2019.3.15 己亥二月初九 周五 晴

      But after three months I somehow came to see that Mac was right,that it was I,not he,who had the character disorder.My time was my responsibility.It was up to me and me alone to decide how I wanted to use and order my time.If I wanted to invest my time more heavily than my fellow residents in my work,then that was my choice,and the consequences of that choice were my responsibility.It might be painful fore me to watch my fellow residents leave their offices two or three hours before me,and it might be painful to listen to my wife's complaints that I was not devoting myself sufficiently to the family,but these pains were the consequence of a choice that I had made.If I did not want to suffer them,then I was free to choose not to work so hard and to structure my time differently.My woking hard was not a burden cast upon me by hardhearted fate or a hardhearted clinic director;it was the way I had chosen to live my life and order my priorities.As it happened,I chose not to change my life style.But with my change in attitude,my resentment of my fellow residents vanished.It simply no longer made any sense to resent them for having chosen a life style different from mine when I as completely free to choose to be like them if I wanted to.To resent them was to resent my own choice to be different from them,a choice that I was happy with.
        但三个月后我不知怎地开始觉得麦克是对的，的确是我而不是他，有性格障碍。我的时间我负责。这是由我也只有我决定我该如何使用和安排我的时间。如果我要比我的实习同事努力工作投入时间更多，那是我的选择，而那个选择的结果我负责。 看着我的实习同事早我三四个小时离开办公室或许很痛苦，听我老婆抱怨我对家里投入时间不多或许很痛苦，但这些痛苦是我作出的选择的结果。 如果我不想忍受这些，我有我选择的自由，不去如此努力工作，而以不同的方式来精心安排我的时间；我的努力工作不是无情的命运或无情的门诊部主管丢给我的负担，而是我选择的生活方式和我安排的重要的事。 当他发生时我并没有选择改变我的生活方式。但随着我态度上的改变，我对实习同事们的怨恨消失了。我有完全的自由选择和他们一样如果我乐意，但怨恨他们选择和我不同的生活方式根本毫无意义。怨恨他们就是怨恨自己和他们有一个不同的选择，一个我情愿乐意的选择。