（讨好型人格在现实生活中屡见不鲜，譬如身不由己，言不由衷，强颜欢笑，甚至曲意迎合，助纣为虐等等。如何在坚守独立与人际和谐之间保持平衡，做正确的事而非对的事，告别讨好型人格是前提和条件，相信本文会能给您带来启发和帮助——笔者注）
作为一名正在努力摆脱讨好型人格的人，我曾耗费大量生命去取悦他人。打破这个习惯意味着难免会得罪一些人，但我因此成为了一个更快乐的人。以下是我用来停止讨好他人的一些方法。
明确你的首要事项。花点时间思考一下，你为什么想要学习停止讨好他人？你觉得需要取悦哪些人？为什么觉得有必要让他们开心？回答这些问题将帮助你设定一个可自我督促的目标。
学会说“不”。讨好者事事应允的一个原因是害怕令他人失望。但说“不”才是照顾自己需求的最佳方式。如果你习惯讨好，很可能耗费大量精力试图控制他人对你的看法。而你能做的最好之事，就是让他们去感受他们自己的情绪。当你不再为他人的反应负责，你会感到一种解脱的自由。
设定健康的界限。说“不”是在重要关系中建立更好界限的有效方式。所有健康的关系都有自己的边界。如果你尚未在关系中设定界限，那么很可能在某些时候，你会迫于压力去做自己并不想做的事。
接纳自己。许多讨好者对自我价值缺乏安全感。花些时间学习爱真实的自己。不妨参考我们对布琳·布朗《不完美的礼物》一书的总结，学习如何接纳自身的不完美并好好爱自己。
记住：你无法取悦所有人。无论你做什么，总会有人对你的选择不满。既然不可能让所有人满意，又何必为此劳神费力呢？
附：英文原文
As a recovering people pleaser,I spent much of my life keeping others happy.Breaking this habit meant stepping on a few toes.However,I’ve become a happier person as a result.Here are some tips I used to stop being a people pleaser.
Identify your priorities.Take a moment to think about why you are trying to learn how to stop being a people pleaser.Who are the people that you feel the need to please?Why do you feel the need to keep them happy? Answering these questions will help you set a goal that you can hold yourself accountable to.
Just say “no”.One reason why people pleasers say “yes” to everything is that they fear disappointing others. But saying “no” is the best way to take care of your own needs. If you are a people pleaser,you are likely to spend lots of energy trying to control how people feel about you.The best thing you can do is let them feel their feelings.It will feel liberating to free yourself from being responsible for someone else’s reaction.
Set healthy boundaries. Saying “no” is a good way to set better boundaries in your important relationships.All healthy relationships have their own boundaries.If you haven’t set boundaries in your relationships,the odds are that at some point you will end up feeling pressured to do something you don’t want to do.
Accept yourself.Many people pleasers are insecure about who they are.Spend some time learning to love yourself for who you are.Check out our summary of Brené Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection to learn how to accept your imperfections and love yourself.
Remember that you cannot please everyone.No matter what you do there will always be someone who is unhappy with your choices.And why bother trying to please everyone if it isn’t possible?
