前言
能体现中西文化差异的方面很多。教育、工作、信仰、习俗、饮食……很难笼统地一言以蔽之。
前几日，乍闻一位同级中文系同学因忽罹重症，溘然长逝，心中怅然。想到李白《春夜宴》中的牛衣醉月，秉烛夜游。想到岁月无常有痕。
来美数十载，走过许多陌生的路，淌过许多陌生的河，与许多朋友从陌生到知交，经历过许多异乡生活的曲折平缓……这些都发生在我人生最灿烂的年华，说完全不变是不可能的。很多时候这些变化都是在潜移默化中，不知不觉地就发生了。
经常有国内的朋友会问：中西方差异到底是什么？总觉得这个问题不是不能回答，而在于差异说明了什么。
那天在旧金山转机，看着机场内大大小小的飞机，看着它们既有着相同的部分，比如动力的，滑翔的，控制的部分等等；但具体的零件又完全不同，你不能把一个空客的零件装到波音的飞机上。但不同飞机上的零件不需一样，只要每个零件在它的位置上，跟它的周围结合成一个完整的整体，起到它的作用，那么零件各异的飞机就能翱翔天空。忽而觉得这就是回答。
地球村里有不同的社会、不同的文化、不同的人群。社会的进步的一个条件，在于有融合在环境中的个人。
最近这位校友的离去，让我想起多年前的，亦是一位老友的过世。或许从他的葬礼上，可以了解到一些我所知道的美国人与华人之间的文化差异——在华人的追悼会上，你只会听到哭声，笑声的出现显然是要遭白眼的。但在美国人的追思会上，有哭声，也有笑声。也许这可以用弘一法师临终前的绝笔来概括——悲欣交集。
好友杰瑞，他不是伟人，却有着小说般的戏剧人生。他家共有十五个兄弟姐妹，他排行第十三，下面还有两个妹妹。他年纪比我们大了大约一辈吧，生于离这不远的一个小地方。在这座城的通用电器分部工作了三十多年，从部门经理的职位上退休。他一生结婚四次，第四任妻子是个华人，也是这个原因我们相识。
杰瑞为人和气，朋友很多，却常说我是他最好的朋友。他不单是这样说，也是这样做的。在他白血病去世前，留下遗言，让我在他的追思会上致辞——
那天，到场的亲朋好友很多，他们听我致追思辞时，有时泣有时笑，笑多泣少。令我深感安慰的是，杰瑞的亲友对我说，他们都非常喜欢这篇追思辞。他的一个姐姐说："It was perfect. Nothing could have been done to make it better. The family was very happy about it."。他的一个哥哥说："It was super duper great. It was classic."。
只是我至今也没想明白，为何他要把这么特殊的任务交给我，一个只跟他认识了八年的中国人。须知参加他的追思会的有他两任夫人，十多个兄弟姐妹、姐夫、嫂嫂、妹夫、三个亲生孩子、一个继子、无数的同事、朋友、邻居、子侄辈的亲戚等等。
下面就是我所致追思辞的原文以及译文：
Jerry's Eulogy 怀念杰瑞
To Xiaodan, to Jason, Angela and Leandra, to Zhijian, to Mabel and his other siblings, to his other family members and friends.
小丹、杰森、安琪儿、莉安德拉、子建，梅宝，以及杰瑞的兄弟姐妹和至爱亲朋们：
Today, we gather here to remember and celebrate the life of Jerry. As a friend of Jerry for 8 years, I would like to talk about what I know about Jerry.
今天，我们聚到一起是为了缅怀我们的好朋友杰瑞，并恭贺他得以荣升天国。
我和杰瑞认识时间并不算长。的确，八年时间对于人的一生来说，实在短得可怜。但这些年我们相处得非常愉快。我很想跟你们说说我所认识的杰瑞。
Jerry was a very loving, caring and creative person. Everyone loved him. For all the dinners we had together, at his house, my house or other friends’ houses, he was always the center of the parties.
