2017年7月7日

LISTENING TO OUR LANGUAGE 聆听我们自己的语言

因为我们的态度和行为源自我们的思维paradigms，如果我们使用我们的自我意识self-awareness来审视我们态度和行为，我们往往会看到它们背后的 paradigms。

我们可以通过聆听我们说过的语言，来观察我们是proactive people（积极主动的人）或是reactive people消极被动的人）。

从他们的语言对比，我们可以看出，这是对待责任不同，是责任转移的问题。消极被动的人的潜台词就是 “这不是我的责任，我不能选择。”往往有一种推卸责任的意图。消极被动的最大的害处就是它会使人容易self-fulling prophecy，在这里理解成宿命论也许更为恰当，它会使人强化某种思维即我们在这件事上命运被定了，无能为力了，然后又会不断的去强化证实这种想法，他们感到自己的受害者，无法掌握自己的命运。一直在拼命的指责抱怨外在环境或其他人。

再举例来说，对于love（爱）这个字，消极被动的人认为爱是一个名词，是一种感情（feeling)，他们被情感驱使，一旦婚姻爱情出现了问题，便认为感情已经不在，无法弥补，他们认为爱是种感觉，没有了感觉就没有了爱，他们的行为任由感觉驱使左右，而积极主动的人认为爱是一个动词，（love is a verb)爱是你需要作出一些牺牲，爱是你需要作出一些调整，就像母亲生育新生命，爱是奉献牺牲，不求回报，就像父母养育孩子，无微不至，爱必须通过行动来体现，爱的感觉由此而生。

CIRCLE OF CONCERN and CIRCLE OF INFLUENCE 关注圈与影响圈

通过看一个人的时间和精力集中于哪些事物，也能大致判断他是否积极主动。每个人都有格外关注的问题，比如子女教育，空气质量，健康，工作就业，等等，这些都可以被划入关注圈(Circle of Concen )。在关注圈内的事物，有些我们可以控制，有些超出了我们的掌控能力，那些我们有能力改变的，我们可以圈成一个较小的圈子，“影响圈”(Circle of Influence)。观察一个人的精力和时间在哪个圈子，就可以判断他是否积极主动。

Proactive people（积极主动的人） focus 在 Circle of Influence（影响圈），他们专心做自己力所能及的事，满满正能量，他们能够慢慢使自己的影响圈不断扩大。.

而Reactive people（消极被动的人）把时间精力都 focus 在 Circle of Concern（关注圈）里。他们在意的是别人，是外在环境，以及他们无法改变的情况，因为他们关注的是他们无法改变无法掌控的人或事物，所以他们所做的只能是抱怨，发牢骚，控诉对方，觉得自己是受害者，并不断为自己找借口。其实一旦你选择把精力时间放到关注圈上，就等于让你自己受制于外部条件，自己不会采取积极主动的办法去改变。这样的负能量会造成影响圈的日益缩小。

DIRECT, INDIRECT, AND NO CONTROL 直接控制、间接控制和无法控制

我们面对的问题可以分为三类：可直接控制的

Direct Control

(问题与自身的行为有关)，可间接控制的

Indirect Control

(问题与他人的行为有关)和无法控制的

No Control

(我们无能为力的问题，例如我们的过去或现实的环境)。对于这三类问题，积极主动的人都是由影响圈着手，加以解决。

如果问题属于Direct Control和Indirect Control，那么我们就去想办法解决它们。如果问题属于No Control，我们就要学会去接受，去放下。

出现问题时，面对它，接受它，处理它，放下它。

积极主动的人会扩大自己的影响圈，不让外在的因素控制自己，消极被动的人总会说

“如果我的房屋贷款付清了，我就没这么烦心了。”

“如果我的老板不这么独断专行„„”

“如果孩子肯听话„„”

“如果我学历更高„„”

“如果我有更多属于自己的时间„„”

这种人总是把时间和精力放在自己不能左右的外部事务上，他的关注圈里到处充斥着”如果，怎样“。其实当我们把问题想成外部原因时，这种想法本身就是问题。

而积极主动的人则是inside-out由内到外，聚焦于自己的能力所及的影响圈，自己先作出积极的改变，然后再去改变环境 。他的语言则是“可以”

比如“我可以更耐心、更明智、更体贴„„”

THE OTHER END OF THE STICK 手杖的另一头

在我们把关注圈转移到影响圈之前，我们需要好好思考一下关注圈里的两件事情。一是后果（consequences），二是错误（mistakes）。

While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequence of those actions.

When we pick up one end of the stick, we pick up the other.

