我们要爱别人，就要用别人喜欢的爱的方式。你不是要爱得更用力，而是要爱得更智慧。
有一本书叫做《爱的五种语言》，观察和分类了爱的5种语言，这个理论有点儿意思。
第一种爱的语言： Quality Time—精心时刻。 花高品质的时间跟对方在一起。 心不在焉地玩手机不算。
第二种爱的语言： Gift—精心的礼物。 重点是在精心，而不在于花多少钱。
第三种爱的语言： Acts of service—服务的行为。 也就是说，在对方需要你的时候，尽量主动地提供帮助。
第四种爱的语言： Physical Touch—身体的接触。 很多时候，说不出来的爱，可以借着身体让对方感受到。尤其对于女生来说，亲密的、非性的拥抱，更容易让她们感受到爱意。
第五种爱的语言： Words of Affirmation—肯定的言语。 就是赞美的话。看到对方的好处，就随喜赞叹。当你感激对方的时候，可以直接告诉他。也可以通过电话、文字表达对对方的鼓励、感激和想念。
要在情感账户上 “存一进百 ”，关键是—— 找对语言，找对时间。
爱的五种语言更多的是如何维系爱情。心理学家说爱情是可以创造的，也就是通过那神奇的36问可以有触摸到灵魂的悸动。
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
如果你可以选择世界上任何一个人，你想让谁做你晚餐的客人呢?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
你想出名吗?以哪种方式?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
在打电话之前，你有没有排练过你想要说的话?为什么?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
你的完美一天由什么组成?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
你最后一次独自唱歌是什么时候?最后一次和别人一起唱歌是什么时候?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
如果你能活到90岁，在你人生最后60年里，你想拥有30岁的大脑还是身体?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
你有想过你会怎么死吗?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
举出你和我的三个共同之处。
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
在你的人生中什么让你最感激?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
如果你能改变你成长的方式，你会去改变什么?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
用四分钟，尽可能详尽地告诉我你一生的故事。
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
如果你明天一觉醒来，拥有了某种新的品质或者能力，那会是什么呢?
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
如果水晶球能告诉你关于你自己、你的人生、未来或者任何其他事情的真相，你想知道什么?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
有没有某样东西/某件事让你魂牵梦绕很久却没有实现的呢?为什么还没做呢?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
你一生最大的成就是什么?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
友谊中你最珍惜的是什么?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
你最珍贵的记忆是什么?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
你最糟糕的记忆是什么?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
如果你知道一年后你会突然死去，你会改变现在的生活方式吗?为什么?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
友谊对你意味着什么?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
爱情和感情在你的人生中起了什么作用?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
分享你认为我身上的5个优点。
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?
你的家庭多亲密?你觉得自己的童年比大多数人都快乐吗?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
你觉得你和母亲的关系怎么样?
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “
分别造三句“我们”的句子。例如，“我们同时在这个房间，感觉……”
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “
完成这句句子：“我希望我有一个能和他分享……的人。”
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
如果你想和我成为亲密的朋友，请分享你认为很重要并一定要我知晓的事情。
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
告诉我你喜欢我的什么;一定要中肯诚实，不要说那些和第一次见面的陌生人就能说的泛泛之谈。
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
分享给我你一生中一个尴尬的瞬间。
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
你最近一次在别人面前哭是什么时候?被谁弄哭的?还是自己哭的?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
告诉我你已经喜欢我的一点。
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
什么样的玩笑不能开?(如果有的话)
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
如果今晚你要死了，却没有机会和任何人交流，你最后悔没有告诉某人什么事?你为什么到现在为止没有说呢?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
如果你的家(包括你的所有财产)着火了。在救了爱的人和宠物外，你还有时间安全地再冲进去捡回一个东西。会是什么呢?为什么?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
家中所有的人中，谁的死会让你最不安?为什么?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
如果你可以选择世界上任何一个人，你想让谁做你晚餐的客人呢?
