All this anger, man, it just begets greater anger.

Be calm..

Be calm make your think…

Think make you deal with the problem..

Jason, Willoughby here. I’m dead now, sorry about that. There’s something I wanted to say to you that I never really said when I was alive. I think you’ve got the makings of being a really good cop, Jason, and you know why? Because, deep down, you’re a decent man. I know you don’t think I think that, but I do, dips hit. I do think you’re too angry though, and I know it’s all since your dad died and you had to go look after your mom and all, but as long as you hold on to so much hate, then I don’ t think you’re ever going to become, what I know you want to become - a detective. ‘Cause you know what you need to become a detective? And I know you’re  gonna wince when I say this, but what you need to become a detective is love.

Because through love comes calm, and through calm comes thought. And you need thought to detect stuff sometimes, Jason. It’s kinda all you need. You don’t even need a gun. And you definitely don’t need hate. Hate never solved nothing, but calm did. And thought did. Try it. Try it just for a change. No one’ll think you’re gay. And if they do, arrest them for homophobia! Won’t they be surprised! Good luck to you, Jason. You’re a decent man,  and yeah you’ve had a run of bad luck, but things are gonna change for you. I can feel it .

There’s longer letter in the dresser drawer I’ve been writing for the last week or so, that one covers us, and my memories of us, and how much I’ve always loved you. This one just covers tonight, and more importantly, today. Tonight I have gone out to the horses to end it. I cannot say sorry for the act itself, although I know for a short time you will be angry at me , or even hate me for it . Please don’t. This is not a case of, I came in this world alone and I’m going out of it alone, or anything dumb like that. I did not come in this world alone, my mom was there. And I am not going out of it alone , because you were there, drunk on the couch, making Oscar Wilder cock jokes. No, this is a case, in some senses, of bravery. Not the bravery of facing a bullet down. The next few months of pain would be far harder than that small flash. No , it’s the bravery of weighing up the next few months of still being with you, still waking up with you, still waking up with you, of playing with the kids.. against the next few months of seeing in your eyes how much my  pain is killing you. How my weakened body, as it ebbs away, and you tend to it,  are your final and lasting memories of  me. I won’t have that. Your final memories of me will be us at the riverside, and that dumb fishing game, which I think the cheated at. And me inside of you, and you on top of me…

And barely a fleeting thought, of the darkness yet to come. That was the Anne. A whole day of not thinking about it. Dwell on this day baby, because it was the best day of my life. Kiss the girls for me, and know that I’ve always loved you… and maybe I’ll see you again if there’s another place, and if there aren’t … well, it’s been heaven knowing you.