杰瑞是个充满爱心，体贴，且富有创造性的哥们。可以这么说，和他生活在一起的人，都十分爱他。我们经常在他家、我家、或是其他朋友们的家中聚会，而杰瑞必定是聚会上所有人的焦点。
He was a real gentleman. He was always polite to all the people. He loved babies and young kids. He was the first person whom my young son could stay with besides my wife and me.
他是名副其实的绅士，对每一个人都彬彬有礼。他非常爱孩子们，哪怕是对小婴儿也极具耐心。而且他还是除我和妻子外，第一个单独照看小儿的人。
He was a genius in building and fixing just about anything. For example, several years ago, he built a derby car track from the scratch. I watched him add more and more features and decorations to it until it became a complete, beautiful track, with electronic sensor and timer. And then several families and kids gathered together and had an exciting derby car race and party.
在制造和维修方面，他有着超常的天赋。几年前，他从无到有建了一条derby car赛车道。我看着他慢慢地装上每一个部件，他还将赛道装饰得十分精致。不得不承认他真是个很有审美情怀的人。
那也是我见过的带电子传感器和计时器的完美赛道。有这么个大玩具，甭提孩子们玩得有多快乐了。
He also fixed many things and made all kinds of gifts for his friends. Several years ago, the Christmas gift he gave me was a beautiful cooker he made. We are still using it.
我们都是他天赋的受益者。几年前，他给我们送了一个自制的大家伙当作圣诞礼物，大家能猜到是什么吗？——一台非常漂亮的烧烤炉。
至今，我们都还用着。
He was hard working and had very strong spirit to do difficult jobs. He built a long rock wall for his house which was an incredibly tough job. I went with him to the quarry a couple of times. You need to pick the stones, come back and mix the cement, and put the rocks up piece by piece. Man, I would never buy a house that needs me to build a rock wall.
他不惧脏也不怕累，越是苦活他越来劲儿。他在他房子的靠小坡的一侧修了一道石围墙。那对于我而说根本就是不可能完成的任务，他却做到了，而且做得非常漂亮。
他在砌墙时，有几次我去帮忙。我们先去石场挑选和购买石块，运回，然后混着水泥，再将这些石块一块块垒起来……
这太不人道了！说好的买新房子的欣喜呢？看着他的热乎劲，我只好默默地说我见到了愚公。
He could embroider and that surprised me a lot. He made a beautiful one - I think he made it for his mom - with a short quote: “You only live once; but if you live it right, once is enough.” I like it a lot.
你们能想像得到吗？杰瑞还会绣花。他总是一次又一次令我惊讶。
我见过他绣的一幅非常漂亮的刺绣，他说是绣给他母亲的。那刺绣上有一段极短的引言：人生只有一次，但若无憾，一次足矣。
这句话，让我感触很深。
He could cook many delicious foods. His ribs, chicken wings, and cakes were all very welcome. Last year when his and my families were in China, he made and cooked us a pizza. When we went to his house to have dinners in the past, he always remembered my son Howard was allergic to wheat and would cook some gluten free food.
他会做很多很好吃的东西，烤猪排、鸡翅、蛋糕等等，而且大受欢迎。去年夏天，当他的和我的家人都在中国时，我到他家去，他自造了一个大皮萨。平常我们到他家里吃饭，他会记得我儿对小麦过敏，单独为他准备了无麦的食物。
真难为他对每一个人都那么细心。
He was a very skillful driver, and probably also a crazy driver. When Jerry drove his truck, full of rock within two inches of the rock wall, on the awfully uneven yard, it scared me.
还有你们可能不知道的！
他车技如神，或者神经！看着杰瑞开着他的装满了大小岩石的皮卡，在离石墙只有两英寸的在坑坑洼洼的院子里来回穿梭，真令人咂舌不已。
Once when he was driving, he had a can of beer between his two legs. He told me, “Well, if a policeman stops us, you need to hold this beer.” I said “OK” and wondered if we were really stopped and if the policeman smelled him drinking and I was holding the beer, would the policeman charge me with “feeding the driver alcohol”?
