No matter how hard I tried to rekindle this lukewarm relationship, it’s dwindling into feeble flames and bound to break. Or a massive explosion?

Maybe Reta is right, I’ve been too kind of a girl and boys want torture and chase. Sometimes I wonder if it’s how human mind is absurdly programmed: you desire something hard to attain. If someone pours all his or her heart into you, you settle into this comfortable ease and see them as less sexually attractive. It’s like nobody wants easy love. So all the mind games, playing-hard-to-get dramas and broken hearts in this town. Funnily I’m looping Easy Love by Lauv when writing this, an American indie singer songwriter whose songs are best paired with blue lagoon. He just reminds me of shades of blue, the color of my life when I first stumbled upon his songs. I’m a bit off topic now….

Anyways, it seems, in my experience, that comfort and familiarity really breeds contempt. When you say something like, ‘I don’t wanna be your regret, I wanna be your cocoon.’ You get taken for granted for your good-natured amiability and dethroned into the hell of boredom and monotony. I’m not just talking about those bad guys, even those who appear to be good guys are not too different. But do be cautious of those who claim to be ‘one of the good guys’, the worst of all. Just wolves in sheep’s clothing.

Also another life lesson: boys like you the most when you have already walked away. Then they crawl back into your life and try to win you back when you’re totally out of love. And I just thought I’m tired of this toxic pattern of modern romance, and I’d rather be old-fashioned for you with a schoolgirl crush. But, again, like all my failed romances, you ditched this all-encompassing love and left me alone in the dark. I don’t wanna love you anymore. Quit us and all the back and forth convo like just my sunk cost and bad habit. I’m gonna focus on myself, cos I still remember how I made the whole room shimmer. How amazing I am as a person. Not the self-image I projected as someone who worships you.

Maybe we’re like Scarlet and Ashley. You are just the limerent object of all the virtues I love in a man. But I’m not gonna lie and pretend my heart has been untouched by the real person across the screen.

So what? I like you? A little maybe. But what of that? A future? Never gonna be. At least I gave my all and will never regret.