Summary
Habit 4 (think win/win) is fundamental to success in all our interactions, and it embraces five interdependent dimensions of life. It begins with character and moves toward relationships, out of which flow agreement. It is nurtured in supportive system and achieved through right process. The following diagram explains how these five dimensions relate to each other.
We are trying to work together with differences，so how do we transcend the limits of our individual perceptions so that we can deeply communicate and come up with Win/Win solutions? The answer is Habit 5 (seek first to understand, then to be understood). We rephrase content and reflect feeling to develop empathic listening. In addition to a deep understanding of other people’s concerns, we may increase the credibility of our ideas and make an effective presentation, then to be understood.
习得
习惯4中，Think Win/Win 对我的启发很大，更多地让我意识到生活不是“你有我无、你输我赢”的单选题，改变思维模式，单选变多选哦！ 那么如何实现共赢呢？“to separate the person from the problem , to focus on interests and not on positions， to invent options for mutual gain , and to insist on objective criteria that both parties can buy into ” 为此作者提出了 “四步法”，了解问题→定位关切→共同方案→备选方案。
在习惯5中，作者主要讲到观念的转变，改变以往 “to be understood”为先的思维模式，转变为seek first to understand. 如何能够了解和理解别人呢？首先要学会的是有效的倾听empathic communication 。 那么如何做到有效倾听？就是在倾听的过程中改变以往evaluate 、probe、advice 和interpret的套路，学会rephrase the content and reflect the feeling 的方法，这样才可以放下“自己的执念”，才会有机会去影响别人。“We‘ll never get to the problem if we’re caught up in our own autobiography, our own paradigms, that we don’t take off our glasses long enough to see the world from another point of view.”按照我的理解，说白了就是要put ourselves in other’s shoes ,就是学着站在别人的角度去看问题。但是这种“移情代入”也有风险，让我们容易受到外界的影响，所以说之前的习惯1、2、3至关重要，练好1、2、3方可有强大的内心，在“我”与“他”之间实现自由转换，而又不失“定力”。
在掌握习惯5的前半段功法（seek first to understand）后，后半段功法（to be understood）似乎也顺理成章。因为我们通过empathic communication已经了解到对方的关切、掌握到了准确信息，同时让对方感受到psychological air , 所以在寻求to be understood 时，就会把对方的关切和自己的观点或建议结合起来，形成an effective presentation。这样实现了“动之以情”到“晓之以理”的良好过渡。
纵观目前读完的习惯1、2、3、4、5， 相互之间环环相扣，1、2、3 重在修炼强大内心，形成“定海神针” ，帮助我们在修炼高阶4、5、6、7时不至于迷失自我； 4和5提升到我们与他人的互动交往中， 在习惯4中实现Win-Win时，我们需要用到习惯5的方法去了解别人，找准关切，；而践行习惯5的过程中， Win-Win是贯穿始终的方向。
词汇和表达
1. 以己之见揣度别人的多种表达：To project our intentions on the behavior of others/ to read their autobiography into other people’s lives / to prescribe their own glasses for others / …because we listen autobiographically / from our own frame of reference/ with autobiographical advice and “I told you so’s”/
2. 一致的多种表达：you are in alignment with the emotional thrust of another person’s communication / be in harmony with / be congruent with /
3. 执念的表达：Who are deeply embedded in the Win/lose mentality /be deeply scripted in /
4. Beat around the bush: be deliberately ambiguous or unclear in order to mislead or withhold information. 旁敲侧击、含糊其辞
5. …potential problems can be nipped in the bud. 防患于未然
