父亲是故事大王
作者: 张满娇
祖上是听州人，父亲是清朝末人，编着长长到脚根的独辫子，看起来像个先生。
我父亲没上过学，但他自强不息，学会择日子，算命，讲故事.....
人们都称父亲故事大王，很多故事都充满传奇和启发教育意义。他在外面听过的故事，也都记在本子上，成了一本厚厚的《故事集》：
（一）有一个读书人赶京去赶考状元，在半路上突然听到一个女人的声音：“如果九式缝针穿不起，回来问过采桑娘。”抬起头，看见一群花枝招展的采桑姑娘，有一位姑娘看见他微微笑。由于赶时间去京赶考，没理那位姑娘。
一到皇上考堂，果然是一个纵横交错的东西摆在面前，叫他把它穿好就中状元。他绞尽了脑汁，沥尽了心血，怎么也穿不起。突然想起那位微微笑的姑娘，必定是她说的,立即找她。于是随路打听。一位白发老人带他带路,他说那位姑娘是女神的化身。
刚走到老人家时，这个老人突然消失了，迎面走出来的是采桑姑娘的父亲。父亲迎接他，并留他吃中饭。吃中饭的时候第一道菜是豆腐煮荷包蛋。他敏感地知道采桑姑娘是在家里，是父亲不让他出来的意思。吃完饭后，只见采桑姑娘右裙角上系着一根长长的丝线，从这个房间窜到那个房间，就躲了。读书人站起身来，谢了老人要走，那父亲急忙说，我去叫女儿来。读书人说: 不用了，你的女儿一切都告诉我了。那父亲疑惑不解: 我陪着你没有与你离开半步，真奇怪你俩怎么能聊到天呢。
读书人急急忙忙再次赶回皇上考堂，把那纵横交错的东西放到蜜桶里一浸，拿起来晾干。再捉一个大头蚂蚁，在它尾部系根长长的丝线。那蚂蚁为了吸九式缝针上的蜜糖，边吃边爬，爬遍每个孔，自然把屁股上的丝线带进每个孔内。九式缝针穿好了，状元中了。这位状元发自肺腑的感谢那位采桑姑娘，回来后娶她为妻。
（二）一个读书人走过高山，翻过草地，来到平原。刚走到一条宽阔的路上，一个女人，左手提着一篮竹笋，右手抱着一个孩子，挡在路上，使劲的打孩子。去京赶考的读书人见壮就问她，为什么打儿子。那女人说：“禾杆扎秧父绑子”，下联她对不出来了。没等去京赶考的读书人开口，这母子俩就消失了。等读书人到皇上考堂，考题就是“禾杆扎秧父绑子” 他不用思索就写出了下联: 竹篮装笋母抱子。他中了首名状元。人民传说，那女人是观音菩萨的化身，点化那名状元。
（三）一群人坐船过江，有一个人偶然想起流坤，就对老婆说：“这个地方有个流坤，他很丑的。女人没做声，就掀开衣裳给儿子喂奶。谁料到流坤就在这条船上，他看到那个女人奶头下面有一个大大的黑痣。下船了，流坤拉那女人跟他走，吵起来了，吵的难解难分。三人一同到皇上，皇上问他们: 你们的老婆身上有什么暗记吗？他丈夫目瞪口呆，哑口无言。流坤说: 我老婆身上奶头下有一颗大大的黑痣。皇帝命令那女人翻开衣服，果然是一颗黑痣。皇帝叫流坤把那老婆带走了。三人共路走，走到分路的地方，流坤说：“你这个傻子，蠢货！把老婆带回去吧。警告你以后再别说我的坏话了。”他的丈夫跪下磕头，连声说：“谢谢！谢谢！”以后不再胡说了。
人家传说，流坤是人害人精，他自己的哥嫂都要害，他们哭笑不得。有一次，流坤把大门卸下来端走，说哥哥在河里淹死了。嫂嫂哭着就去看哥哥了。流坤看见哥哥，说：“家里火烧屋了，全烧光了只抢了这扇门。” 哥哥哭回家了，在半路哥嫂相遇，才知道流坤说谎。嫂嫂将这话传出去，大家都知道流坤会说谎。大家要他说个谎来听听，
