social justice 这门课要求交五篇journal，主题是beyond the comfort zone。虽然是作业，但是是发自内心的journal，所以觉得直接粘贴到这里。这周交的两篇。
First Time Live in the UnitedStates
At August 10th,after a twenty hour flight I landed in Cleveland. At first, I was excited aboutthe new environment, when I look at the beautiful sky and the exotic buildingsI said to myself I cannot believe I am in the United States. One month later, Istarted to be overwhelmed by almost everything in my life and I panicked. Ifelt anxious about my classes, because I could not finish the readings andwrite five page English papers. I could not bear the food here, but I had notime for cooking Also, the public transportation was killing me. I felt I couldnot handle them all.
While I felt lost andfrustrated, I called my friends in China and I said, “I had a perfect life inChina, I already have a Master’s degree, I can find a decent job and live avery good life with the money I paid for my tuition. I should not have come to theUnited States. I want to go home. Why do I have to pay so much money to makemyself suffer? I push myself too hard. I cannot do this. I want nothing buthome.” I cried myself to sleep that night.
The next morning, I sat on mydesk and looked outside my window. I started to remember everything I’velearned in America. The first day in the Social Justice class, we discussedabout comfort zone and the symptoms you will experience when you step out ofyour comfort zone. I realized I am panicking because I am beyond my comfortzone and I am learning new things. So I started to list what I learned in thisone month. I rented my apartment and bought all my furniture through theinternet before I came. The first week in America, I don’t even know how tocook rice. The only cooking skill I had was boiling a pot of water. But now Ican cook a lot of traditional Chinese food. I opened an internet serviceaccount by myself. Even though I find it hard to finish the readings, I asked alot of other students and professors about reading and note taking skills.
I realized this is what I camehere for, to push myself to learn. If I didn’t come here, instead of readingthese English papers, I would probably be lying on my couch and watching TV on Saturdaymorning. I remember at the orientation lecture, one professor said, “You won’t bethe same person that you are today, the day you graduate.” I believe it is true.
Microaggression
During small group discussionat several classes, I found myself uncomfortable and felt isolated by otherAmerican students. I was in a small group of 4 students. As the onlyinternational student in the small group, I felt neglect. Because during thediscussion, the three other American students were talking fast and made a lotof eye contact with out me. Even though I tried to interact and express myopinions.
I felt they were ignoring mebut I told myself maybe my opinions were not good enough. Whereas, a few dayslater, I went to a lecture and I learned in the lecture that what I experiencedwas microaggression. I learned that instead of blaming myself, the first stepis to recognize this behavior as microaggression. But also I understand thatthey were doing it unconsciously. We are living in a culture background withbias, discrimination and stereotype, therefore it is hard to eliminatemicroaggressions. By learning the knowledge of microaggression, we will have abetter way to deal with it. So I decided next time this happens, I will step upfor myself. I had the courage to speak for myself without worrying my speech,because I had a new perspective of this situation.
A few days later, when thesame situation happened again, during another small group discussion I interruptedthem, even though I was very nervous. I said, “Excuse me, I don’t understandthe part you just talked about. Can you explain a little bit more?” By doingthat I was telling them, I was also a group member in this discussion and wewere supposed to make sure everyone participates in this group.
I always felt uncomfortable when I had a conflict with other people. So I would normally avoid having conflict and just sit there quietly. And I wanted to just sit there without interrupting them or making anyone uncomfortable. But I took a different action and I learned from it. I learned a better way to cope in this situation and I had a better understanding of microaggression. Also, I learned to pay attention to the signs of microaggession therefore avoid microaggressive toothers.
