From When I Say No, I Feel Guilty:
Although it may seem paradoxical at first glance, those of us who cannot cope assertively with criticism also seem incapable of coping with compliments. If we are hard-pressed to cope with criticism, it certainly seems as if we would take all the compliments we get as a relief from the negative marks chalked up against us. Unfortunately, for most of us, this isn't the case. When we are praised or complimented, we stammer, mumble something, look and act sheepish, feel like twisting our hat in our hands, and change the subject as quickly as possible. This coping inadequacy is not due to modesty. It has root in our childish belief that other people are the real judges of our actions. If, on the other hand, we are independently assertive in our thoughts, feelings, and behavior, we reserve the final judgement of actions, even the positive ones, to ourselves. Such an assertive attitude does not make you loath to accept compliments and praise, but only to be the ultimate judge of the accuracy of such praise.
书里这个想法与我自己之前的一些思考相符。我们应该把判断权交给自己。如果对别人的表扬无论准确与否都照单全收，那么同样地，别人的批评无论准确与否我们也必须在心里照单全收。讨巧的双重标准是不存在，只会让自己变得越来越没有判断力，被别人的心情和判断牵着鼻子走。