流坤说没空。他急急忙忙扛着一个网往河里冲，人们各家各户都扛着网追着流坤。到了河旁，看鱼儿戏着水，游上游下，这时流坤说: 这就叫说谎，人们知道上了当，灰溜溜地一个个回家了。
（四）一个有钱有势的人家，请了个秀才帮他写对联。那个秀才上联写：“养猪大过象老鼠,个个瘟”，下联写“做酒缸缸好做醋,坛坛酸”。那家人派人捉秀才去坐牢，谁知一转眼对联就变成了“做酒缸缸好，做醋坛坛酸；养猪大过象,老鼠个个瘟。那位人家立刻笑逐颜开，拍手叫好，用轿送那位秀才回家，并加重奖。
（五）有个人买了栋屋，他请了个证明人，盖了许多章。卖屋的人当着买屋的人和证明人的面就翻案了——他说他只卖了东门几栋，字上明明是写了西门是归我自已的。
这时买屋的人气极了，当着证明卖屋人的面，拿出写的字据，放在桌上。卖屋的人在字据上，在下到西门的下字下一拍——你们看，字上清楚地写了: 不到西门。这时他的小手指甲顺势按了一下,就在下字左边撇了一撇,下字变成了不字。
证明人原来盖章时明明是下字,现在看到的却是不字,他心里很不服气。但根本不知卖屋的人预先小指上醮了字据上的同色墨水,一拍就在下字的左角上加了一撇，变成了不字的妙计。
证明人无奈默认了，买屋的人只好哑巴吃黄莲，认了钱，又没得房屋，真是倒霉，有苦说不出啊！
（六）在村庄附近住着一位长的如花似玉的土婊子，纠缠男人魅力无穷。金本华是个挣钱的老手，又是个英俊潇洒正经男人。有一次他有事路过她门口，被她看到了，顿时一股热流冲动着，她的心跳着......,把他拉进去。
她立刻脱下衣服,抱着金本华亲吻着,不规则的抚摸着他,她那种热烈迸发出的火花,那种亢奋,金本华禁不住她的诱惑,他陶醉了,同他欢住到半夜。他清醒了,想起自己的老婆,他要回家,可是一股暧流涌上他的心头,感到体内有一种异常的东西在冲动。这是他第一次由衷产生的激情,他又睡下了。公鸡喔喔的叫五遍了,他要回家。她带着欢聚后的爱意，挽着他的手送他到三里亭，又再次热烈的亲吻，含情脉脉的目光看他，依依不舍的样子。他感到有一种东西牵制着他，他决定回家抛开糟糠之妻，同那个女的喜结良缘......
他象往常一样回到家里，他把所有的东西都锁了，钱也不交给妻子，锁在抽屉里。妻子认为温柔亲情是一副良药，可以感化肮脏的灵魂，于是她用暧来感化他的心。妻子煮了荷包蛋，摆了零食他吃。他一声不吭，把桌上的零食如风卷残云地扫干净。她低着头忍着气端来一杯热茶。他暴跳如雷地说：“你想烫死我啦呀？" 她又端来杯冷茶兑和，不冷不热。他口太渴了禁不住一饮而尽。她又去端来一盆热水，给她洗脚。他泼掉了。她心没有全部冰寒，又端来一盆温水，亲自俯身帮他洗脚，心想丈夫会给她一个亲吻。不料他怒火冲冠了，用双手掐住她的喉咙。喘不过气来的妻子眼睛发白，他才放了手。
这时她彻底心冷了，终日泪水盈盈，忧郁苦闷。他满含怨忧嘤嘤哭泣，泣不成声，卧床不起。泪水浸湿她躺着的枕巾，渗透到白色的棉芯，这酸楚的泪浸湿了心灵。心辗碎了，她在绝望中痴痴傻傻地整天想到死，她的心灵变形了。消息很快传到金本华的朋友那里，朋友挽言劝阻了金本华。他丝毫听不进去。无奈朋友把她带走了。
金本华的弟弟金本木看到哥哥的缺德行为，非常不服气。问哥哥是汉妹妹好呢还是嫂嫂好呢，金本华斩钉截铁的说: 当然是汉妹妹好。金本木教哥哥装生病，去试探一下，究竟是谁好。金本木奔向汉妹妹家，上气不接下气地说：“金本华哥哥挣了一笔钱，叫你去领钱。” 汉妹妹一听，她把手上的鞋底抛掉了，自言自语说：“做鞋底不值钱，同金本华好才有钱呢"
