其实我也不知道是多少天了，姑且从第100天开始吧。
前天F对我说，“你怎么不说爱语呢？”我顿了一下，我顶多的爱语不过是，给你点赞，你好棒之类的，而F的语言是，“好久不见，我好想你哦”，“我真的真的好想你”之类，刚开始听着会觉得悦耳的、但有些鸡皮疙瘩的，慢慢地知道这个小男生真的是发自内心的声音和表达，就觉得很欣喜，也会很喜欢他，可是这种表达就是难以开口。
刚才看前不久圆寂的一行禅师的文字，说如何克服愤怒，我们需要讲别人爱听的话，从别人的需求出发，而不是自己的需要出发，“我发誓修习爱语和倾听，给他人带来幸福和快乐，从而减轻他们的苦恼”，之前看完听完诵读的时候，是没有什么感觉的，然而当天晚上当F提起这个的时候，我似乎仍只回复了“你好棒”之类的苍白无力的“夸赞”。
初四去宁国禅寺，寺庙求了一串金刚菩提，一眼看中了珠子里的算盘，想送给本命年的33，素斋席间发给他照片。
回复：这太复杂了。
…
看到实物后回复：这算盘看着有点粗糙。
昨晚走在路上，我们聊起这件事情，我重复着他回复我的那些话，愤怒的，鼻子酸酸的，嘴上回复说：你嘴真jian！
When someone says or does something that make us angry，we suffer.We tend to say or do something back to make the other suffer, with the hope that we will suffer less. We think “I want to punish you, I want to make you suffer a lot, I will better.
一行禅师在书里这样说，大部分人都相信这样幼稚的做法。结果是双方的痛苦都增加了。我们每个人都需要被包容和被帮助，而不是需要被惩罚。当你生气的时候，不要说或者做任何事情，在这个状态下说出来的话、做出来的事情都会更加破坏你们之间的关系。
禅师举了一个例子：屋子着火了，你首先要做的是灭火，而不是去追那个纵火犯，否则你的屋子可能就无法挽回损失了。我们的愤怒也是一样。
爱语如何修行，
You need only to breathe peacefully, calmly, and smile mindfully;
The method of mindful breathing, the method of mindful walking, the method of embracing our anger, the method of looking deeply into the nature of our perceptions, and the method of looking deeply into the other people to realize that she also suffers a lot and needs help.
当你用这些方法，修习正念的时候，观照他人的心就会升起，爱就会流动在我们心间，我们的爱语就会从言语、眼神、倾听、善心、行为等表达出来，不做作、不僵化，给人三春阳暖草芳茵的感受。
记得心理学里有一本书《爱的五种语言》，似乎更实操，从西方流传过来的心理学确实教会我们如何运用，但知其然而不知其所以然，如上是教我们如何从内心升起修行爱语的行为，而不是按部就班的去执行它。
臣服日记之修习爱语，每天可以进步多一点。
"Darling, I Know You Are There,andIAm VeryHappy"
With mindfulness,you can recognize what is there in the present moment,including the person you love.When you can tell your beloved"Darling,I know you are there,andlam very happy," it proves that you are a free person.it proves that you have mindfulness,you have the capacity to cherish,to appreciate what is happening in the present moment.What is happening in the present moment is life. You are still alive and the person you love is still there,alive,in front of you.
The amount of mindfulness you cultivate in yourself is very important.Youembrace the other person with this energy of mindfulness.You look at her or him lovingly and you say,"Darling,it is wonderful that you are here.alive.lt makes me very happy" Not onlyare you happybut the other person is happy,too.because she or he has been embraced by your mindfulness.When you can be with the other person in this way, the chances of getting angry are already much smaller.
Anyone can practice this:andyou do not have to practice eight months in order to do it. You need only one or two minutes of mindful breathing or mindful walking,in order to reestablish yourself in the here and the now,to be alive again.Then you go to the other person,you look into his eyes,you smile.andyou make this declaration,"Darling,it is so wonderful that you are here,alive.lt makes me very happy?'
Mindfulness makes you and the other person happy and free.The other person may be caught in her worries,anger,and forgetfulness.but with mindfulness you can save her and yourself, Mindfulness is the energy ofthe Buddha,the energyof enlightenment.The Buddha is present whenever you are mindful, embracing both of you in his loving arms.
——一行禅师 《你可以不生气》
