I’m going back the day after tomorrow. I don’t feel like to do anything but worry about the future. Listening to bfs plans for study and internships make me sad. Maybe the sadness deriving from the fact that I’m not able to participate in his life and go back to St. Andrew. Plus, what I’m worried about cannot share with him and he might also not be capable to relate. How sad.

I planned to break up with him when I just came back from Germany as he cannot cope with negative emotions or stress and tend to take his anger out on me. There are more challenges for him in the future and how can I expect him to shoulder the responsibilities as a husband or even a father. The age starts to have negative influence on me as I am turning 30 in less than 3 years. So soon.

What will happen in the future? Will we break up with each other? What kind of job can I find? … Maybe it’s time to figure the answers out.