That night I saw my father stopped breathing. I still remember very clear all the details about him. The color of his ear, the tempreture of his face, the feeling of his hands, the expression left on his face, the last piece of clothing on him, the palce he lie on... I actually did not want to cry at that moment, I just wanted to look at him, observe him, he was more like sleeping than passed away. That was the first time I saw a human stop breathing, that was the first time I know a human actually can stop breathing. But at that time I had no clue that I would not have chance to see anymore, forever. He was there, right next to me, sleeping. Until the moment they were closing the coffin that he was sleeping in, the moment they were moving his coffin out of the small living room. I cried hysterically. The pain is coming back now, and I know it will always be there, somewhere inside of me, alone with my entire lifetime.
As father passed way, I see things, and become more indepenent. I stop talking to some ppl, somehow they are just not important for me anymore, and I love some ppl even more, even they have no idea what I've gone through.
He left me 13 days by now. Tear blurs my eyes. My dearest father, may you rest in peace, I love you deeply.
