A lot of words want to tell you .I do did something wrong .But I really think you misunderstood me a lot.And want to make something clearly.

First tell you those people I talked.I guess you thought I had flirted with them.Actually I didn't .I have a lot of interests,so I know a lot of people who have same interest with me.But I only talked about those professional knowledge with them,not the topic of sex.If you only meant I don't talk with them about sex or love or something like that,I'm ok with that.But if what you meant is I can't talk with any other male ,I'm afraid that I can't do it.Everyone has his own social circle.I won't give up my normal life for you.

Then I'm going to tell you those men who said love me.Indeed they said that ,but it is ture or not is quite a different matter.I'm not interested in them.

About that Indian boy,I know him earlier than you.So it happened long time ago.And if you don't like Indian people ,I won't talk with any Indian people.It is not a big deal.I respect you.

Now I am going to say a long story about me.I really hope you could read it.

After my ex boy friend broke up with me .It hurt me a lot.I suffered the depression.My families still don't know nowdays.A lot of times I wanted to kill myself.In a snow night,I went outside feeling nothing is worth to make me stay and wanted to end my life.When I walked down the road to a streetlight,I found an amazing scene.It looked so beautiful that the snowflakes were flying under the light.It is the most beautiful thing in the world at that time.I want to say it saved my life .I told my myself," as long as there are still beautiful thing existing,even if there is only one,It's worth keeping me living in this world."So I didn't do that stupid thing.

After that,I kept making myself to live happily.My situation got better than before.My ex boyfriend is stimulus and could easily stimulate me .He seemed to be deliberately reminding me of his existence. Everytime I was almost going to forget that painful memories about him and to start a new life ,and I almost made it,he always contact me ,at intervals. After his contaction,the depression would break out.Although I wouldn't want to suicide anymore,but depression is a torture.It makes my life like a mess.I talked less,eat less ,sleep less and shut myself in the room feeling that having no love for life.And always forget things.I am not hoping you could understand the situation ,if you have never gone through it.

What I really want to say is the next:

When the first time I saw you ,you attracted me .When you smiled to me ,I was thinking ,"oh my god ,you are so beautiful."You look like an angel.Everything around you is shining.And your smile looks so beautiful .My heart is dark and damp .My world is full of darkness.But you are the light ,you can dispel all the darkness in my world and bring light .You look sunshine.When I saw you ,I saw the bright.You can save my world.You are the"snowflake".In my eyes,you the most beautiful in this world.And after talking with you in the video call ,more confirmed my thought.I think the reason is your character .Your body can give out the light. I have never seen a boy like you .You are so soft sometimes look cute.When I was looking at you,I feel you like soft cotton and i want to hug you tightly.

I don't want you to leave me.My thinking is a little selfish.But this is how I feel.Because you are the only light in my dark life.None could do that .But you make it.You make me feel safe and hopeful.Every time you were angry with me and going to delete me,I was always scary.I was afraid that you would leave me.It felt like I was going to lose something improtant.

I am regret very much about what I said that night.I shouldn't say that.I won't do sex with all of the men.I don't have the courage to take a risk of suffering AIDS or STD .I was stimulated so I said a lot of messy words.It must hurt you.Sorry.

You are a doctor.you must know the technical term"avoidant attachment".I am this type.I do want to be loved and a relationship.But I don't have any confidence. I don't know how to love people expecially in a relationship. I can't overcome my personality defects.So I think people like this would better to be single,otherwise both will be hurt.I do like you,but I just can't fall in love  you .That is my problem.I don't know how to love people.I have no ability to deal with relationship well.

I  think I do care about you very much.Otherwise I won't explain anything.No metter how you are feeling now,I 'm ok with that.Actually I don't look forward to anything else.that is enough for me to see you on the screen.

And thinking of your identity,my  blood freezes . I feel that you have too many secrets.I don't know how you feel.But i do feel embrassed and don't know how to talk with you anymore.Maybe you have some reasons that couldn't tell me.But i feel you're unfamiliar .I told you everything about mine ,but I even don't know who you are.....Hope something would never happened and we could still talk like before.Hope that i still could flirting with you without any worry.

Forgive my sensitive.