to the door, Teddy Grabs Spencer's Bag and talk to him] Not you.
Bob: Teddy.
Teddy: Yeah?
Bob: I thought your mom said no study date.
Teddy: eah, at the library.
Bob: Oh, right. Okay, so then you've talked to her about this?
Teddy: Of course I did. I mean, I'm... I'm pretty sure I did.
It's just I talk to so many different people about so many different things.
Spencer: [asks Bob a question to distract him] Why is there a giant bug in your house?
Bob: That, my friend, is the jerusalem cricket, Better known to the layman as the potato bug.
I'm an exterminator.
Teddy: Here we go.
Bob: Hey, have you seen my ad on local cable...
"Bob's bugs be gone"?
Teddy: Yeah, how do we make Bob be gone?
Bob: Okay. you've got homework to do.
I've got a diaper to change.
Hers... not mine.
I ain't that old!
I'm gonna be upstairs.
Teddy: Gabe... out. - Okay, fine.
But when's that hot guy getting here?
[Teddy chases Gabe out of the room, and Teddy and Spencer are finally alone on the couch.] Out!
Teddy: Kids.
Spencer: Yeah.
Spencer: Oh man, I left my book at school.
Teddy: Oh, that's okay, we can just share mine. Is that okay?
Spencer: Perfect.
Teddy: Good, Cause I'm all about the learnin'.
Spencer: Let me just grab a pencil.
Teddy: Oh yeah, I might have one.
[Teddy and Spencer pretend to look for pencils, but Spencer puts breath spray in his mouth and Teddy applies lip gloss.]
Teddy: I think I left my pencils at school.
Spencer: Me too.
PJ: Ladies and gentlemen!
PJ and the Vibe!
Spencer: Wow, sounds like you live right next door to that weird PJ kid.
Teddy: Hmm. Yeah, he's not next door. He's downstairs... And he's my brother.
Spencer: Oh! oh, I'm... I'm sorry.
Teddy: Yeah, me too.
[Teddy then goes downstairs]
PJ: Wait wait wait! stop stop! Emmett, you were supposed to open with the downbeat.
Emmett: Dude, I'm percussion, Let me "percush"!
Teddy: For crying out loud, guys!
Emmett: What's up?
Teddy: Can you please turn it down? We're trying to study.
PJ: No can do, sis. There's only one level in rock 'n' roll. And that is loud!
Emmett: Whoa whoa. I think we can accommodate your little sister.
PJ: Excuse me, But the band is called PJ and the vibe.
Emmett: So what, the Vibe doesn't get a say? I... I'm the vibe.
Teddy: Yeah, I got that.
Emmett: Oh, so you got my vibe, huh?
I'm gonna be over here.
Teddy: Turn it down now.
PJ: You will not censor my art. I will not be silent!
PJ: hey!
Teddy: If I have come down here again, this gets plugged into somewhere else. Okay?
Emmett: Yo, who's she up there studying with anyway?
Is there a second fine lady in the house?
PJ: Some guy she's totally into.
Emmett: I can't believe she's cheating on me.
PJ: She's not cheating on you.
PJ: She barely knows you exist.
Emmett: No, see, our relationship is just developing slowly.
PJ: No, there is no relationship.
Emmett: Yes, there is.
PJ: No, it's all in your head!
Emmett: no, it's not, 'cause even my mum know about it.
[Teddy goes back upstairs to continue their study date. ]
Teddy: Now then, where were we?
You know, actually, I think you were a little bit closer.
All right... cellular respiration.
[While studying, Spencer yawns and puts his arm around Teddy.]
Spencer: Do you mind?
Teddy: not at all. While we're at it...
[She throws a rubber ducky at the radio to turn on music. The two nearly kiss, but they are interrupted by Gabe.]
Gabe: What are you doing?
Teddy: Oh! gabe! What do you want?
Gabe: Dinner! Nobody's fed me all day! And I am still part of this family, right?
Teddy: There's a half-eaten sandwich in the fridge. Knock yourself out.
[Gabe then gives Teddy an angry glare and leaves.]
Teddy: All right. Now my brothers are all taken care of.
Spencer: Good.
Teddy: And there will be no more interruptions.
Bob: Teddy!
Teddy: Oh, god!
Teddy: What do you want?!
Bob: I need you to watch the baby for a sec.
[While walking down the stairs, he slips on a rubber ducky, and slides down the stairs]
Teddy: No!
Spencer: No!
[Charlie goes flying into the air. Bob catches Charlie just in time and insists that nobody can tell mom.]
Bob: Nobody tells mom!
Teddy: Come here, Charlie. Oh, yes.
Charlie's fine.
Bob: Ooh! But I'm not. Uh, Teddy, Tell PJ to fire up the bug truck, I think I gotta go to the hospital. Oh, and Teddy, you're gonna have to watch the baby.
