友情,爱情,和亲情是三种不同的情感,但是他们又有共同之处。寻找一个互相理解和互相关爱的对象是人的情感需求的本质,是爱情(注意是爱情不是婚姻)和友情的根基,也是亲情升华的要素。
友情的需求可以说是最发自内心的,它不像爱情有生理需求的驱使,也不像亲情有血缘纽带的束缚,因此友情的特征最能反映人类情感需求的本质,也就是渴望被了解以及被爱。
爱情在友情的基础上多了三个特点,性行为,更强的排他性以及责任,但是最根本的产生前提还是渴望被了解以及被爱。在这个意义上可以说,友情是爱情的子集。
亲情是所有感情中最牢固的,因为它的根基是我们不可改变的血缘关系,而不是我们的情感需求。从进化论的角度来说,有保护自己基因以及保护与自己基因相似的个体的本能的生物能更好地存活下来。那些不会保护相似基因的个体更容易灭绝,所以幸存下来的生物大多都珍视亲情。换句话说,这种保护与自己相似的基因的欲望就是亲情的本质。
友情和爱情是社会化的产物,而亲情是生物本能的产物。
Dr. Robert Waldinger 在TED上有过这么一段话:
The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period. We've learned three big lessons about relationships. The first is that social connections are really good for us, and that loneliness kills. It turns out that people who are more socially connected to family, to friends, to community, are happier, they're physically healthier, and they live longer than people who are less well connected.
And we know that you can be lonely in a crowd and you can be lonely in a marriage, so the second big lesson that we learned is that it's not just the number of friends you have, and it's not whether or not you're in a committed relationship, but it's the quality of your close relationships that matters.
And the third big lesson that we learned about relationships and our health is that good relationships don't just protect our bodies, they protect our brains.
上诉内容的主旨就是,在温饱的情况下,良好的情感关系是人类幸福的最重要因素,同时需要注意的是重点在情感的质量而不是数量。
关系质量的体现在于两个人相互理解以及相互关爱的深入程度,而这种情感是建立在社会性的关系上的。由于剥离了安全需求和繁衍需求,友情是情感需求本质体现。这或许是为什么很多教育家倡导父母要和孩子成为最好的朋友,以及让伴侣成为自己最好的朋友的原因吧。