她象疾风般的来到金本华的门上。金本木风驰电掣的跑到汉妹妹前面。汉妹妹只听屋里唔唔唔的声音，金本木说是哥哥数钱，一五一十。她就迈开步往里走，看到金本华死去活来，满地都是屎，她拔腿就跑了。金本木把汉妹一推，说领钱啊，这是锁匙屎，团箕屎，她站起身就飞快地走，嘴上念念有词地说：“倒霉了，倒霉了”。
这时金本木又去朋友家接嫂嫂。嫂嫂看到金本华的模样，头嗡的一下，腿软的只发抖。她用手抠住墙，撑住身子，喉咙仿佛堵住，透不过气来，眼睛一阵阵发黑。过了许久，她才振作起来，扑向金本华哭出声来。立刻帮他洗澡换衣，再把地上的屎扫得一干二净，千次万次的吻他。问他：“你怎么病成这模样？" 金本华欲言又止，羞愧难当，死也不肯说出生病的真相。
妻子东挪西凑勉强买了些东西给他吃。看到妻子这么好，金本华心被牵动了，感动的流下泪来了。但互相又不说话了，避免任何触及感情色彩的话题，两人沉默彼此尴尬。又过了些日子，汉妹妹又象美女蛇般的来勾引金本华，用清凉油擦到手帕上再擦着眼睛，装着难舍难分的样子。金本华毫不留情的把她送的东西归还，用任何魅力都吸引不了他。她来多少次就赶她多少次，金本华说: 还是我的妻子美丽可爱......
（七）一位地主请了三个人：老师，长工和放牛人。 他说: “老师，你能教我儿子考上状元，我女儿就给你做老婆。” 又对长工说: "你能把田里的禾，种出增产倍数的谷，我女儿就给你做老婆"。再对放牛娃说: "你养的牛能生双胞胎，我的女儿就给你"。
最后地主的儿子考上了状元，田里丰产倍数的谷，牛又生了双胞胎。
这位地主没办法了，只有出对联对子叫他们三个人来对——
什么弯弯一把弓，什么生来一线红，
什么生了叮当吊，什么遮到暗咚咚。
先生对:
红虹弯弯一把弓，太阳一出一线红，
星星生了叮当吊，乌云遮到暗咚咚。
长工说:
桃树弯弯一把弓，太阳射来一线红
桃子生来叮当吊，桃叶遮到喑咚咚。
放牛娃说:
眉毛弯弯一把弓，口点姻脂一线红，
两个奶子叮当吊，裙子遮到暗叮咚。
结果是被放牛娃答对了。天啊一个如花似玉的女儿，哪能嫁给一个放牛娃。嫁给先生还可以。又再出对子——先生写一百行字，长工挖一百条油菜沟，放牛娃去苏洲买鼓，谁先完成女儿就嫁给谁，决不反悔。
先生一个字还没写，长工一条沟还没挖完，只听到鼓声响了。原来是放牛娃走出门外不到半里路，遇到自己的叔叔，正好买了个鼓回来。放牛娃高兴极了，一路敲着鼓，一边唱着: 苏洲鼓子响咚咚，先生长工你一会儿快活，一场空。最后那地主无奈，只好把女儿嫁给放牛娃了。(未完待续)
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Father is the king of stories (Zhang manjiao)
Father is the king of stories
Author: Zhang manjiao
His ancestors were from Tingzhou. His father was from the late Qing Dynasty. He braided a long one legged braid and looked like a gentleman.
