Hello everyone! Today I would like to share something about listening. As is known, Listening is the foundation in the communication. While what do you think the listening is? And what are you listening from the counterpart in the conversation?
While in your life, do you have the experience like this? When you are talking with someone or a group, the counterpart seems they are listening to you while sometimes their mind is deserted… maybe reading webchat shortly or speaking with others quickly; or Your husband or wife or kid complains that “can you let me finish my words?”; or when you are telling something with someone, you are interrupted that “I know the problem….you should….” What do you feel at these situations? Disrespected? Discouraged? Then what do you want the counterpart like when listening to you? With continuous attention? With curiosity? With eye-contact?
That’s right; it is the first level of listening: Use Curiosity to hear.
It means that we hear the objective statements, contradictions, assumptions, and beliefs from the words of the counterpart, without our own judgement.
So, if I am listening to you with full of curiosity, attention, and without any judgement, what do you feel at this moment? Oh, you are listening to me; you heard my words. Correct?
Then what others can we hear from the counterpart in a conversation? For example, when I am saying “I do exercise everyday”. What did you hear in my expression? The first time, I am calm and expressing a fact; the 2nd time, I am happy and proud; and 3rd time, I am worried. So besides, the statements, we can hear the emotions in the conversation. And What does the emotion mean in the conversation? Attitude? his Value? Desire?
That’s right; it is the second level of listening: Use your compassion to open your heart to feel.
It means that we hear the value, desire and what they expect to get.
So, if I get your emotion and value when talking with you, what do you feel at this moment? Yes, you get it. That’s it. Correct?
Then what others can we hear from the counterpart in a conversation? The words beyond the words expressed by the counterpart. Eg. I am very low today after the work, due to the project my boss assigned to me. Then with your listening and support, I expressed the difficulties in the project. what did you hear in my description? Difficulties, emotions? What else? How about the triggers for my emotions? What lead to these difficulties?
It is the third level of listening: Use your courage to open upyour core to sense.
What are they afraid of? What are they having trouble letting go of? At this level, some necessary questions may be proposed. While if my listening is with curiosity, attention, without judgment, and I get your feeling and also help you to create your awareness, how do you feel at this moment? Supported? Safe environment? Open your heart? Then, the challenges and triggers may be sensed spontaneously by the counterpart. And how do you feel right now? You know me. Correct?
That the 3 levels of listening: Use curiosity to hear, use your compassion to open your heart to feel and Use your courage to open up at your core to sense.
Try the 3 levels of listening in the life, you will find more connections with others.
That’s my sharing on the listening; thanks for your attention and support, and always active listening