我们有自由去选择我们的行动，却没有自由去选择那些行动的结果。结果由自然法则所决定。我们可以决定出现在一列高速列车前面，但是我们不能决定火车撞到我们的后果。我们有针对任何情况选择回应的自由，但是这样做的话，我们也必须承担自由选择的后果，，就好像“拾起手杖的一头，也就拾起了手杖的另一头”。

毫无疑问，也许我们捡起了手杖的一头，我们才发现是一个错误，真让人后悔，但又无能为力。人生中作出错误选择的时候很多，积极主动的人会承认错误，改正错误，从中吸取经验教训。The proactive approach to a mistake is to acknowledge it instantly,correct and learn from it.如果犯了错误却不肯承认和改正，也不从中吸取教训，等于错上加错，自欺欺人。实际上伤害我们最深的，既不是别人的所作所为，也不是错误本身个，而是我们对错误的反应。我们对错误的反应都会影响到下一刻发生的事件，所以一定要立刻承认并加以改正，避免殃及后来，而且我们的力量也会由此得到恢复。

MAKING AND KEEPING COMMITMENTS 做出承诺 信守承诺

  正在电脑上苦思冥想，奋笔疾书，电话那头传来大儿子的声音，又在为了练琴多练少练几分钟喋喋不休，牢骚满腹，电话那头的儿子不就是处处都是采取reactive reponse的人吗？眼看着他长大，曾经心血培育的他，聪明剔透，有时候却真的让人无力，纵然内心百转千肠，可是话到嘴边，却无力去说，看着那张分别有些棱角的脸庞，却是遮不住的稚气，儿子，叫妈妈如何对你说，从男孩到男人，不仅仅是一个字的改变，它关乎责任，承诺。妈妈希望你快快长大。

成长的精髓，是承诺。做出承诺和信守诺言的能力。即使承诺只是小事情，只要有勇气迈出第一步，也表明我们有足够的自制力，勇气和实力承担更多的责任。一次次做出承诺，一次次信守诺言，终于有一天巨大的荣誉感会超越情绪的力量。从小事开始，做照亮别人的光，而不是指责别人的裁判，以身作则，而不是一心挑错，去解决问题，而不是制造麻烦。如果你一直认为你的问题是外部造成的，那么就此打住吧，这种想法本身就是问题。

Be a light, not a judge.

Be a model, not a critic.

Be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

单词部分

1.mock v.(VERB) 嘲笑；嘲弄；（模仿）取笑 If someone mocks you, they show or pretend that they think you are foolish or inferior, for example by saying something funny about you, or by imitating your behaviour.

● I thought you were mocking me...我还以为你是在嘲笑我。

(ADJ) 假的;仿制的;假装的 You use mock to describe something which is not real or genuine, but which is intended to be very similar to the real thing.

● 'It's tragic!' swoons Jeffrey in mock horror...“真惨啊！”杰弗里假装吓昏了过去。

(N-COUNT) 模拟考试 Mocks are practice exams that you take as part of your preparation for real exams.

● She went from a D in her mocks to a B in the real thing.她模拟考试得了D，到了真正考试的时候却拿了个B。

2.prophecy n.(N-VAR) 预言 A prophecy is a statement in which someone says they strongly believe that a particular thing will happen.

● The youth, too, fulfilled the prophecy.那个年轻人，同样地，让预言说中了。

3.script v.(VERB) 为(电影等)写剧本;为(广播、电视节目)撰稿 The person who scripts a film or a radio or television play writes it.

● ...James Cameron, who scripted and directed both films.詹姆斯·卡梅伦，这两部电影的编剧兼导演

n.(N-COUNT) (戏剧、电影)剧本;(电视节目)广播稿 The script of a play, film, or television programme is the written version of it.

● Jenny's writing a film script.

珍妮在写一个电影剧本。

4.abdicate v.1.(VERB) 退位;逊位 If a king or queen abdicates, he or she gives up being king or queen.

● The last French king was Louis Philippe, who abdicated in 1848.法国末代国王是1848年逊位的路易·菲力普。

2.(VERB) 放弃（责任）；失（职） If you say that someone has abdicated responsibility for something, you disapprove of them because they have refused to accept responsibility for it any longer.

● Many parents simply abdicate all responsibility for their children.许多父母对孩子简直是完全撒手不管。

5.repertoire n.1.(N-COUNT) （一个演员所能表演的）全部节目，曲目 A per-former's repertoire is all the plays or pieces of music that he or she has learned and can perform.

● Meredith D'Ambrosio has thousands of songs in her repertoire.梅雷迪思·丹布罗西奥会唱几千首歌曲。

2.(N-SING) 全部技能（或才能） The repertoire of a person or thing is all the things of a particular kind that the person or thing is capable of doing.

