朋友们晚上好，又到了一周一度讲笑话的时候。
交响乐团里有四大件，弦乐，木管，铜管和打击乐器。
一般来说我们排列组合都是这样：
但当想皮一下的时候你会这样
这样：
当你在排练区放一个吧台就会这样：
本周的特别曲目：Peter And The Wolf ！
(标题是网易云音乐的链接)
peter and the wolf是俄国作曲家prokofiev晚年突发奇想为小朋友做的，以交响乐器作为角色的音乐剧。
let me tell you a story, this is the story of peter and the wolf, it’s a musical story, where the characters are represented by different instruments of the orchestra, for example:
笛子代表鸟儿
The bird, is represented by the flute,
笛子的声音清亮而空灵，他的远房亲戚短笛（piccolo）更是令人闻风丧胆的耳膜杀手。
笛子和短笛都是纯铜制造，虽然他们还是叫做木管乐器。而且特别的是，笛子是少数不需要簧的木管乐器。
双簧管是鸭子
The duck, by the oboe,
Oboe的声音穿透力很强，有一种鲁迅写的剪刀腿女士的凌厉质感。说是鸭子也不错，因为听起来扁扁的。因为很强势的缘故所以担当吹奏交响乐定音“A”的荣誉角色。
双簧管还有个哥们叫做cor anglais又称英国管，声音略微低沉但音色没有很大差别，口子上比双簧管多了一个“包”。
单簧管是猫
The cat, by the clarinet,
双簧管和单簧管的音色区别其实很大。单簧管反而和笛子比较相近，音色有一种“hollow（中空）”的感觉，有点像带着鼻音。
巴松管是祖父
The grandfather by the bassoon.
巴松管的音色十分干瘪和低沉，就像一个老爷爷在说话。它也是双簧的，所以说其实是oboe（双簧管）和cor anglais（英国管）的大哥。
狼由圆号出演
The wolf by the horns
圆号是一个多变的乐器，如果你将它大力吹奏或是muted，音色将会很大程度上改变。一般来说铜管乐器都先天带有气泡音和豪放气质，有点像含着一口水大声说话的感觉，但圆号在muted的时候会变得柔和顺滑。圆号还有个外号是口水收集器，我音乐老师当年学习圆号可是要拿个脸盆在下面接水的。。。但其实倒出来的水大多是圆号里聚集的水蒸气
圆号叫做“french horn（法国号）“但其实流着更多的德国血统。因为德国号可以在不同调上演奏，在欧式交响乐团里的圆号在20世纪已经大量替换成了比法国号角要先进的多的德国号，也就是现代圆号。
故事的主人公彼得是由整个弦乐部分代表的
And the hero of our story, Peter, is represented by the string,
弦乐一般包含了第一小提琴，第二小提琴，大提琴，低音大提琴，有时还有一个富含了喜剧色彩天天被大家找乐子的酱油～中提琴。第一小提琴一般演奏旋律，而其中的乐队首席更是统领弦乐部直至交响乐团一同与指挥家沟通的重要角色。第二小提琴为旋律合声。
大多数人分不清小提琴和中提琴。其实他们的音程隔着整整五度，且中提琴的体型略大，音色更加温暖醇厚。其实我个人是很喜欢的，同情被无故围攻的violist们哈哈。
猎人们由木管们代言
The hunters by the woodwinds.
木管乐器大多上面都讲到了，但要注意还有一个奇葩——萨克斯！这货居然是木管乐器，你能相信吗？
定音鼓演奏猎人的来福枪
The hunters' rifle by the timpani.