My father didn't go to school, but he kept improving himself and learned to choose days, tell fortune telling and tell stories
People are called the king of father stories. Many stories are full of legends and enlightening educational significance. The stories he heard outside were also recorded in the book, which became a thick collection of stories:
（1） A scholar hurried to Beijing to take the first place in the exam. On the way, he suddenly heard a woman's voice: "if the nine style sewing needle can't afford to wear, I'll come back and ask the mulberry lady." Looking up, I saw a group of colorful mulberry picking girls. One girl saw him smile. I ignored the girl because I was in a hurry to go to Beijing for the exam.
As soon as he arrived at the emperor's examination hall, a crisscross thing was placed in front of him and told him to wear it and win the first prize. He racked his brains and painstaking efforts and couldn't afford to wear them. Suddenly think of the girl with a slight smile. It must be what she said. Find her immediately. So I asked along the way. A white haired old man showed him the way. He said that the girl was the embodiment of the goddess.
When he first came to the old man's house, the old man suddenly disappeared, and the father of the mulberry girl came out. His father greeted him and left him for lunch. At lunch, the first dish is tofu and poached eggs. He knew sensitively that the mulberry picking girl was at home and that her father didn't let him out. After dinner, I saw a long silk thread tied to the right corner of the mulberry girl's skirt. She ran from room to room and hid. The scholar stood up and thanked the old man for leaving. The father hurriedly said, I'll call my daughter. The scholar said: No, your daughter told me everything. The father was puzzled: I accompanied you without leaving you. It's strange how you two can talk.
The scholar hurried back to the emperor's examination hall again, soaked the crisscross things in the honey bucket, picked them up and dried them. Catch another big headed ant and tie a long silk thread at its tail. In order to suck the honey from the nine type sewing needle, the ant climbed through each hole while eating, and naturally brought the silk thread on his ass into each hole. The nine type sewing needle is put on, and the champion is won. The champion thanked the mulberry girl from the bottom of his heart and married her when he came back.
（2） A scholar walked through the mountains, over the grass and came to the plain. Just came to a wide road, a woman, with a basket of bamboo shoots in her left hand and a child in her right hand, blocked the road and hit the child hard. When the scholar who went to Beijing for the exam saw Zhuang, he asked her why she beat her son. The woman said, "the father tied the son with the straw." she couldn't tell the second couplet. Before the scholar who went to Beijing for the exam spoke, the mother and son disappeared. When the scholar went to the emperor's examination hall, the examination question was "the father tied the son when the straw pricked the seedlings". Without thinking, he wrote the second couplet: the mother held the son with the bamboo shoots in the bamboo basket. He won the first prize. According to people's legend, the woman is the embodiment of Guanyin Bodhisattva and enlightens the champion.
（3） A group of people crossed the river by boat. A man accidentally thought of Liu Kun, He said to his wife: "There is a Liukun in this place. He is very ugly. The woman didn't say anything, so she lifted her clothes and fed her son. Who expected that Liukun was on the boat. He saw a big mole under the woman's nipple. When he got off the boat, Liukun pulled the woman away with him and quarreled with him. The three people went to the emperor together. The emperor asked them: do you have any secret records on your wife? His husband was stunned and speechless. Liukun Said: my wife has a big mole under her nipple. The emperor ordered the woman to open her clothes. It was indeed a black mole. The emperor asked Liu Kun to take the wife away. The three walked together and reached the place where the road diverged. Liu Kun said, "you fool, fool! Take your wife back. I warn you not to speak ill of me in the future." His husband knelt down, kowtowed and said, "thank you! Thank you!" No more nonsense in the future.
It is said that Liu Kun is a villain. His own brothers and sisters are crucial. They can't cry or laugh. Once, Liu Kun unloaded the gate and took it away, saying that his brother drowned in the river. The sister-in-law cried and went to see her brother. Liu Kun saw his brother and said, "the house was burned down. It was all burned up. He only robbed this door." My brother cried and went home. On the way, my brother and sister-in-law met and learned that Liu Kun was lying. The sister-in-law spread this word. Everyone knew that Liu Kun would lie. Everyone asked him to tell a lie,
Liu Kun said he was not free. He hurriedly rushed into the river with a net on his shoulder. People all carried the net and chased Liu Kun. When he got to the river, he watched the fish playing with the water and swimming upstream and downstream. At this time, Liu Kun said: This is called lying. People know that they were fooled and went home one by one.
