Thank you for calling our customer support. 

Please listen to the following menu to help us direct your call. 

Please say or press 1 to pay your bill. 

Please say or press 2 to upgrade your service plan. 

Please say or press 3 to report a technical problem. 

Please say or press 4 if you want to hear these choices again.

I don’t want any of these choices.

You may also go to our website for help.

I went to your website but it didn’t help. 

I want to speak to a human being.

Your business is very important to us.

Please say or press 5 or hang up to end this call.

None of these! 

I want a human being. 

I want to cancel my service.

Please wait while we connect you to a service representative.

Finally, this is what they call customer services?

To assist our representative, please say your first and last name.

Tom Smith.

We heard Tom Smith. 

If this is correct, say or press 1. 

If this is not correct, say or press 2.

One.

Thank you. 

For security purposes, what was your father's middle name?

He didn’t have a middle name.

Thank you.

A customer service representative will be with you shortly.

I’m sorry but our offices are closed. 

Please call back during business hours. 

Our business offices are open Monday through Friday, from 8am until 6pm. 

Thank you for calling.

(The customer is frustrated because he wants to speak to a human being, not a machine.)