I think I should get up early.  But every morning, I turn off my clock again and again.  on one hand, I blame myself, as a woman with no money, no good appearance, no supporting background , I should push myself more get at least what I can't earn like money and work.  On the other hand, I am used to having a comfortable life with no difficulties and be protected by someone. I mean I still  believe I can achieve if I have more difficulties, and I am afraid I was spoiled and I can't face to the difficulty when I meet them by myself.  I want to have a team in a company but I am afraid  because I have no courage, no sources and can't do things with so called skills, I mean do everything with purpose. 
         
      For all of this, actually, i want be respected by others I want to be more brave and I want to richer, so it's necessary to do more and experience more so that I can learn more. But, for me, i want my life be simpler. I want to be friends with others with no skills. I haven't experienced  more up to now is because  I don't want more things interrupt what I really want to do. like reading books and even write passages. I hate the trifles with relatives and I hate trifles with friends. I don't want to be interrupted and I just want travel somewhere and write down what other people do and read some books. Be simple!

    I want to be respected by others but at first I must respect others. I want to be cared by others but at first I must care about others. I want to have friends but at first I must be kind to others.  This is a kind of contradiction and also a kind of fact. If you want something you must do your utmost to earn them. for me I want to be rich because I know this is the source of my confidence.  and I want to achieve something like just one aspect is enough. just like I said before I have nothing to support me and help me. what I can do are reading and writing and also my job. All in all, there are three things I must insist on are reading & writing, working, exercising. Beside these, others things I don't care more but I need care some like friends , family. I want to experience more actually to make me be grown up.