优先于为自己负责 是和谐关系的最终答案
Giving priority to being responsible for yourself is the ultimate answer to a harmonious relationship.
在父母关系、伴侣关系、亲子关系和其他关系里，
In parental relationships, partnerships, parent-child relationships and other relationships
我们当然要对别人好，这是和谐与长久的法门。
Of course we have to be kind to others, which is the method of harmony and long-term.
只是你要注意，要去觉察：
It's just that you have to pay attention and be aware of:
1、你的付出，是在委屈自己吗？是在忍耐吗？是心甘情愿的吗？
1. Are you wronging yourself by giving? Are you being patient? Is it willing?
但凡你有一点委屈、不情愿的付出，你日后都会希望他同样的委屈自己，来对待你。
As long as you are a little aggrieved and reluctant to give，In the future, you will want him to treat you with the same grievance.
2、当你这么付出后，如果他还是对你有糟糕，或者对你有很坏的时候，你能接受吗？When you give like this, if he still treats you badly, or treats you badly, can you accept it?
如果你付出后，希望他有感恩、喜欢你、改变对你的态度，If you pay, I hope he will be grateful, like you, and change his attitude towards you.
这些隐藏的期望都会成为你更委屈和更愤怒的资本。
These hidden expectations will become your more aggrieved and angrier capital.
真正的付出，是要放下期待的。我对你好，仅仅是因为我爱你：此刻我爱你，所以我想对你好。
To really give is to let go of expectations. I treat you just because I love you: I love you now, so I want to be nice to you.
至于你以后怎么对我，那是你的事。我对你好与你对我好是两个独立的事，不应该形成绑架。As for what you will do to me in the future, that's your business. I am good to you and you are good to me are two independent things, should not form a kidnapping.
你的付出，如果放不下对对方的期待，那就不要去付出。
Your pay, if you can't let go of the expectations of each other, then don't pay.
有的人觉得付出了不去期待是很难的，实际上难的不是不期待，而是“优先于自己”。
Some people feel that it is very difficult not to expect, in fact, the difficulty is not to expect, but to "take precedence over yourself".
在自己和他人之间，我们很难优先考虑自己。
It is difficult for us to give priority to ourselves between ourselves and others.
我们习惯性地优先考虑别人，然后又习惯性地期待别人优先考虑我们。
We habitually give priority to others, and then habitually expect others to give priority to us.
关系中最难的事情，其实就是：我，比，你，重要。The hardest thing in a relationship is that I am more important than you.
我们当然要去对别人好，但对别人的好不要超过你自己，这时候你就能不去期待了。
Of course we have to be nice to others, but don't be more kind to others than yourself, so you can stop looking forward to it.
当你能允许自己比别人更重要的时候，你才能允许在别人的世界里，他觉得他比你重要。
When you can allow yourself to be more important than others, you can allow him to be more important than you in other people's world.
每个人都优先于为自己负责，才是和谐关系的最终答案。
Everyone gives priority to taking responsibility for themselves, which is the ultimate answer to a harmonious relationship.
允许别人他自己比你重要，别人在为自己考虑拒绝你的时候，你也就不会太委屈受伤。
Allow others to be more important than you, and when others think about rejecting you for their own sake, you won't be too aggrieved or hurt.
慢下来，停一停。学习一点自我关怀，自己的好不好，也很重要。
Slow down. Stop. It is also important to learn a little self-care and whether you are good or not.
别忘了给自己的内心一点空间，也别忘了问问自己怎么了。
Don't forget to give yourself some space, and don't forget to ask yourself what's wrong.
