4.10am：
Did not sleep well maybe due to high energy caused by ashtanga and upside down, lay on bed, also see another lizard on top of me which gave me a bit horror thought. Then woke up 12.30, 1, 1.30, until 3.30 finally I can only get up, energy is still high without drowsy, maybe the content of the program, maybe I am just in good mental status.
Maybe the practice has effect already or just away for longer period time, a lot of craving for comparison on success is not bothering me much; what others success is not something for me or viva, so just live up what we are and make better use of it for better wellbeing. Also G said one drinking problem president of India came to vipassana for 10 days then can not bear the smell of alcohol, I know champagne has no smell, but it is true sensation is what I am craving, in the past, might come back still, the quenching feeling and drowsiness afterwards.
I rarely feel the lower legs and toes of each, which is area that I should work on more. It is much more real without clothes on for this meditation. The touch to the clothes make it easier.
A vipassana center should be in the main city but not noisy downtown, people get access to it and it should be quite. I was thinking in SH where it can be, or I should go to the group place once; it will be great in Switzerland or upper state of New York, they might have already there.
Certainly it is the one of best things I ever did, for the spiritual path. Which might be most relevant to daily life; we said this body and Brain is not us, consciousness only matters, but all the karmas are within the body and brain, which we have to come out of it.
4 days to go, enjoy the best of it.
Viva la vida wellness program/ offered by VIVA International academy
How to get rid of your pressure
How to increase the energy
How to release the misery
How to get rid of caving, aversion and ignorance
吃的如此破和简陋，课堂上还不停打饱嗝，啥问题？有的下午震天响，连续，也没人管？我还是收心吧。
早餐chutney闲的要命没法吃，一种年糕一样甜的东西吃两口；好在有不新鲜的切开苹果和香蕉，我想多拿点也很快没有了，决定出去后买一大把吃个够。
早晨2小时又不容易啦，没有fan和多余衣服，身体部位感觉就不明显，而且我还有doubt，真如葛说的，这到底感觉是否对；又想到XW的事情和未来，我们很有可能都会在美国，要彼此照顾。随后也想，灵魂修行比啥老了在哪住重要得多，我的craving 是fame和与众不同，不管大众如何，我希望不一样，kalapas构成决定的，mind和body决定一个人命运，L案例就是如此，其实他自己都不相信自己狗屎运，所以破灭；不管如何不同生活取舍，如果价值观不同每次沟通过，都有无数欲望升起而非常不快乐，我修饰为realistic， 其实是调动了我的攀比心，craving for the same，永远没有穷尽。
感觉身体并没有变化，每次观察它，但dhamma说身体一直都是变化的，看到它的无常和suffering，所以痛是必须的，如果消失了咋办？ 今天早晨最后半小时有不明显的不舒适，找到它具体在哪里是个重点，并不明显。
葛外表不是典型的guru，和sadhguru差别很大，但很像个Buddha， gutama 最后啥时间去世的？去了哪里？ Eradicated karma 是理想，但要持续修行，10天只是个开始。葛讲到几个gutama故事，都是古老的故事，他开了一个meditation center，很多人会去学习：杀人魔，死了孩子女人和富商后来破产，但近代没听说啥例子，所以确实存在，不是杜撰的，这个是第三个问题：doubt，是否这个方法科学，是否适合自己，是否自己无药可救；我曾经到过那，起码会坚持练习，这个也是我的特性，可以坚持一件对的事情。
老弱病残是主要女性群体特征，男性没多看，人数多一些；我都很期待回到现实社会实践一下，计划结束就周围看一下当地手工品，去德里约一下rajiv，计划都做好了。
享受每一刻吧，也许不再回来，即使来已经不一样。
2.20pm：
其实也矛盾，上午老师说不能一定要有流动，不要去找感觉，会产生sankharas，但没有感觉也是问题，上唇处长时间关注会有异样感觉，但身体有些部分就是死角，脖子，小腿，今天下午溜号想到H，nicole等等，中午没有开小灶，我终于全系列练完，感觉好很多，热量都散发出去，这也是为啥其他人都热得很，我反倒没啥感觉；创业是个挑战vipassana实练好机会，还想到lily和edward。
