Disagree.Disagree with the fishbone theory and the freedom theory and the duty theory about forgiveness. Respectively, the fishbone of unforgiveness will keep on stinging;the freedom will befall when hatred is down; the duty of forgiving those stabbing and scarring you will keep on disturbing your conscience.
These statements claim unforgiveness as bad, detrimental or even immoral, which is untrue. Incapacity to forgive, pain and hatred are triggered and sustained by the protective system in body, not by consciousness, let alone the “ethnic faculty”.In this system, pain serves as signal warning you to ward off the secondary damage—that which has been is what will be. The reason why the fishbone theory is criticized is that pain barely means to hurt you (many congenital diseases beyond the scope), it reveals you. A kindhearted person who keeps tumbling in his romantic relationships, feels stricken by the anguish—cautioning that maybe he needs to change something to protect himself. If the defense grows to enough size, or the pain-maker is so far away, or the time weakens the connection, whenever the body rules everything as safe and harmless, it is time for forgiveness to show up.
Therefore,forgiveness is not a process; it is an ending point of one—the hating process. The signal won’t last forever—at least until you are dying when there is no uncertain death to guard against. There will eventually come a day when you forgive all hurters and when the beacon fire fades out and when nobody can hurt you because you already have nothing to lose, and all you need to do before is feel yourself and listen to your body.
Even though that the course of forgiving is natural has been verified, the"natural" cannot be emphasized enough. In society, (which is always against natural things), forgiveness gradually evolves into a sort of criterion or even demand of morality. A girl, unforgiving her abandoning-daughter parents should be sentenced to feel unhappy and guilty forever. Ridiculous enough, if one day, she says the forgiving words, she will be "She finally does the right thing" and be "Get the real felicity and fulfillment" and be forgiven. This forgiveness is of little avail, because it is for giving others--the environment without malice, the seemingly harmony, the satisfaction of persuading people to forgive--not for giving yourself real and natural calm.So, be true to yourself, be blind to those paragons of virtue. Speaking of paragons of forgiving, one figure occurs to me—Hasson, a Hazara in The Kite Runner, wrote by Khaled Hosseini. A figure can let go of all his friend—or master—does to him, even being framed for stealing and driven away. A forgiving specialist. He can smile off all malignancy not because he is a good smiler (no offense for his harelip childhood before surgery), but he is hatred-proof to his master—his loyalty weighs more than his humanity: just as human can love,human can hate, too. Forgive too soon, give too soon and lose too soon.
At last, just for myself, I yearn for a world where there is no hurt and forgiveness, and no pain and unforgiveness. If it is too far to reach, how about a world without wars?
