How to Be Charming
Some people seem blessed with the ability to effortlessly charm anyone they meet. They can start a conversation with a complete stranger and end up with a new friend. How do they do it?
有些人似乎天生自带一种能力，能毫不费力地吸引遇见的每一个人。他们可以和一个完全陌生的人开启对话，最后还能收获一位新朋友。他们是怎么做到的呢？
It might seem like a magical power, but in fact there are a number of factors at work. So, can you learn to develop your charm? To a large extent, yes you can.
这看起来或许像一种魔力，但实际上，背后有多个因素在起作用。那么，你能通过学习培养自己的魅力吗？在很大程度上，是可以的。
But first, the bad news. Scientists have found that people initially judge each other based purely on physical appearance. With just a glimpse of a face, people make hurry judgements about each other's likeability and trustworthiness.
但首先，有个不太好的消息。科学家发现，人们最初评判他人时，完全是基于外在容貌。只消瞥一眼对方的脸，人们就会快速判断出这个人是否讨人喜欢、是否值得信任。
How to offset this? There's one incredibly simple tool: your smile. People perceive a smiling face as "more trustworthy, warmer and sociable". Smile and others will smile with you.
如何抵消这一点呢？有一个极其简单的方法：微笑。人们会觉得面带微笑的人“更值得信任、更亲切、更善于社交”。你微笑，别人也会跟着你微笑。
What other tricks might we have? Former FBI agent Jack Schafer has been trained in how to influence people. He told BBC: "Our brains are always surveying the environment for friend or foe signals."
我们还有其他什么技巧呢？前联邦调查局特工杰克·沙费尔接受过影响他人的相关训练。他在接受英国广播公司（BBC）采访时表示：“我们的大脑一直在观察周围环境，寻找是敌是友的信号。”
Three things we can do to signal that we are not a threat are to: raise our eyebrows quickly, tilt our heads slightly, and, once again, to smile.
我们可以通过三件事来传递“自己没有威胁”的信号：快速挑眉、轻轻歪头，以及——再次强调——微笑。
So we've looked at body language, but of course what you say is hugely important too. Schafer recommends that "the golden rule of friendship is if you make people feel good about themselves, they're going to like you."
我们已经探讨了肢体语言，但显然，你说的话也同样至关重要。沙费尔建议：“人际交往的黄金法则是，如果你能让别人自我感觉良好，他们就会喜欢你。”
In other words, you need to show interest in them, instead of talking about yourself and all your achievements.
换句话说，你需要表现出对他人的兴趣，而不是一个劲地谈论自己和自己所有的成就。
Another way to form a connection? Find common ground. Simple things like asking where someone's from can open up a discussion and allow you to find areas in common.
还有什么建立联系的方法吗？找到共同点。像询问对方来自哪里这样简单的举动，就能开启一段对话，让你找到彼此的共同之处。
2025年10月18日于马军场
