The Math of Love 3/4 - 懂你英语 流利说 Level8 Unit1 Part1

Okay, Top Tip #2, Now: How to pick the perfect partner.

So let's imagine then that you're a roaring success on the dating scene.

But the question arises of how do you then convert that success into longer-term happiness and in particular, how do you decide when is the right time to settle down?

Now generally, it's not advisable to just cash in and marry the first person who comes along and shows you any interest at all.

But, equally, you don't really want to leave it too long if you want to maximize your chance of long-term happiness.

As my favorite author, Jane Austen, puts it, "An unmarried woman of seven and twenty can never hope to feel or inspire affection again."

Thanks a lot, Jane.

What do you know about love?

But ok. So the question is then, how do you know when is the right time to settle down given all the people that you can date in your lifetime?

Now, thankfully, there's a rather delicious bit of mathematics that we can use to help us out here, called optimal stopping theory.

Ok. So. Let's imagine then, that you start dating when you're 15 and ideally, you'd like to be married by the time that you're 35.

And there's a number of people that you could potentially date across your lifetime, and they'll be kind of at varying levels of goodness.

Now the rules are that once you cash in and get married, you can't look ahead to see what you could have had, and equally, you can't go back and change your mind.

In my experience at least, I find that typically people don't much like being recalled years after being passed up for somebody else, or that's just me.

So the math says then that what you should do in the first 37 percent of your dating window, you should just reject everybody as serious marriage potential.

And then, you should pick the next person that comes along that is better than everybody that you've seen before.

So here's the example.

Now if you do this, it can be mathematically proven, in fact, that this is the best possible way of maximizing your chances of finding the perfect partner.

Now unfortunately, I have to tell you that this method does come with some risks.

For instance, imagine if your perfect partner appeared during your first 37 percent.

Now, unfortunately, you'd have to reject them.

Now, if you're following the maths, I'm afraid no one else comes along that's better than anyone you've seen before, so you have to go on rejecting everyone and die alone.

Probably surrounded by cats nibbling at your remains.

*

What is a common issue among people looking to settle down? They don't want to settle down too early or too late.

What is humor behind Jane Austen's quote "An unmarried woman of seven and twenty can never hope to feel or inspire affection again." It's too pessimistic to claim a one-year-old woman is too old to marry.

What issue does Fry’ second tip address? How to find the right person to settle down with.

What risk is there for people who reject the first 37% of potential partners they meet? The first 37% of potential partners might include the most ideal partner.

*

To convert something means…to change it.

To have a deep affection for someone means to…have strong feelings or love for them.

To maximize one's chance means…to do something in a way that makes it most likely to occur.

To settle down means…to start living a quiet and calm life by getting married.

*

It's not advisable to just cash in and marry the first person who comes along and shows you any interest at all. But, equally, you don't really want to leave it too long if you want to maximize your chance of long-term happiness.

Now the rules are that once you cash in and get married, you can't look ahead to see what you could have had, and equally, you can't go back and change your mind.

Okay, another risk is, let's imagine, instead, that the first people that you dated in your first 37 percent are just incredibly dull, boring, terrible people.

Now, that's okay, because you're in your rejection phase, so that‘s fine, you can reject them.

But then imagine, the next person to come along is just marginally less boring, dull and terrible than everybody that you've seen before.

Now, if you are following the maths, I'm afraid you have to marry them and end up in a relationship which is, frankly, suboptimal.

Sorry about that.

But I do think that there's an opportunity here for Hallmark to cash in on and really cater for this market.

A Valentine's Day card like this.

"My darling husband, you are marginally less terrible than the first 37 percent of people I dated."

It's actually more romantic than I normally manage.

Okay, so this method doesn't give you a 100 percent success rate, but there's no other possible strategy that can do any better.

And actually, in the wild, there are certain types of fish which follow and employ this exact strategy.

So they reject every possible suitor that turns up in the first 37 percent of the mating season,

and then they pick the next fish that comes along after that window that's, I don't know, bigger and burlier than all of the fish that they've seen before.

I also think that subconsciously, humans, we do sort of do this anyway.

So we have to give us a little bit of time to play the field, get a feel for the marketplace or whatever when we're young.

And then we only start looking seriously at potential marriage candidates once we hit our mid-to-late 20s.

I think this is a conclusive proof, if ever it were needed, that everybody's brains are prewired to be just a little bit mathematical.

*

How does Fry's example about fish support her claim? It shows that rejecting one's first potential partners is a natural phenomenon.

If the first 37 percent of people you date are undesirable and you reject them, what does the math say you should do next? You should marry the next person who comes along, even if they are suboptimal.

What proof does Fry offer to show that humans brains are mathematical? We use our past dating experiences to evaluate potential long-term partners.

Why is rejecting the first 37 percent of potential partners are useful strategy despite the risks? If offers the highest chance of finding a suitable partner.

*

A phase is...a stage in a process.

If something is suboptimal, it is…below the highest level or standard.

To do something subconsciously means...to do without awareness.

To play the field means…to become romantically involved with a number of partners.

*

Now the rules are that once you cash in and get married, you can't look ahead to see what you could have had, and equally, you can't go back and change your mind.

So this method doesn't give you a 100 percent success rate, but there's no other possible strategy that can do any better. And actually, in the wild, there are certain types of fish which follow and employ this exact strategy.

*

1. A risk is that the first people that you dated in your first 37 percent are just incredibly dull, boring, terrible people.

2. That's okay, because you're in your rejection phase, so that's fine, you can reject them.

3. But then imagine, the next person to come along is just marginally less boring, dull and terrible than everybody that you've seen before.

4. Now, if you are following the maths, I'm afraid you have to marry them and end up in a relationship which is, frankly, suboptimal.

*

1. So let's imagine then that you're a roaring success on the dating scene.

2. But the question arises of how do you then convert that success into longer-term happiness and in particular, how do you decide when is the right time to settle down?

3. Now generally, it's not advisable to just cash in and marry the first person who comes along and shows you any interest at all.

4. But, equally, you don't really want to leave it too long if you want to maximize your chance of long-term happiness.

*

It can be mathematically proven that this is the best way to find the perfect partner.

The next person is just marginally less boring than everybody that you've seen before.

There's a number of people that you could potentially date across your lifetime.

*

How do you know when is the right time to settle down given all the people that you can date in your lifetime?

I think this is a conclusive proof that everybody's brains are prewired to be just a little bit mathematical.

The question arises of how do you then convert that success into longer-term happiness and in particular, how do you decide when is the right time to settle down?