（4） A rich and powerful family invited a scholar to write couplets for him. The scholar wrote in the first couplet: "raising pigs is bigger than rats, and everyone is plagued", and in the second couplet, "it's better to be a wine jar than a vinegar jar, and the jar is sour". The family sent someone to catch the scholar and go to jail. But in a twinkling of an eye, the couplet turned into "being a good wine jar, being a sour vinegar jar; raising pigs is bigger than elephants, and rats are plagued. The family immediately smiled and applauded, sent the scholar home in a sedan chair, and rewarded him with a heavy reward.
（5） A man bought a house. He hired a certifier and stamped many seals. The seller overturned the case in front of the buyer and the certifier - he said he only sold a few buildings in the east gate, and the words clearly said that the west gate belongs to me.
At this time, the house buyer was very popular. In front of the house seller, he took out the written note and put it on the table. The man selling the house took the next picture on the note when he went down to the West Gate - you see, the word clearly said: not to the west gate. At this time, his little fingernail pressed it, and he left the next word, and the next word became No.
The certifier was clearly under the word when he sealed the original seal, but now he saw no word. He was very unconvinced. But I didn't know that the seller dipped the same color ink on the note on his little finger in advance, and added a skim on the left corner of the next word as soon as he patted it, which became a clever trick of not writing.
The certifier had no choice but to acquiesce. The person who bought the house had to eat Huanglian silently, recognize the money, and didn't get the house. It's really unlucky. I can't tell how hard it is!
（6） Near the village lived a beautiful local bitch who entangled men and had infinite charm. Jin Benhua is an old hand in making money and a handsome and decent man. Once he passed by her door and was seen by her. Suddenly, a heat flow was impulsive and her heart beat, Pull him in.
She immediately took off her clothes, hugged Jin Benhua, kissed him and stroked him irregularly. Her warm sparks and excitement made Jin Benhua unable to resist her temptation. He was intoxicated and stayed with him until midnight. He woke up and thought of his wife. He wanted to go home, but a warm stream rushed into his heart and felt an abnormal impulse in his body. It was his first heartfelt passion, and he fell asleep again. The cock crowed five times. He's going home. With the love after the reunion, she took his hand and sent him to Sanli Pavilion. She kissed him warmly again and looked at him with affectionate eyes. He felt that something was holding him back. He decided to go home and get rid of his wife and marry that woman
When he came home as usual, he locked everything, didn't give his wife the money, and locked it in a drawer. The wife thinks that gentle affection is a good medicine, which can affect the dirty soul, so she uses warmth to affect his heart. His wife cooked poached eggs and put snacks for him. Without saying a word, he swept away the snacks on the table like wind and clouds. She held her head down and brought a cup of hot tea. He said angrily, "you want to burn me to death? "She brought another cup of cold tea, neither cold nor hot. He was so thirsty that he couldn't help drinking it. She brought another pot of hot water to wash her feet. He spilled it. She didn't have all the cold in her heart. She brought another pot of warm water and leaned over to wash his feet herself, thinking that her husband would give her a kiss. Unexpectedly, he was angry and grabbed her throat with both hands. His breathless wife's eyes turned white, and he let go.
At this time, her heart was completely cold, full of tears and depression all day long. He was full of resentment and sorrow, crying, sobbing and lying in bed. Tears soaked her lying pillow towel and penetrated into the white cotton core. The sour tears soaked her heart. Her heart was broken. She thought of death all day in despair, and her heart was deformed. The news soon spread to Jin Benhua's friends, who advised Jin Benhua. He didn't listen at all. But her friend took her away.
