译文BY刘安娜20161009
原文作者：里奥·巴伯塔（LEO BABAUTA）
A reader wrote to me that he is frustrated with himself — he hasn’t been as compassionate to people as he’d like recently.
有位读者给我写信，说对自己感到失望——他最近没有像他希望的那样富有同情心了。
Lots of us experience this: we’re judgmental, quick to snap at people, getting frustrated with how other people act, judging people who have different beliefs than us.
我们很多人都有这种经历：总带着批判的眼光，厉声打断别人，对他人的反馈感到沮丧，批判那些与我们持不同信念的人。
The reader who wrote to me is actually aware of being judgmental — most of us don’t even realize when we’re doing it. We think we’re right to judge others, to be frustrated with them, to snap in anger.
写信这位读者意识到了这种批判——我们大多数人都没意识到我们是这样的。我们觉得自己有权评判他人，有权对他们感到沮丧，有权怒气冲冲。
This reader, in contrast, sees the less-than-friendly actions he takes and sees that they’re not aligned with the good person he wants to be, the compassionate person he is at heart. He sees the less friendly actions and wants to change them. That is worthy of celebration.
相反地，这位读者看到了自己不那么友好的行为，意识到了这行为与他想成为的一个好人相悖，也不匹配他内心的同情。他观察到了这种不友好的行为，想要改变。这值得庆祝。
In this primer, I’d like to talk about how to be more understanding, and then how to be mindfully compassionate on an everyday basis. Of course, I am as guilty of being judgmental and less-than-compassionate as anyone else, so I don’t want to convey the impression that I’m above anyone. I’m not!
我想浅谈一下如何更富有理解力，如何每天都怀有谨慎的同情心。当然，我和你们一样，也会批判别人，缺乏同情心，所以我并非想显得高人一等。因为我没有！
That said, I think this is important: when we are judgmental, it hurts our relationships with others, and makes us frustrated and unhappy. We can dissolve all of that, and be happier and more loving with other people and ourselves.
我是说，我认为重要的是：我们的指责伤害了和他人的关系，让我们沮丧、不开心。我们可以解决这事儿，更开心，更爱他人以及自爱。
The Basics of Being Understanding
富有理解力的基础
When we’re feeling frustrated with others, when we notice ourselves judging others … we can use this as a signpost that it’s time to try understanding them instead.
我们对他人失望时，我们注意到自己指责别人时……可以把这看作转为试图理解他人的指示牌。
We judge people all the time:
我们总是在指责：
• They are acting badly, so we’re frustrated with them他们表现太差，所以我们很沮丧。
• They eat differently than us, so we think they’re wrong他们和我们吃的不同，我们觉得他们错了。
• They live differently than us, so we think they are dumb他们生活方式不同，我们觉得他们傻。
• They have different political views than us, so we think they’re deluded他们的政见与我们不同，所以他们上当受骗了。
• They’re overweight, poor, have a different religion, speak poorly, dress badly, are on their phones all the time, taking too many selfies, have too much sex, are too prudish, etc. etc.他们太胖了，太穷了，是异教徒，口齿不清，穿得太差，总是讲电话，拍太多自拍照，滚太多床单，假正经，等等等等。
We don’t recognize all of this as being judgmental, but it is. So when we’re doing it, let’s use it as a mindfulness bell.
我们没意识到这些全都是批评，但确实是。所以一旦我们这么说，就当作是思想的警钟。
Here’s what you can do when that mindfulness bell sounds:
当思想敲警钟时，你可以这么做：
1. Seek to understand. Instead of having an instant opinion about someone, challenge yourself to be curious instead. See if you can try to understand the person rather than thinking they’re wrong. If we are judging someone, we’re not understanding them. We have a lack of knowledge that’s causing us to be judgmental.
寻求理解。克制评价别人的冲动，转为训练自己的好奇心。看看你能否试着理解别人，而不是直接认为他们错了。我们批评别人时意味着我们并不理解。缺乏相关的知识导致我们横加指责。
2. Ask how you can see the good-hearted explanation. Ask how you can explain the other person’s behavior in a good-hearted way. There’s an explanation that makes the other person seem inconsiderate, ignorant, wrong. And then there’s one that assumes the other person has good-hearted intentions. This isn’t always easy, but if someone is doing something irritating, we might assume they are just trying to be happy. When someone lashes out at you, they might be experiencing fear. We might assume this fear means they want to protect their tender hearts. There’s always a good-hearted way to explain an action, even one we might think of as evil. We don’t have to condone that action, but we can see the tender heart that lies beneath it.
