这是一个失败者的悲歌，甚至不想用汉语去描述那种窘迫。
I don't want to use my mother tongue to describe my painful .These day ,even at midnight , I roll around on my bed struggle to make myself happy, but sorrow like the river bites my heart .
I look like some animals be pressed in the bottom of the water, can't breathe. I want to admit that I am a screen writer, but the fact is so cruel，I think I am be forced in the corner of the wall, maybe someone is a loser in the world.
At least, I try my best to study how to write a script , maybe for anybody it depends on spirit ,but for me ,when i face to my computer ,my keyboard , drama becomes to a white rode show on my eyes, i don't know how to think about the next plot ,roles in my script are blurred face,somebody they can structure a plot so easy ,but for me is too difficult .
Yesterday ,I heard that some mature screen writers only use half year to be professional.but I spend more than 1 year ,but i don't have a good script to show for my boss. I feel really really frustrated ,maybe I don't have talent , I am desperate.
Nowaway ,I refused a chance to be an assistant for a mature screenwriter ,because I suffered too much strike, when I came to a script studio ,a boy can follow the rhythm of the discuss meeting, but for me ,it's really hard. when he get the first income of script ,I even didn't know how to distinguish the different point of plot .
I followed the first project during 6 month,but at the last time I can't catch the progress , even very dangerous to be drive away from the studio,they went to Symbian island for vocation ,but I am be give up to the team , it's so sad .
I do something to survive myself ,I found a screen writer ,maybe so lucky to be her assistant ,but maybe nervous , I can't understand the script, that woman reminded me have a big trouble of basic logic and suggested my to study Chinese for primary school , this news seem like a enormous thunder attacked my soul ,even let me suspect my education experience is really effective.
but it's not the first experience , in 2016 , I was hired in a famous Internet transportation company . but my ability for advertisement was be query,i try my best to do that work ,but i was be fired ,that woman boss had a very bad evaluate for me ,that day was so dark , I even don't believe myself , finally I got a job for a good company a that in top five hundred of the world，i got the offer, but i quit the offer,but the new circle of the exploration is close to lose....
