It's been such a long time.
Today the Compendium is out, so many positions, but not enough still to accompany the lose.
First time I could feel sad, deep sadness surrounding me and swallowed me, sadness on how the organisation had become today due to mis-management.
I am tired, in the moirning, at 8.30am, sitting in front of my computer, seeing the pages and pages of positions been advertised, I'm tired, tired of serving this organisation and shaken up of the place.
I don't have hate, I don't have anger anymore, it has been past those stages, and I am exahusted.
My brain is not accomdating much those days, i did not even remember my wedding anniversary.
It is sad to reach the stage today is at, and i don't know how much longer is still ahead of me.
The perfection in my head for humanities is too perfect, and it screams at me, this world, the selfish nature of humans, the higher they climb, the worse they get.
The pain of watching human suffering is driving me nuts, I, myself, is selfish, so maybe i deserves this suffering, I am not clear.
The books aren't saving me those days, the books make me want to end my life, it's difficult to bear the pain to see the world suffers. I am tired.
I have many emotions which I need to process but yet i don't even know where to start.
