The Math of Love 4/4 - 懂你英语 流利说 Level8 Unit1 Part1
Okay, so that was Top Tip #2.
Now, Top Tip #3: How to avoid divorce.
Okay, so let's imagine then that you picked your perfect partner and you're settling into a lifelong relationship with them.
Now, I like to think that everybody would ideally like to avoid divorce, apart from, I don't know, Piers Morgan's wife, maybe?
But it's a sad fact of modern life that 1 in 2 marriages in the States ends in divorce, with the rest of the world not being far behind.
Now, you can/could be forgiven, perhaps for thinking that the arguments that precede a marital breakup are not an ideal candidate for mathematical investigation.
For one thing, it's very hard to know what you should be measuring or what you should be quantifying.
But this didn't stop a psychologist, John Gottman, who did exactly that.
Gottman observed hundreds of couples having a conversation and recorded, well, everything you can think of.
So he recorded what was said in the conversation,
he recorded their skin conductivity,
he recorded their facial expressions, their heart rates, their blood pressure,
basically everything apart from whether or not the wife was actually always right, which incidentally she totally is.
But what Gottman and his team found was that one of the most important predictors for whether or not a couple is going to get divorced was how positive or negative each partner was being in the conversation.
How did Gottman conduct his research? He observed and analyzed patterns in couples’ conversations.
How was John Gottman's research relevant to the theme of the talk? It shows that even something as complex as a marriage can be evaluated with math.
What does Fry's third tip address ? Making your marriage last.
*
To precede something means... to come before it.
To quantify something means… to give it a numerical measurement.
*
Now, you can be forgiven, perhaps for thinking that the arguments that precede a marital breakup are not an ideal candidate for mathematical investigation. For one thing, it's very hard to know what you should be measuring or what you should be quantifying.
*
1 in 2 marriages in the States ends in divorce, with the rest of the world not being far behind.
Now, couples that were very low-risk scored a lot more positive points on Gottman's scale than negative.
Whereas bad relationships, by which I mean, probably going to get divorced, they found themselves getting into a spiral of negativity.
Now just by using these very simple ideas, Gottman and his group were able to predict whether a given couple was going to get divorced with a 90 percent accuracy.
But it wasn't until he teamed up with a mathematician, James Murray, that they really started to understand what causes these negativity spirals and how they occur.
And the results that they found I think are just incredibly impressively simple and interesting.
So these equations, they predict how the wife or husband is going to respond in their next turn of the conversation, how positive or negative they're going to be.
And these equations, they depend on the mood of the person when they're on their own, the mood of the person when they're with their partner,
But most importantly, they depend on how much the husband and wife influence one another.
Now, I think it's important to point out at this stage, that these exact equations have also been shown to be perfectly able at describing what happens between two countries in an arms race.
So that -- an arguing couple spiraling into negativity and teetering on the brink of divorce -- is actually mathematically equivalent to the beginning of a nuclear war.
But the really important term in this equation is the influence that people have on one another, and in particular, something called the negativity threshold.
Now, the negativity threshold, you can think of as how annoying the husband can be before the wife starts to get really pissed off, and vice versa.
Now, I always thought that good marriages were about compromise and understanding and allowing the person to have the space to be themselves.
So I would have thought that perhaps the most successful relationships were ones where there was a really high negativity threshold.
Where couples let things go and only brought things up if they really were a big deal.
But actually, the mathematics and subsequent findings by the team have shown the exact opposite is true.
The best couples, or the most successful couples, are the ones with a really low negativity threshold.
These are the couples that don't let anything go unnoticed and allow each other some room to complain.
These are the couples that are continually trying to repair their own relationship, that have a much more positive outlook on their marriage.
Couples that don't let things go and couples that don't let trivial things end up being a really big deal.
*
How did mathematician James Murray contribute to Gottman's research ? He helped Gottman discover what causes negativity in conversations.
In what way does the finding of the relationship between negativity threshold and successful marriage contradict common knowledge? Couples who focus on problems in their relationship are more successful.
What did equation predict? How a husband or wife will respond in a conversation.
What is the negativity threshold? How much negativity a husband or wife can take before getting angry.
*
If something is trivial, it has little value or importance.
The idiom “to be teetering on the brink of something” means…to be very close to being in an unpleasant or dangerous situation.
*
I think it's important to point out at this stage, that these exact equations have also been shown to be perfectly able at describing what happens between two countries in an arms race.
*
1. Now, I always thought that good marriages were about compromise and understanding and allowing the person to have the space to be themselves.
2. So I would have thought that perhaps the most successful relationships were ones where there was a really high negativity threshold.
3. Where couples let things go and only brought things up if they really were a big deal.
4. But actually, the mathematics and subsequent findings by the team have shown the exact opposite is true.
*
1. You can be forgiven for thinking that the arguments that precede a marital breakup are not an ideal candidate for mathematical investigation.
2. For one thing, it's very hard to know what you should be measuring or quantifying.
3. But this didn't stop a psychologist, John Gottman, who did exactly that.
4. Gottman observed hundreds of couples having a conversation and recorded, well, everything you can think of.
Now of course, it takes a bit more than just a low negativity threshold and not compromising to have a successful relationship.
But I think that it's quite interesting to know that there is really mathematical evidence to say that you should never let the sun go down on your anger.
Ok. So those are my top three tips of how maths can help you with love and relationships.
But I hope that aside from their use as tips, they also give you a little bit of insight into the power of mathematics.
Because for me, equations and symbols aren't just a thing.
They're a voice that speaks out about the incredible richness of nature and the startling simplicity in the patterns that twist and turn and warp and evolve all around us, from how the world works to how we behave.
So I hope that perhaps, for just a couple of you, a little bit of insight into the mathematics of love can persuade you to have a little bit more love for mathematics.
Thank you.
*
What does Fry emphasize about her tip and compromising? Not compromising isn’t the only way to help a relationship.
What does Fry mean when she says never let the sun go down on your anger? Don't let your relationship issues go unaddressed.
What was Fry's reason for providing the three tips? To instill an appreciation for the application of mathematics.
*
1. So those are my top three tips of how maths can help you with love and relationships.
2. But I hope that aside from their use as tips, they also give you a little bit of insight into the power of mathematics.
3. Because for me, equations and symbols aren't just a thing. They're a voice that speaks out about the incredible richness of nature and the startling simplicity in the patterns that twist and turn and warp and evolve all around us, from how the world works to how we behave.
4. So I hope that perhaps, for just a couple of you, a little bit of insight into the mathematics of love can persuade you to have a little bit more love for mathematics.
*
But I hope that aside from their use as tips, they also give you a little bit of insight into the power of mathematics. Because for me, equations and symbols aren't just a thing.
I think it's important to point out at this stage, that these exact equations have also been shown to be perfectly able at describing what happens between two countries in an arms race.
Now, you can be forgiven, perhaps for thinking that the arguments that precede a marital breakup are not an ideal candidate for mathematical investigation. For one thing, it's very hard to know what you should be measuring or what you should be quantifying.
*
Aside from their use as tips, they also give you insight into the power of mathematics.
I always thought that good marriages were about allowing the person to have the space to be themselves.
1 in 2 marriages in the States ends in divorce, with the rest of the world not being far behind.
These are the couples that don't let anything go unnoticed and allow each other some room to complain.
