I m talking with the god today. These days I m always talk with him. She is placing a lot of surprises for me and laying plenty of talents around wait for me to find. I was born pure and beauty. Everything is so perfect until one day I stop to think it is.

She represented herself as him, sitting across me, planning the building we gonna live in the future. She told me, if you think about one thing many many times then these things will come true. I guess she is right.

I have been wishing for shallow dream. And they come true as always.

There  might not be shallow or sophisticated. It’s just my understanding and when my mind is wondering around. Shallow idea influence people more easily.

Be Greece, start the beauty cult. Then life goes on. Isn’t life all about it. Maybe I already do plenty.

We own everything. We own nothing. His side face is so beautiful like a sculpture. He had no idea I write erotic things about him.

That’s my boyfriend or let’s say fiancée. I am proud I have him completely. He is everything I wished for. Young, talented, energetic and most importantly love me without any strings.

I m lucky because the day we met each other I just happened to had period so we don’t need to proceed making love. On the very early that morning I just had another love maker to enter my body for a ride.

I cherish my period so happily this time. Through its painful as always, I was so glad to see her. My best friend. There is bigger chance to be pregnant especially when you had intercourse with two men.

Is this a safer choice or an passive choice? There is an invisible hand pushing me to move forward. To read more books, to access the new knowledge and be more spiritual.

I was planting monstera deliciosa. It going crazy after this summer as I moved it in the balcony and changed into a bigger plant.

I feel like I m that plant now. Sometimes when i water her i ll also touch her leaf and told her “ wow you are amazing, growing so big like you are in tropical weather”

Am I like her right now, growing crazily when you realized its already bit out of control.

Daring is a good thing. Like the lady we gonna interview in two weeks. We challenge ourself everyday. Those days are to be more wild, more freedom. And I taste the freedom of the sky, bit of bitter through. Now I live in the freedom land. Having the two relationships that god and myself put ourself into. I feel like I need to read conversation with god all over again.

Back to who I m, back to the present. I m moving out, enjoy the time to be along. Or let’s say far away from the days which I need to clean the house and knowing the fact that he is not ready for settlement for good.

I just realized that after talking with Arrow. I blamed myself over and over again. That I betrayed him. The fact that we all have our parts lead to where we stand.

The dark idea eats me in this day light.