还有一次更疯狂，却也十分有趣的经历，我得好好跟大家说道说道。
有一次，他开车的时候，大腿间还夹着一听啤酒。他对我说，哥们，如果我们被警察拦下来的话，这啤酒得你拿着才行。我答应“好吧”的同时，心里在打鼓：如果真的被拦下，警察闻到他的酒气，而啤酒又是在我的手里时，警察难道会指控我，说我胆大妄为，给司机喂酒？
He was also a lucky driver. Once he drove on one side of the road near his house, but went over to the other side of the road and the truck rolled down to the bottom of the creek. It was a miracle that he and Zhijian did not get hurt. The truck had a lot of damage, but once again he showed his gift for fixing stuff. He turned the garage into a body shop and repaired the whole truck. He even added a sunroof to the top of the truck. Probably to cover a big hole there. The sunroof was pretty cool on sunny days, but it leaked when it rained. Once I rode under it and got half my pants wet. I don’t know if he fixed the leak later.
唉~说来他还真是个命大的家伙。
有一次他在家附近的路上开车，但不知怎么的就滑到了路的另外一侧，并且连人带车整个咕噜咕噜地翻到了谷底！非常奇迹的是车子已大面积损毁，他与坐在车里的子建（他的继子)却没有受伤！
这回，他又再次显摆了他修理破烂的天赋。他把他家的车库改装成车身板金工场，硬是又让他捣鼓出一部完整的车来。而且他还在车顶上加了个天窗，用以掩盖车顶上破了的大洞。不得不说那天窗酷毙了。大晴天的时候，那天窗拉风極了。只是下雨天就不怎么好使，因为它会漏雨。
有一次我开那车的时候，不巧就碰上了下雨，结果我半条裤子都湿了。也不知道后来杰瑞有没有把这个洞补起来。
He did things fast- faster than you can imagine. Once he found some water on the bathroom floor under the sink, he thought the water was coming from the pipes behind the wall. Before you knew it, he already took out his tools and cut a 1 by 1 foot square out of the dry wall. He then inspected the pipes behind the wall. I was next to him. I asked, “do you see anything wrong?” He said, “no”. I asked “is the pipe leaking?” He said “no”. I said “OK”. He said, well, some kid had probably spilled water on the floor while washing his hands. He then spent the rest of day fixing the dry wall.
杰瑞做事的速度，远比你想象得要快得多。
有一回，他在浴室地板上发现了一些水，便认为水是从墙后的水管里流出来的。
大家都还没反应过来，他已将工具拿出，在水迹边的墙上凿开了一个1英尺见方的洞，然后检查墙后的管道。
我当时就在他边上。
我问他，看到什么问题了吗？
他说没有。
我又问，是管子漏了吗？
他也说没有。
然后他起身来说，有可能是孩子们洗手的时候把水洒在地板上了。
我一阵头晕，伸手扶墙。
接下来他就花了小半天，重新修好那面被他撬坏了的墙。
There were so many times I, as well as other friends, asked Jerry for his opinions and ideas. Once my company had a costume party and we had to dress up as cowboys. I asked him and he lent me a hat, a shirt and a jacket. Surprisingly at the end of the party, I was picked as the one who looked most like a cowboy and won a prize. I still don’t believe he could turn an oriental guy into a western cowboy.
