从小我就爱拾破烂，糖果纸，用过的铅笔头，用坏的各种东西。直到2016年，我才誓图要从“屯物”转向努力过上“极简”的生活。从那时起，我开始有意识地精简生活的各种，从拥有的物品，情绪，人际关系，手机APP，和衣服。现在我的衣橱只有刚刚足够的件数，其中两层被用来放置护肤品，和茶杯酒杯。 每当我的朋友倾诉她们有很多没有穿过的衣服，我的表情一定很欠揍地散发出自我骄傲。但是，上周末我不得不打破自我幻想。我在课上和学生分析讨论一篇题为《网络心理词汇》的文章。我的高二的学生（虽然她才高二，但是她比十六七岁的我聪明智慧了太多，即使现在30岁的我也经常被她的认知震到）对其中一张图（见下）的评价，让我觉得我认为的已经成功的极简并非事实。她看到下图时，错愕地问道”谁会做这件事呀！“
I used to be a depressingly addictive hoarder for over 20 years. It’s 2016 when I couldn’t take that side of myself anymore, I decided topursue a minimal lifestyle. I’ve been doing well/better at being minimal about things, emotions, relationships, APPs, and clothing. Now I have just enough clothes that two cabinets in my closet are for my cosmetic stuff, tea cups and wine glasses. Whenever my friends say to me they have clothes they never wear, my face must glow with a sense of pride. I’ve been feeling quite good about myself until last weekend when I was talking to one student (she is only a junior athigh school, but she is so much wiser and smarter than the 16-year-old me and sometimes even the 30-year-old me gets intimated by her intelligence) about an article on Internet-psychology Glossary. She commented on the below image saying with a confusing tone “It doesn’t make sense, who would do things like this?”
by Dan Abromowitz and Eugenia Viti
我的自我画像缩小了很多倍，我的胃部肌肉扭在了一起，我低头看向桌子。然后，我立刻意识到我不能太自我沉浸而且我正在完成工作。于是，为了证明我的授课内容选择是真实语言情境， 我打开我的谷歌”书签"给她看说“我就是这个群体的一员，我就会做这件事情。”（后来回到家，我数了一下，我收藏了121个网站。）她皱了下眉头，延迟两秒说道 “哦，好吧。”
My sense of self all of a sudden shrank, my stomach muscle felt tense and I looked down at the desk. Then I realize I shouldn’t take anything personally and I was getting paid to teach that lesson. So, in order to back upmy choice of teaching material, I opened a new tab on Google browser and hesitantlyshowed to her all the bookmarks I have (later when I got home, I counted thatthere are 121 websites being bookmarked) “I am one of the people who does this.”She frowned a bit and said with a two-second delay “Oh ok.”
现在一周过去了，期间我也和自己做了几次对谈，我终于意识到，我还在“屯物”。我在屯各种各样的想法，很多想法我甚至都不曾记得。但是，为什么我不回访这些网站，不砌建我的想法，我却把它们看得如此重要甚至神圣呢？因为有创新思考的能力/欲望是帮助我克服对自己平庸生活挫败及不满足的安慰剂。
Now nearly a week has passed, after having a few serious inner dialogues with myself, I’ve realized I am still a HOARDER! A hoarder of all sorts of ideas that I probably don’t even remember I have had. Why would I still hoard them and see my bookmarks as a scared collection? Because they are a placebo to relieve my dissatisfaction, frustration towards my ordinary, mediocre life.
illustration byMai Ly Degnan
www.mailyillustration.com
往好处看，我确实时不时会将一些看到的学到的新颖的想法/理论应用至我的日常琐碎的生活当中。这次我将Jackie Fenn的“光环曲线”应用在了解释我屯/追逐想法的习惯上。
On the bright side, I do apply some brilliant ideas/theories I learn from others into my chore-filled lives. This time, I analyzed my weird “bookmark” hobby using Jackie Fenn’s Hype Cycle.
我之前总是会想办法冒出各种各样的我觉得有可能会实现的想法，而有创新能力的虚幻总是让我感到有力量并且很兴奋，这种力量感会把我推到 ”高期望值顶峰“，但是我从来都不想着如何实现一些想法，因为我不想面对现实的检验，不想面对困难，因为一旦脚踏实地地思考，需要迎接的便是 “希望破灭的低谷期”。 我与一位朋友分享了我的判断，她表示她知道我喜欢智力上的自嗨，然后很积极地分享了她的经验。她说 ”天呢，我真的是失败，我也从来没有跨越过”高期望值顶峰“耶。昨天我想跟女儿做饼干来着，我们可兴奋了，一直在网上查询挑选饼干的形状，颜色。但是，当我看了材料单需要各种黄油、牛奶、低筋面粉，等等。我的兴奋一下就都泡沫化了，即刻跌到了“低谷期”。然后我跟女儿说咱们改天再做吧。“
Coming up with ideas that I assume would turn into a proper business makes me feel literally high by pushing me onto a “peak of inflated expectations”. But I won’t proceed with the ideas coz I don’t want any of the hard dose of reality which would throw me down to a “trough of disillusionment”. When I shared my example with a friend, she said with an exaggerating voice “Dearie me, I am such a failure. My life has never crossed the “trough of disillusionment”. Yesterday I wanted to make cookies with my kid. We were soexcited, and we looked at all pretty pictures online and were deciding in what shape we want our cookies to be. But then I saw the ingredient list, I realized we still need to go out and get butter, flour, milk, etc. We then just swept into the “trough of disillusionment” and I said to my daughter, let’s do it another time.”
I Embrace My Shadow SelfbyBeth Conklin
Peace Y'all
