“我不想你走......”
“我们浪费了多少时间啊,你为什么不给我些暗示?”
“我给了!我给了!”
“还记得那天我们打排球吗?我在你背上轻抚,就是在告诉你,我喜欢你。”
深情款款的月下私语饱尝着情欲难分,两个赤裸着上半身的男人相拥相抚,言语的间隙都不要放过,难以抑制亲吻长颈的冲动,你我皆知,分别前的最后一夜,是多么不可辜负。今夜,我不想入睡,惟愿将你的躯体印在我的眼眸,把你的名字刻在我的心中。
在那个杏树成熟的夏天,在意大利北部的一座小城,一位博古通今的留学生,一个忧郁敏感的少年,初遇,试探、冲突、和解、相恋、离别,情愫渐生,至浓而骤息,如六月精阳,七月流火,八月未央,时不我待,我不禁要对导演发出与主人公一样的感慨,你浪费了多少时间啊!整整一个多小时的铺垫,区区二十多分钟的缠绵,我们能不能像《断背山》一样用半个小时就把主角们扔到床上,任他们撕去彼此的衣衫,然后酣畅淋漓地炫一把技巧?不能,当然不能!我们要的是令人心碎的唯美,而美的极致是自然,所以需要缓缓地铺垫,静水深流,得遇地势转折,而后为一泻千尺的长川,隽永的流淌是为喷薄的澎湃,就此而止,既得自然又得美艳。所以,不必吝惜胶片去铺陈,爱情最美的莫过于初见,也不必向后推演,二十分钟恰到好处,爱情本来短暂。这就是《请以你的名字呼唤我》之所以被誉为2017年第一gay片的原因,简单的人设,单纯的人物关系,在休闲的时间里,在唯美的风景中,积蓄爱情的力量,没有一丝丝凄凉与苦楚,也不落入世俗的桎梏,影片包含的全部要素都是为了美好的发生。
很难去设想,如果为这段基情续上十分钟的胶片,后果该是如何,我想更多的不确定因素会改变了整部影片的观感,其中必然有家庭的冲突、责任的背负、命运的抗争,甚至会上升到伦理道德的层面,虽不至于成为另一部《月光男孩》,亦足以浪费掉之前所有的美好。
一部讲述同性之爱的影片,却让人几乎不觉性别的隔阂和生理上的反感,可以说是神奇,似乎是一场梦境,身临其间便无需言语,不可说的不可思议,不用细思的情理之中。你前我后的骑行郊游,向着城市边缘进发,有你在我身边,日落也不必回头,泉水清冽,夏日炎炎,你我共为池中之物,何如?欲盖弥彰的枕边缠绵,轻薄的衬衣掩盖不住荷尔蒙的味道,“我”在日记中埋怨着自己的胆小与怯懦,“你”却悄然间把纸条放在“我”的案头,“我们”的故事便就此拉开了序幕。最令我印象深刻是艾里奥斜倚床上,用汁水满溢的蜜桃为欲望解渴,这创意妙不可言,却未曾感同身受,暗自感慨这种操作竟没有被童年的我知晓。
剧终父亲与艾里奥的对话是给与每个心碎的观众最稳的安慰。当艾里奥送别奥利弗,丢失魂魄般拖着沉重的驱壳回到家中,父亲正坐在沙发上翻看着文献,看到消沉的艾里奥,点上一支烟:
Father: Welcome home.
Elio: Thanks.
Father: Oliver enjoyed this trip?
Elio: Yes, I think he did.
Father: You tow have nice friendship,
Elio: Yeah.
Father: You are too clever to know how rare, how special but you two had passed.
Elio: Oliver is Oliver.
Father:“Because it is him, because it is me.”
Elio: Oliver may be very intelligent, but...
Father: No no no, he is more than intelligent. But what you two had has everything and nothing to do with intelligence. He was good, you are both lucky to find each other, cause you two are good.
Elio: I think he is better than me.
Father: I am sure he would think so about you. You flatter you both. On you are least protective, nature has cunning ways to find our weakest part, just remember I am here, I know you may not wanna feel anything, maybe you never wanna feel anything, and maybe it is not to me you wanna speak about these things but feel something you obviously did. Look, you have a beautiful friendship, maybe more than friendship, and I envy you. My place ,most parents hope this thing goes away, pray their sons lend their fee, but I am not that parents. We deprive so much of ourselves to be cured faster, so that we could be bankrupt by the age of 30, and less offer each time we start with someone new, but to make ourselves feel nothing so it is not to feel anything, and waste. And I wanna say one more thing, I may have come close, but I never have what you two have, something always held me back, standing on the way, how you live your life is your business, just remember, our hearts and bodies are given to us only once, and before you know it, your hearts run out, and as for your body, there is one day no one looks at it, at last no one come near it. Right now, there is sorrow, pain, do not kill it, I wish you enjoy what you feel.
“在你猝不及防之时,上天狡诈地找到了我们最脆弱的地方。现在你可能不想去感受什么,或许你从来不希望去感受什么,或许你不愿向我倾吐这些事情,但是,请感受你所感受的。你有过一段很美好的友谊,也许超越了友谊,我很羡慕你。在我看来,多数父母会希望这一切烟消云散,祈祷他们的孩子就此放手,但是,我不是这样的父母。为了快速愈合,我们从自己身上剥夺了太多东西,以致在三十岁之前,自己的感情就已破产,每开始一段新的感情,我们能给予的便越少,但是为了让自己不要有感觉而不去感觉,多么浪费。”
“我再说一件事情,我也许曾经接近,但我从来没有拥有过你们所拥有的,总有些什么在阻挠着我,或是挡在我面前。如何过你的一生是你自己的事情,上天赋予我们灵魂和身体只有一次,而在你领悟之前,你的心已经疲惫不堪,至于你的身体,总有一天,没人愿意再看它一眼,更没人愿意接近。现在,你充满了悲伤,痛苦,别让这些痛苦消失,也别丧失你感受到的快乐。”
这段对白我反反复复看了十几遍,简单的话语里蕴藏着一股强大的力量,我的理解是保持内心的弹性。而保持内心的弹性,我们必须直面生命中的每一种感觉,无论是喜悦,还是痛苦,都不去抵触,甚至退缩而放弃。每一种感觉都在挤压或拉伸着我们的内心,试图塑造内心的形态,起起伏伏,这个过程令人折磨,拒绝感受或可成为一种解脱,而习惯性的拒绝感受则意味着失敏,心壁变得坚硬而不可称之为坚强,这恰恰是一种逃避。艾里奥的父亲如是讲出的这番话语,使影片的旨意跳脱且超越了性别与爱情,而是在谈论一种感知内心的能力,这种能力需要的是直面人生百态、喜怒哀惧的勇气。
生活,总是时而是令人喜悦,时而教人流泪,喜悦时,我面带笑容,哭泣时,我亦沾着眼泪,写下“爱你”。