How long haven't I speak English?

I've really done a bad performance in evrything...

I used to have good capital in many aspects, but I always waste them. I have a high asparation on myself, but it just can't followed by enough efforts.

I came to Uk for changing my status quo, but fail, the way I Iive, the way I deal with people, and the way I deal with challenge still remains negative even deteriorated.

I dont think there will be someone who can stand me. And I don't want to talk to anyone because I can't make clear explaination about my situation. I don't know what to do, but I need new inspiration to reborn.

In terms of study, my tutor said that she loves the quote by Einstein ,' education is not just the learning about the fact, but the way how you think" I found many people greatly present it, but me, can only got the shallow meaning of education, I waste my brain, I dare not to show my opinion... I cannot explain my idea, or I fail to come up with any idea ...

I hate myself...