自问是否有善意的解释。自问他人的行为是否存在一种善意的解释。他们的行为可能轻率、愚昧、大错特错，这是一种解释。另一种解释是别人的意图是好的。这并不容易，但如果某个人行径令人恼火，我们也可以假设TA只是想要高高兴兴的。如果别人攻击你，他们可能正经受恐惧。我们可以认为是恐惧让他们想要自我保护自己脆弱的心。即便是我们可能以为邪恶的行为，也能找到善意的解释。我们并不需要宽恕那种行为，但我们能看到行为背后的温柔心灵。
3. Remember what it’s like to go through that difficulty. We have all experienced fear, frustration, anxiety, uncertainty, wanting to go away from discomfort. If we see the good-hearted intention behind the action, we can see the difficulty they’re having that goes with that intention. And we can remember what it’s like to have a similar difficulty — remember the pain, fear, frustration, anger, grief that goes with that difficulty.
记住克服困难的感觉。我们都有恐惧、挫败、焦虑、不确定、想要逃离不适的感觉。如果我们能看到行为背后的好心善意，我们就能看到他们面对的困难。我们可以记住我们面对相似困难的感觉——记住伴随困难而来的那种痛苦、恐惧、挫败、愤怒和悲痛。
Once we start to understand the person and their actions, see the good heart behind the actions, empathize with their difficulty … we can start offering compassion.
一旦我们开始理解别人和他们的行为，意识到行为背后的美好心灵，对他们的困难感同身受……我们就能同情和理解。
A Simple Compassion Method
简单的激发同情心方法
If you can empathize with the other person’s difficulties, then you can offer them compassion:
如果你对他人的艰难感同身受，你就能表现出同情心：
• If they’re suffering pain or stress, you can simply wish for an end to that pain or stress.如果他们在经受痛苦或压力，你只需盼望着快些结束。
• You might also wish for them to be happy.你可以祈祷他们更快乐。
• You might even send love from your heart to theirs.从内心向他们传播爱。
A good daily practice is compassion meditation. Try this for just a few minutes a day:
同情心冥想可以作为一项良好的每日练习。每天用几分钟做以下尝试：
1. Simply sit still and picture yourself in pain or stress (from your actions, or from other things). Feel it in your body.保持冷静，想象自己处于痛苦或压力之下（出于行为，或其他什么事）。体会身体的感觉。
2. Wish yourself happiness. Wish for an end to your difficulties. Give yourself some love.希望你自己得到幸福。期待磨难过去。给自己一些爱。
3. Now repeat this with a loved one, picturing them in pain. Wish for an end to their difficulties, wish for their happiness, send them love.现在对你爱的人重复这个部分，想象他们处于痛苦之中。渴望他们的磨难过去，希望他们幸福，给他们一些爱。
4. Repeat the process with a good friend, a colleague, a neighbor, and a stranger.对一位好朋友重复这个过程，接着对一位同事，一位邻居，最后一位陌生人。
5. Finally, picture everyone in the world, and wish for their happiness and an end to their difficulties.最终，对全球每个人如是想象，希望他们得到幸福，磨难消散。
This meditation can just take a few minutes a day. It helps cultivate compassion inside of us. When you see other people struggle, you’ll notice this more often, and wish for them to have an end to that struggle. It will take awhile, but if you do this daily (or as close as you can), I believe you’ll see a difference.
这样的冥想每天只花几分钟。它能帮助我们培养内心的同情心。你会更加留意到别人的苦苦挣扎，希望他们的磨难尽早过去。可能会花一段时间，但如果你每天练习（或者尽可能频繁），我相信你会看到变化的。
——想法——
同情心是一种能尽量设身处地的考虑他人的感情，和同理心类似，可以说是人类独有的感情。正因为人类对于同类富有同情心、同理心，当看到别人遭受不幸时，尽管承受者并不是我们自己，我们也会感同身受（至少部分的），进而，我们会向他人提供帮助。靠着互助，人类形成了更大的群体，比其他物种存活率更高（当然，这对其他物种大概也不是什么好消息）。当然，我也并不是说，我就比其他人强。恰恰相反，正是因为我也有着这样的弱点，我才希望注意到并改变。读这篇文章的时候，我也在反省。
courser（在线学习网站，包含多门全球名校热门课程）有一门很受欢迎的社会心理学课程，授课导师风趣幽默，学识渊博。他曾讲到，现今社会有许多问题，我们对彼此越来越冷漠，不愿意伸出援手，更有一些人伤害他人而毫无悔意，大多数事件的背后原因是同理心缺失。
不过，话说回来，同情心不是任何时候都适用的。正如老话说，可怜之人必有可恨之处。不是所有的行为背后都有善意，也不是所有的艰难都是出于外界付诸的不幸，过于泛滥的同情心是一种资源浪费和对其他人的不公平。所以文章中里奥也讲到是mindfully compassionate，带有审慎意味的怜悯，富有同情心并不等同于滥好人。
-END-