Teddy: Noooooooooooooooo! Okay.
[Bob and PJ are in the car on the way to hospital]
PJ: Relax, be the hospital in 10 mintues
Bob: Okay, just please please hurry. Oh, wow! My butt is on fire!
PJ: That is so weird!
Last week, Emmett and I wrote a song With that exact same title.
Bob: That's great, son. just please don't sing...
PJ: My butt is on fire!?
Bob: Stop it.
PJ: It's the size of a tire!
Bob: Stop it!
PJ: Punch buggy!
Bob: Ow! What are you doing?! Could you drive, please?!
PJ: Hey, you want to play license plate game?
Bob: No!
PJ: Michigan.
[Teddy and Spencer in the house]
Spenceer: Maybe I should go.
Teddy: no!
Um, she's almost done with bottle. And then she'll go right to sleep.
Then we can studly... I mean study.
Now, uh, where were we?
Spenceer: Okay.
Teddy: Yeah.
Spenceer: What is cellular respiration?
Teddy: That's when glucose and other compounds oxidize to produce chemical energy, water and carbon dioxide. - Mm-hmm.
Also known as poop.
[Cut to Bob and PJ are in emergency room]
Bob: Oh, boy.
PJ: [flaps the ass of Bob ] Hang in there, dad.
Bob: [yelling] Wow! Butt fire spreading.
Where's the doctor?
PJ: I'll go see.
Bob: Okay, wait wait wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.
Wait. wait. We don't want mom to know we're here, right?
So please be careful.
Just try and blend in.
PJ: Dad, come on. It's hard for this to blend in.
Just figure something out.
PJ: "figure something out." "figure something out."
Mom!
[PJ tries to blend in the hospital by putting on a doctor's uniform.]
Boy: You're the doctor?
PJ: Yes. I am. I am doctor...
Shh... Chandrasooleewan.
Boy: Are you Indian?
PJ: We prefer to be called Native American.
Boy: Are you sure you're a real doctor? You look kinda young.
PJ: You sound like my wife.
Okay, uh...
What seems to be the problem?
Boy: I have a fish hook in my lip!
PJ: How'd this happen?
Boy: My dad is not a very good fisherman.
PJ: Hey, mine's not a very good walking-down-the-stairs man.
So...
I'm guessing you're a 97-pounder.
[Cut to Duncan's House, dining room. Teddy is trying to get Charlie to sleep by singing to her]
Teddy: Hush, little baby
Go beddy-bye
Teddy wants to kiss a really cute guy.
Spencer: How's it going?
Teddy: Well, we're getting there.
[Spancer helping Teddy by holding her shoulders and rocking with her]
Emmett: Well well well. What have we here?
Teddy: Emmett, why are you still here?
Emmett: Well, I was looking for the kitchen,
But I seem to have stumbled upon the ballroom.
[Teddy gets a phone call from Mrs Dabney]
Teddy: hello?
Mrs Dabney: Teddy, it's Mrs Dabney from next door.
Teddy: No, I have not seen your cat.
I'm calling about your brother;
He's eating me out of house and home
Gabe! Step away from the pie!
Teddy: Okay, I'll be right there.
[speak to Spencer] All right. spencer, I'll be back in like two minutes.
Don't go anywhere.
[speak to Emmett] Emmett, go somewhere.
[Teddy goes out for Gabe, leave Emmett in the kitchen with Spencer]
Emmett: So what do you think you're doing with my girlfriend?
Spencer: She's not your girlfriend
Emmett: Okay, maybe me and you need to step outside...
[Spencer stands up and reveals how tall he is, Emmett backs down.]
So you can walk me to my bike.
[Cut to hospital, PJ does his best to hide from Amy. He runs into a hairy man who asks for a sponge bath. ]
hairy man: You here to give me my sponge bath?
Amy: PJ?
PJ: Hey, mom.
Amy: What are you doing here?
Pj: I'll tell you what I'm not doing here...
Giving sponge baths to big hairy guys.
So, mom, what's... what's the happs?
What's...
[PJ retreats...retreats... dragging down the curtain that Bob is behind]
Bob: Hey, honey!
Amy: Bob!
Bob: Nice work, son.
Amy: Okay, what's going on here?
Pj: Dad fell down the stairs and broke his butt.
Amy: You weren't holding the baby, were you?
Bob: Um, yes...
Then no, then yes again.
Amy: Bob, you promised me you weren't gonna drop this one!
Bob: Honey, look, it was just a little accident.
Oh, and by the way, for the record... an amazing catch!
Amy: I knew this was a huge mistake.
I never should've gone back to work.
Bob: Sweetheart, this is all gonna be okay.