Jin Benhua's brother Jin Benmu was very unconvinced when he saw his brother's immoral behavior. Asked whether his brother was sister Han or sister-in-law, Jin Benhua said categorically: of course, sister Han is good. Jin Benmu taught his brother to pretend to be ill and go to test who was good. Jin Benmu ran to sister Han's house and said out of breath, "brother Jin Benhua made a sum of money and asked you to get the money." As soon as sister Han heard this, she threw away the sole on her hand and said to herself, "it's not worth money to make a sole. It's only good with money“
She came to Jin Benhua's door like a strong wind. Jinbenmu ran in front of sister Han. Sister Han only listened to the voices in the room. Jin Benmu said that her brother counted the money, one by one. When I saw her, Ben Hua ran away alive. Jin Benmu pushed Han Mei and said to get the money. This is key shit and Tuanji shit. She stood up and walked quickly, saying, "bad luck, bad luck".
At this time, Jin Benmu went to a friend's house to pick up his sister-in-law. The sister-in-law saw Jin Benhua's appearance, her head hummed and her legs trembled. She pulled her hand against the wall and propped herself up. Her throat seemed to be blocked and she couldn't breathe. Her eyes were black in bursts. After a long time, she perked up and burst into tears at Jin Benhua. Immediately help him take a bath and change his clothes, sweep away the excrement on the ground, and kiss him thousands of times. Asked him, "how did you get so sick?" Jin Benhua was so ashamed that he refused to tell the truth of the birth disease.
His wife managed to buy him something to eat. Seeing his wife so good, Jin Benhua's heart was affected and moved to tears. But they stopped talking to each other to avoid any emotional topics. They were silent and embarrassed each other. A few days later, sister Han came to seduce Jin Benhua like a beautiful snake, wiped her eyes on her handkerchief with cool oil, and pretended to be inseparable. Jin Benhua mercilessly returned the things she gave him, which could not attract him with any charm. She will catch up with her as many times as she comes. Jin Benhua said: my wife is still beautiful and lovely
（7） A landlord invited three people: teachers, long-term workers and cattle herders. He said, "teacher, if you can teach my son to be the number one in the exam, my daughter will be your wife." He also said to the long-term worker, "if you can plant the grain in the field to increase the yield, my daughter will be your wife.". Then he said to the cowherd, "if your cow can have twins, my daughter will give it to you.".
Finally, the landlord's son was admitted to the No. 1 prize, and the cow gave birth to twins in the valley with multiple yields in the field.
The landlord had no choice but to send out a couplet and ask the three of them to do it——
What bends a bow, what is born red,
What gives birth to jingle Dangle, what covers the dark Dongdong.
Mr. Right:
The red rainbow bends a bow, and the sun is red,
The stars tinkled and hung, and the dark clouds covered it.
The long worker said:
Bend the sun and shoot the peach tree
Peaches are born dangling, and peach leaves are covered with sound.
The cowherd said:
The eyebrows are curved with a bow, and the mouth is red with marriage fat,
The two breasts were dangling, and the skirt covered the dark Ding Dong.
The result was that the cowherd boy answered correctly. God, a flower like daughter can't marry a cowherd. It's OK to marry your husband. Another pair came out - the husband wrote 100 lines, the long-term worker dug 100 rape ditches, and the cowherd went to Suzhou to buy drums. Whoever finished his daughter first will marry whoever will never repent.
Sir, I haven't written a word. The long-term worker hasn't finished digging a ditch. I only heard the sound of drums. It turned out that the cowherd boy came out of the door less than half a mile. When he met his uncle, he just bought a drum. The cowherd boy was very happy. He beat the drums all the way and sang: Su Zhou's drums are ringing. Mr. long-term worker, you will be happy for a while. Finally, the landlord had no choice but to marry his daughter to the cowherd. (to be continued)
composition with assigned subject
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重点词汇释义
祖上ancestors; forefathers; forebears
辫子plait; braid; queue; pigtail
自强不息exert oneself constantly; constantly strive to become stronger; continuous self-renewal; make unremitting efforts to improve oneself
算命fortune-telling
讲故事tale telling; tell a story; narrate
在外面outside
本子book; notebook
读书人scholar; intellectual
赶考take a civil service exam
半路halfway; midway; on the way; in progress
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