定音鼓作为鼓类中的奇葩，是有音高的。乐手可以通过踩踏板的方式来调整鼓面的松紧从而改变鼓面震动的频率。当然，我最喜欢的还是它的这种演奏方式。
最后附上Peter And The Wolf的完整字幕。简单来说，故事线就是彼得早上推开门看到了小鸟和鸭子在互相嘲笑对方不会飞／不会游泳。过来了一只猫想吃掉小鸟，但在猫爬到树上的过程中彼得提醒了小鸟让它逃走了。彼得的爷爷出来说这里很危险，有狼怎么办，彼得不听但还是被爷爷拽了进去。这是狼真的来了，把猫吓到了树上还把鸭子吃了。彼得和小鸟联手把狼制服了，在猎人的帮助下关进了动物园。被活活吞下去的鸭子还在狼的肚子里叫呢！
祝大家听得开心。
Early one morning, Peter opened the gate and walked out into the big green meadow. On a branch of a big tree sat a little bird, Peter’s friend. “All is quiet”, chirped the bird happily.
Just then a duck came waddling round. She was glad that Peter had not closed the gate and decided to take a nice swim in the deep pond in the meadow.
Seeing the duck, the little bird flew down upon on the grass, settled next to her and shrugged his shoulders: “What kind of bird are you if you can’t fly?” said he. To this the duck replied: “What kind of bird are you if you can’t swim?” and dived into the pond.
They argued and argued, the duck swimming in the pond and the little bird hopping along the shore. Suddenly, something caught Peter’s attention. He noticed a cat crawling through the grass. The cat thought: “That little bird is busy arguing, I’ll just grab him. Stealthily, the cat crept towards him on her velvet paws.
“Look out!” shouted Peter and the bird immediately flew up into the tree, while the duck quacked angrily at the cat, from the middle of the pond. The cat walked around the tree and thought, “Is it worth climbing up so high? By the time I get there the bird will have flown away.”
Just then grandfather came out. He was upset because Peter had gone in the meadow. “It’s a dangerous place. If a wolf should come out of the forest, then what would you do?” But Peter paid no attention to his grandfather’s words. Boys like him are not afraid of wolves.
But grandfather took Peter by the hand, led him home and locked the gate. No sooner had Peter gone, than a big grey wolf came out of the forest.
In a twinkling the cat climbed up the tree. The duck quacked, and in her excitement jumped out of the pond. But no matter how hard the duck tried to run, she couldn’t escape the wolf. He was getting nearer, nearer, catching up with her. Then he got her, and with one gulp, swallowed her.
And now, this is how things stood: the cat was sitting on one branch, the bird on another ... not too close to the cat. And the wolf walked around and around the tree, looking at them with greedy eyes.
In the meantime, Peter, without the slightest fear, stood behind the closed gate watching all that was going on. He ran home, got a strong rope, and climbed up the high stone wall.
One of the branches of the tree, around which the wolf was walking, stretched out over the wall.
Grabbing hold of the branch, Peter lightly climbed over on to the tree. Peter said to the bird: “Fly down and circle over the wolf’s head. Only take care that he doesn’t catch you.”
The bird almost touched the wolf’s head with his wings while the wolf snapped angrily at him, from this side and that.
How the bird worried the wolf! How he wanted to catch him! But the bird was clever, and the wolf simply couldn’t do anything about it.
Meanwhile, Peter made a lasso and, carefully letting it down, caught the wolf by the tail and pulled with all his might.
Feeling himself caught, the wolf began to jump wildly trying to get loose.
But Peter tied the other end of rope to the tree, and the wolf’s jumping only made the rope around his tail tighter.
Just then, the hunters came out of the woods, following the wolf’s trail and shooting as they went.
But Peter, sitting in the tree, said: “Don’t shoot! Birdie and I have already caught the wolf. Now help us take him to the zoo.”
And now, imagine the triumphant procession: Peter at the head; after him the hunters leading the wolf; and winding up the procession, grandfather and the cat.
Grandfather shook his head discontentedly: “Well, and if Peter hadn’t caught the wolf? What then?”
Above them flew Birdie chirping merrily. “My, what brave fellows we are, Peter and I! Look what we have caught!”
And if you listen very carefully, you can still hear the duck quacking inside the wolf’s belly, because in all his excitement, he had swallowed her alive!