Amy: No. no, it's not.
It's too hard. I can't do this.
I mean, what made me think I could go back to work full time and take care of four kids?
I'm a terrible mother.
Bob: No no, you're not. Look, if anything, I'm a horrible father.
Amy: I know!
PJ: Would you guys chill? You're great parents. Teddy, gabe and me turned out pretty good.
Bob: Yeah, come on. We've got to be doing something right. I mean, hey, look at this... our son's a doctor.
Amy: I'm serious. With both of us working,
Poor little Charlie doesn't stand a chance.
PJ: Come on, no one's going solo on this. All us kids are gonna help out.
And if charlie gets a little messed up along the way, We can all share the blame.
[The intercom calls Dr. Chandrasulewan to the operating room.]
Intercom call: Dr Chandrasooleewan to the operating room.
PJ: [groans and starts walking] It never ends!
[Teddy finally arrives at Mrs. Dabney's house.]
Teddy: Gabe!
Sorry about that, Mrs Dabney, but you probably shouldn't let him in.
Mrs Dabney: I didn't let him in. He crawled through the cat door.
Teddy: Gabe, is there something you want to say to Mrs Dabney?
Gabe: Yeah.
[questions to Mrs Dabney]
What are you fixing tomorrow night?
[fix has two meanings: make food, and repair sth.]
Mrs Dabney: The cat door.... Gonna make sure it's locked.
Teddy: Okay. I think we're done here. Good night.
Mrs Dabney: It is now.
Teddy: [speaks to Gabe] All right, let's go.
[As Teddy starts to go home, Gabe sits on Mrs. Dabney's porch. ]
Teddy: What are you doing?
Gabe: Oh, so now you're suddenly interested in me?
Teddy: gabe, you're my little brother. I've never been interested in you.
....I'm kidding.
What's going on?
Gabe: Ever since the baby arrived, Everyone's been ignoring me. I feel like I'm invisible.
I'm just the loser middle kid...Like you.
Teddy: Just because I'm a middle kid doesn't make me a loser.
Gabe: Then what does make you a loser?
Teddy: I am not a loser. Okay?
And I was a baby once.
And then you came along.
And I was not happy about it.
But then you peed on PJ and I thought,
"Hey, give the kid a shot."
Look, someday you're gonna feel the same way
a bout Charlie that I feel about you.
Gabe: Well, how do you feel about me?
Teddy: Let's put it this way...
The hottest guy in school is at our house right now,
And I'm here with you.
[They all look at Charlie]
Look how cute she is.
[Charlie suddenly pukes milk on Teddy, and Gabe laughs]
Gabe: I am warming up to her already!
[cut to Duncan's House, Teddy walks down the stairs with delighted and joyful, says to Spencer]
Teddy: Okay, Charlie's asleep, Gabe's playing a video game
And we are finally alone.
[They attempt to kiss, but are interrupted by Bob and PJ. Bob, acting wacky because of the pain medication given to him]
Bob: Hey, everybody! I have a bruised coccyx.
Oh, come on! That's a funny word....Coccyx!
PJ: The doctor gave him pain medication.
[A car honk is heard outside]
Bob: Was that me? Sorry. I'm a little numb down there.
Spencer: Uh, actually, that's my ride.
Teddy: Of course it is.
Bob: [speaks to Teddy and shakes Teddy's hand as she passes him] It's good to meet you, son.
Bob: [speaks to Spencer with a cheek kiss, thinking he's Teddy] Oh, good night, sweetheart.
Spencer: Good night, sir.
[Before he leaves, he and Teddy nearly kiss, but are interrupted by a car honk.]
Spencer: Good night.
Teddy: Good night.
Bob: [shouting] Coccyx!
[cut to Teddy's bedroom, Teddy tells Charlie everything that happened through a new video diary entry.]
Teddy: So that's how dad got my first kiss, And how you flew for the first time.
But the good news is...
Nah, there is no good news.
[She suddenly gets a text from Spencer saying that he wants to hang out with her, and Teddy rejoices.]
I take that back! It's a text from spencer!
He wants to hang out with me tomorrow night. At his house!
Oh! I've gotta go wash your puke out of my jacket.
Oh, and, uh, one more thing...
When you're my age and you meet a cute boy,
Do not, under any circumstances,
ever ever bring him home.
Cause if you do, well...
Good luck, Charlie.
[cut to hospital, PJ is seen giving a sponge bath to the hairy guy seen earlier. He is using a fake hand as he doesn't want to touch the man's hairy back]
Hairy guy: Oh, that's wonderful.
Thank you so much for doing this.
PJ: Hey, if I can't be there for my patients,
What kind of pretend doctor am I?
So, uh, do you ever think about shaving...
Like, everywhere?
Hairy guy: I did... last week.