有很多次，我也和其他朋友一样，向杰瑞征求他的想法和主意。
记得有一次是这样的：公司要举办化妆舞会，我们要打扮成牛仔。他挑选了他的帽子，衬衫和夹克衫给我。非常不可思议的是，舞会最后，在众多白人同僚中，我竟然被选为最像牛仔的，还拿了奖。我始终无法想像，他是如何把一副东方面孔变作西部牛仔的。
Jerry loved everyone around him. He always praised his wife; he was very proud of his son Jason and his beautiful daughters. I still remember his excited and happy face when Angela surprisingly appeared at his birthday party at my house; he also told me he enjoyed playing with his stepson Zhijian; he told us he had a great time every time he came home after visiting his siblings; I knew he missed his parents, especially his mom; and he put his brother Fred’s name on the truck…
杰瑞爱他周遭的每一个人——
他经常赞美他的妻子，也为他的儿子和漂亮的女儿而感到自豪。
我到现在还记得那次我们在我家中为他庆生时（因为是个惊喜生日派对，他来之前还不知道的），当（他的女儿）安琪儿突然出现时，他脸上那兴奋和快乐的表情。
他告诉我，和子建一起生活他非常快乐。
每一次从他兄弟姐妹们家回来，他都非常开心。
我知道他非常想念他的父母，特别是想念他母亲。
他还把他哥哥的名字——弗雷特，刻在他的车上……
Jerry loved to help others his did not know, too. Every year in December he volunteered to deliver food to poor seniors. For the past 6 or 7 years, I went with him to do so. Some of those people lived alone, and were happy to see us, not only for the food but to have people to talk to. One old lady could keep talking for half an hour without taking a break. But Jerry was always very patient. I’m sorry that Jerry won’t be able to deliver food to those seniors anymore. But I am sure he will help others in heaven if there are people needing help up there.
杰瑞帮人，有助无类。
每年十二月，他都自愿去给鳏寡老人送食物。过去的六、七年中，我都跟他一块儿去。那些老人中有些人生活得很孤独，所以见到我们去都会很高兴，并不仅因为我们给他们带去食物，而且是有人去陪他们说说话。
有个老太太十分健谈，可以一口气讲半小时不带喘的，杰瑞却总能很耐性地听她说。
如今他已经不能再给那些老人送去食物了，但是我相信他会在天堂里继续帮助需要帮助的人……
Jerry was very handsome when he was young. I love the portrait of him in uniform when he was 20 or 30 years old. I once borrowed it and put it in my office. (Pointing to the picture) That is it.
我曾经见过杰瑞二、三十岁时候的照片，照片上的他穿着军装，简直帅爆了。我非常喜欢那张照片。有一次还向他借来挂在我的办公室里。
就是那张。（指着照片道）
Jerry was not Einstein, he was not the president of the United States, he never invented a spaceship, an apple never landed on his head to help him discover a physics law, but he was a unique person, a very special person, a wonderful person and he-was-our-best-friend!
杰瑞不是爱因斯坦，也不是美国总统，他没发明宇宙飞船，也没被苹果砸在头上而发现万有引力。但他却是个不寻常的人，一个非常独特且十分精彩的哥们，他是我们最好的朋友。
As close friends, Jerry and I sometimes would just sit outside at night, watching the stars, talking about the times when we were young or something like that. He told me when he was a kid, he used to climb a tree, and imagine that he could fly to the outside world. I told him I would like to see the tree some time.
作为他的好友，有时候，我和杰瑞会坐在夜空下看星星。也说很多我们年轻时候的事情，或者随便什么。他说他还是孩子的时候，经常去爬树，想象着能飞到外太空。我告诉他我希望能有机会到他家乡看看那棵树。
About three months ago, Jerry and I had a similar talk. I said that today, we don’t know if we will live again in the future, say 200 years from now. I said, however, two hundred years ago, no one on the earth (or even in the sky) knew that we would have a life now, either. So not knowing what will happen doesn’t mean it won’t happen. So maybe one day we would be friends again in future lives.
大约三个月前，我和杰瑞又在夜空下聊天。我说，今天我们可能不知道将来会怎样，比如说200年后会如何。可是，在200年前，地球上（或者说天上地下）也没有任何人知道我们现在的生活啊。所以现在不知道将来会发生什么，并不意味着它就不发生了。或许将来的某一天，我们还能再成为朋友。
May God bless the memory of Jerry. And may God bless you all!
愿上帝保佑杰瑞
保佑你们，保佑所有的人
