一、审题与构思
这篇雅思大作文真题的题目是：New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?。从这个题目我们可以看出这是一篇针对一个社会现象对人类生活影响的利弊大小这样一个有争议的话题的讨论。话题具体涉及到的内容是网络时代的儿童教育问题。我马上能够想到的当今互联网技术的发展对儿童成长的好处有：扩大知识面、开阔眼界、更加丰富的教育资源等；害处当然有：沉迷网络游戏、荒疏学业、近视加重、户外活动减少等等。总体上来说我的观点是弊大于利。
我的写作思路大体上就是传统的四段论：首尾分别导入和总结话题，主体部分分别讨论利弊。
二、初稿及点评
It is observed that the development of internet technologies have huge impact on the way children spend their leisure time. In my opinion, the downsides much outweigh the benefits.
As far as I am concerned, although internet using can help youngsters gain more knowledge and information making them better informed, extending their horizon and making better decisions; in addition, they may develop some teamwork spirit and problem solving skills by playing some educational computer games, all these limited benefits come at a huge cost.
On the one hand if kids spend too much time surfing the internet or play video games, they are very likely to become addicted to the virtual world and ignore their study and their obligation in the real life. On the other hand, their eyesight and health may also deteriorate because of lack of rear and physical exercises. Worst of all their ability to properly interact with their family members and friends may also be negatively affected and even don’t know how to talk to other people with simple words!
To conclude, modern digital technologies exert more harms than benefits to children. We adults should give suitable guidance to kids about their internet usage and help them to keep a healthy balance between internet using and real life experience and growth.
这篇初稿是我一口气完成的，没有查一次词典也没有看过任何别人的资料。我个人认为这篇文章写的还是很不成熟和满意。接下来我打算参考一下他人的同主题作文来对自己的这篇初稿做一些充分、深入和全面的修改。
三、修改稿及评点
In our modern life, it is not difficult to notice that our life is very much affected by the progress of advanced technologies like the internet, smart phones, cashless payment to name only a few. The same also holds true for the way children spend their spare time. In the past kids engaged in more outdoor activities while they live a more sedentary life playing with their digital gadgets. In my view, the drawbacks of the current technological innovations much outweigh the benefits.
As far as I am concerned, despite the strengths such as the greater convenience, volume and faster speed to access information, wider range of entertainment sources and social networking with virtual friends regardless of time or space, too much indulgence in the digital world takes a significant toll on youngsters' health and academic performance. For one thing if kids spend too much time surfing the internet or playing video games, they are very likely to suffer from damaged eyesight, obesity and other health disorders such as high blood pressure or diabetes due to lack of physical exercises. For another, internet addiction may also result in the adolecents' failure to pay attention in class, ignorance of their schoolwork and poor score in their course evaluation.
What's more, too much time spent in the cyber space of young people may deprive them of their acutal interpersonal skill to connect and bond with their real life peers and family members and develop some mental issues like depression and anxiety. A typical case in point is a kid in UK who is a social network addict and nearly could only communicate with her parents with text messages instead of using spoken words in the normal manner according to a recent BBC news report.
To conclude, modern digital technologies exert more harms than benefits to children. We adults should give appropriate guidance to kids about their disciplined and intelligent internet browsing and help them to keep a healthy balance between internet surfing and real life obligations and growth.
这篇修改稿改动还是很大，因为在我回头读了几遍自己的一稿并对照了网上几篇同题目的文章后我发现一稿在文章的结构、论述的充分和语言的准确和多样性方面都有很大的提升空间。我的这次创作和改稿的经历表明：虚心和认真借鉴他人的作品非常重要，同时好的、自己满意的作品不是写出来的而是改出来的。