This has been one of the most successful desserts in my repertoire.这是我会做的甜点中做得最成功的一种。

3.(N-SING) （某个种类的）全部剧目(或曲目) You can refer to all the plays or music of a particular kind as, for example, the classical repertoire or the jazz repertoire .

a pianist with a wide repertoire能演奏很多曲子的钢琴师

6.dictatorial adj.1.connected with or controlled by a dictator 独裁的；专政的

a dictatorial ruler独裁统治者

2.using power in an unreasonable way by telling people what to do and not listening to their views or wishes 发号施令的；专横的；盛气凌人的

If you are too strict with them, your children will see you as dictatorial.如果对孩子要求太严，他们会觉得你独断专行。

7.buffer n.~ (against sth) | ~ (between sth and sth) a thing or person that reduces a shock or protects sb/sth against difficulties 缓冲物；起缓冲作用的人

Support from family and friends acts as a buffer against stress.家庭和朋友的支持有助于减缓压力。

v.1.to reduce the harmful effects of sth 减少，减缓（伤害）

to buffer the effects of stress on health减少压力对健康的影响

2.~ sb (against sth) to protect sb from sth 保护；使不受…的侵害

They tried to buffer themselves against problems and uncertainties.他们尽力保护自己免受困难和不确定因素的影响。

8.stir v.1.~ sth (into sth) | ~ sth (in) to move a liquid or substance around, using a spoon or sth similar, in order to mix it thoroughly 搅动；搅和；搅拌

The vegetables are stirred into the rice while it is hot.趁米饭热时把蔬菜拌进去。

2.(因不舒服)稍稍活动;(睡醒前)挪动身体 If you stir, you move slightly, for example because you are uncomfortable or beginning to wake up.

Eileen shook him, and he started to stir...艾琳晃了晃他，他开始醒过来

3.(VERB) 离开 If you do not stir from a place, you do not move from it.

● She had not stirred from the house that evening...她那天晚上没有离开过那座房子。

4.(使)轻轻拂动 If something stirs or if the wind stirs it, it moves gently in the wind.

● Palm trees stir in the soft Pacific breeze...棕榈树在太平洋和煦的微风中轻轻地摇动。

5.(VERB) (使)行动;(使)开始做;激励 If you stir yourself, or if something stirs you into action, you move in order to start doing something.

You can't even stir yourself to have a drink with them...你甚至都懒得去和他们喝一杯

6.(VERB) 打动;激起，激发(强烈的感情) If something stirs you, it makes you react with a strong emotion.

● The voice, less coarse now, stirred her as it had then...现在那声音已不那么刺耳，它又如当年一样让她怦然心动。

7.(V-ERG) (回忆、感情或情绪)产生，苏醒，萌动;引发;唤起 If a particular memory, feeling, or mood stirs or is stirred in you, you begin to think about it or feel it.

Amy remembered the anger he had stirred in her...埃米还记得他曾怎样惹自己生气

8.名词n.(N-SING) 轰动;骚动;骚乱 If an event causes a stir, it causes great excitement, shock, or anger among people.

● His film has caused a stir in America.他的电影已在美国引起了轰动。

9.(PHRASE) 受到轻微影响;小受打击 If you say that someone has been shaken but not stirred by an experience, you mean that they have been slightly disturbed or emotionally affected by it, but not deeply enough to change their behaviour or way of thinking.

9.pushy adj.(ADJ-GRADED) 固执己见的；一意孤行的；爱出风头的 If you describe someone as pushy, you mean that they try in a forceful way to get things done as they would like or to increase their status or influence.

● She was a confident and pushy young woman...她是个自信又固执己见的年轻女性。

10.imperceptible  adj.very small and therefore unable to be seen or felt （小得）无法察觉的，感觉不到的

perceptible

imperceptible changes in temperature难以觉察的气温变化

11.languish v.1.被迫）受苦，受折磨 If someone languishes somewhere, they are forced to remain and suffer in an unpleasant situation.

No one knows for certain how many refugees wander the world today, or languish in camps without a permanent place of settlement.无人清楚如今有多少难民在到处流浪，或有多少人流离失所，在难民营里受苦。

2.中落；衰败；衰落 If something languishes, it is not successful, often because of a lack of effort or because of a lot of difficulties.

● Without the founder's drive and direction, the company gradually languished...没有了创始人的斗志与指引，公司逐渐走向没落。

12.merit v.(VERB) 值得;应受到 If someone or something merits a particular action or treatment, they deserve it.

He said he had done nothing wrong to merit a criminal investigation...他说自己没有干坏事，不应该受到刑事调查

Such ideas merit careful consideration.这样的想法值得斟酌。

2.(N-PLURAL) 优点;长处;优势 The merits of something are its advantages or other good points.

● They have been persuaded of the merits of peace.他们被劝服，认识到了和平的好处。