5.15pm：
这最后半小时好难熬，working on blind spots, 我的是耳朵，小腿和脚，可是不能纠结，但要感受到，好难啊；好在我是个对自己要求不严格的人，差不多就行，equanimously 我应该是擅长的，开始计数，还有三天就结束了，对比公司里的事，和这里的避世，我会选择哪一个？如果定位为灵魂修行，那这个更重要，有人会说：你净搞些没用的，或者我妈如是说。而我必须先搞清楚自己灵魂，才可以做其他事，其实这次谈到craving是我最大问题，非常有针对性，对所有人都如此，一切人间痛苦的来源。
疼痛观察时确实会消失，但我走路感觉膝盖隐隐作痛没有消失，即使观察是不一样的疼痛，还是存在，但打坐确实很神奇，今天左侧臀部肌肉绷紧了，疼，观察一下消失了，身体确实瞬息万变。
刚在犹豫是否去喝chai，既然5天都坚持，最后4天更要坚持；中午是目前来讲一顿盛宴，我吃了秋葵和另外一道菜：5种豆子salad，是我爱的不饱和脂肪，一直没有吃到，偶尔星蹦的出现一粒花生，我喜欢吃苦，估计其他人都会受不了；即使如此，不喜欢印度大爷不停打轰隆隆的饱嗝，估计消化道有问题。
感谢创业，我有一个月时间在印度，奢侈得很，打工也没可能啊；所以葛讲的打油故事，3个孩子都把打油瓶装满摔碎了，一个说：半瓶没了，一个说：我救了半瓶，一个去打工，赚了钱买了半瓶补上；我是第二个，如果第三个，那岂不是craving again？caving is about something which is not there, but working hard to get it, it is practical; u never know u work hard but u still not get it, misery is coming.
这还真是挺有挑战的，如果瑞士滑雪肯定不想赶紧结束，现在我是希望它赶紧结束，如果3天能改变我的看法，我服！
做管家或者义工必须陪着打坐，这就是专职打坐啊，我希望灵魂净化，但不能只打坐，还是要做些事情，凡俗里去purify the mind，确实瑜伽脑子还想很多事，打坐一分心就乱了，只能专注，确实purify the mind，而且相信对心血感疾病有帮助，多次无数次循环，反反复复，血管和堵塞都通了。
如果在上海过午不食，不喝酒，我也瘦了，就是没那决心，这里就是啥也没有，无需决心。
考虑是提前去德里还是呆在这多一天，目前看来还是走吧，就是飞机和火车选择。我还真佩服J&T，可以做10次之多，这绝对要毅力。我是凡事尝试，取其精华，但不上瘾；除了喝酒和瑜伽。这个也许课程结束我会有变化？ 每天听完葛讲话总是热血沸腾，第二天又下来，然后再上去，这就是infuence。我还在想他是否脱离轮回？ Enlightened，开悟是否代表脱离肉身呢？
也许今天老师在，可以问他，他安安静静坐在椅子上，盘着腿，就像是最舒服的姿态，但女老师腰围简直比我见过任何水桶都宽，没法盘，坐着肚子都突出半米，这个难道不影响enlighten？
8.30pm：
In the path of dhamma: simple explained, benefit with it; experience yourself.
Jesus: saying ignorant people they do not know what they doing.
Devotion with wisdom, no expectation.
All will change, the silver right younger brother gets said so, he benefits.
Only 2 serious meditation days left, tks god!
Sensation is the key to enlightenment, all can be Buddha who lives the true, see the nature.
Ge encouraged to write about vipassana to let more people know this wonderful tool, I hope I am doing to that direction, so far it will scare people with weak heart.
Rama rama, the name calling is egoism, Ge does not want his name being repeatedly chanting, which I can see from facility there is not much his remark, but in the class he is everywhere.
I got agitated with the guy who is making noises, which I tried to tell myself he is sick and should be sympathized; but my shoulder is aching and I have some agitation coming out of it; I asked volunteer what I should do if I am disturbed, he said only acceptance. This is equanimity, I did not achieve it; I asked teacher, who told me I should focus on sensation, here and there, normally people lose it and now we should find it back.
I got a bit down since I do not feel sensation much, which means I am so far away from liberation, might be all these alcohol and I want to get out asap. Ge said at the beginning already, it is 2 days plus 10th day which u would not do serious meditation, which I feel happy. I have too much bondage which is difficult to break it, even the body with yoga more flexible but not sensible enough. The teacher asked me to go to see him lunch time tomorrow, I should be thankful, not thinking about my yoga practice much.
