1. My 5-yearold son and his piano dream

My son zhezhe is 5 years old. He started his piano class one year ago and has been kept practicing every day. In my view, he plays quite well. Two months earlier, he attended a piano contest and won a prize. He was happy and proud of himself.

Recently, he was depressed. He refused to practice piano at home and refused to go to the piano class.

I had a conversation with him to understand what happened. He shared with me that he found the class became more and more difficult, and it took him longer to master the new song he learned from the class. He felt depressed, low confidence, and he would like to give up.

I reminded him of his happiness when he won the award two months before, when he received the applause from the audience and praise from the piano teacher and family members.

He cheered up a little bit.

I continued asking him, to imagine a situation when play piano would make him happy and proud? He thought for a while and said he would like to play piano on the stage, in front of a big group of audience, he would play so well that he received a big round of applause.

I continued the conversation by inspiring him to think how he would achieve this goal.

At this end of the conversation. He was determined to keep practicing piano in order to achieve this goal.

2. What is Situation Leadership II?

I applied Situation Leadership II (referred to as SLII in this article later) skills in this case. When I talked about “Skills”, I mean both mindset / concept and techniques to lead the conversation.

Situational Leadership® II, by The Ken Blanchard Companies, is one of the most comprehensive and widely used leadership development model in the world.

It is a model for developing individuals to their highest level of performance on a specific goal or task.

SLII isn’t something you do to people; it’s something you do with people.

How does SLII helps coach/leader to achieve this goal?

1. SLII helps leaders build capability to diagnose development levels and select the appropriate leadership style.

2. Based on #1, the leader can adapt his/her leadership style to the situation and coach/develop the individual. This is based on the understanding: there is no best leadership or coaching style.

3. SLII provides guidelines and tools to increase the quality and quantity of conversations the leader has with the individual he/she leads (or influences).

I took the SL II blended course, which is a combination of 3-hours of online learning, which provides fundamental information, and a 2-hour WebEx group debrief with our internal facilitators and a group of the course peers.

3. Why I took SL II course?

In my case, SLII not only helps me as a leader, but also helps me as a mom.

As a certified psychological counselor well trained in psychology and philosophy, I believe in one thing: people don't change unless they really want to.

As a leader, I must help my team to grow. As a mom, I must help my kids to grow and become better themselves. I cannot force them to, and I cannot change others. What I can do is to improve and change myself to build the capability to help people around myself.

This is the reason why I read various coaching books and took coaching courses including as SLII. The purpose of SLII is to help others develop their self-reliant problem-solving skills, which is a perfect match to my needs.

In the course introduction, it states: By working with a situational leader, individuals develop competence, which increases their confidence and willingness to take responsibility for decision making.

This is the type of leader I want to be, to help the people around myself.

To me, SLII is a journey. I need to change myself with the learnings, change my mindset and the way I coach my team/kids.

I believe that people don't change unless they really want to. I also have another two beliefs:

1. Change is hard, there is no denying that. However, change is possible if you want it bad enough.

2. Change is good, but not changing others! Be the change yourself and see the reflection in them.

Let me share the SLII framework I learned and how I use SLII to help my son persist in his piano dream.

Overview: Three steps of SLII

Let’s have an overview of SLII framework.

SLII includes Three Skills / steps

• Goal Setting

• Diagnosing

• Matching

These three steps MUST be taken in sequence, not mess up.

In zhezhe’s story above. I took these three steps in order.

• Goal Setting. We discussed the current situation and aligned on what needed to be done. He told me that he found self-confidence after mastering a difficult song. He desired to play in front of the big audience and receive a big round of applause.

• Diagnosing. We collaboratively assessed his competence and commitment on his goal.

• Matching. Based on the diagnosis. I adopted a leadership style, comfortably, to provide zhezhe with what he needed, on his goals.

Let me take you through the three steps one by one, in details.

Step#1: Set SMART goals

The first step in creating clarity and alignment is setting SMART goals.

It’s impossible to assess someone’s competence and commitment unless you know exactly what he or she is expected to do. SMART goals are set during an Alignment Conversation.

• S = Specific

• M = Motivating

• A = Attainable

• R = Relevant

• T = Trackable

SMART goals motivate. They get leaders and the people they lead on the same page.

Let’s take a look at zhezhe’s story following the SMART criteria.

• S = Specific. He desired to play in front of the big audience and receive a big round of applause.

• M = Motivating. This goal is meaningful to zhezhe. It raises self-confidence and self-efficacy. Working on this goal will build competence and commitment. To zhezhe, the process to practice piano everyday both adds and drains energy. He will experience various feelings and emotions. He will learn to overcome his sinking feelings and motivate himself to keep up with the pace of his piano study. He will be tired while happy and fulfilling.

• A = Attainable. this goal is realistic, reasonable, and achievable. It is within the control of zhezhe as long as he keeps practicing.

• R = Relevant. As a mom, my goal is to raise a boy who is happy, confident, and optimistic. I want zhezhe to understand the purpose of his life and try his best to realize his purpose. I understand zhezhe’s goal may be and will be changed while he is growing up. At this moment, it is his desire to play piano on the stage in front of a big audience, enjoy applause and spotlight. It will take both competence and commitment to achieve this goal and he will build self-confident during this process. The piano-learning process will also cultivate his qualities of persistence, tenacity, and hard work, all are indispensable and crucial for him to be successful when he grows up. I understand well that zhezhe will encounter numerous obstacles in his life. He must learn how to rein in his emotion and temper, keep calm and carry on. It is good for him to build up self-esteem and self-efficacy the so that he is not easily discouraged by difficulties and obstacles. This is aligned with my goal.

• T = Trackable. It is easy to track and measure zhezhe’s progress with piano-playing. He knows by himself. His piano teacher can provide feedback as well.

Step #2: Diagnosing Development Level

Once SMART goals are set, next step is to diagnose development level.

Development level is a combination of two factors:

• Competence—the individual’s demonstrated task-specific and transferable knowledge and skills; and

• Commitment—the individual’s motivation and confidence on a specific goal or task.

Diagnosing is to collaboratively assess an individual’s competence and commitment on a specific goal or task.

There are four development levels.

development levels

Learning the key terms for each development level is about learning a new language for leadership.

Development level is goal or task specific. It is not an overall rating of an individual’s skills or attitude.

Let’s diagnose zhezhe’s development level following the step by step guide.

Competence

1. Goal/task-specific knowledge & skills – moderate to high as a five-year-old learner

2. Transferable knowledge & skills – moderate to high. I consider characters and qualities such as persistent, memory, optimistic, self-confidence, etc

Commitment to the goal / task

3. Quality of Motivation – varies from low to high depends on his status and moods

4. Confidence– varies from low to high depends on his status and moods

diagnosing development level

To summarize, in zhezhe’s story, he plays piano well (considering his age) and won awards, but sometimes appears hesitant or self-critical when start a new song which is more difficult. He is at the Capable, but Cautious, Contributor stage on his goal.

He is D3: has moderate to high knowledge and skills (competence) and has variable commitment. He is generally skillful but at times unsure.

D3

Step #3: Matching leadership style

The third skill of SLII is Matching.

Matching is using a variety of leadership styles, comfortably, to provide individuals with what they need.

That means using the right leadership style for the person’s development level so that they develop their competence and commitment.

Leadership style is a pattern of behaviors leaders use, over time, as perceived by others.

There are two basic leadership style behaviors: Directive Behavior and Supportive Behavior.

matching leadership style.png

There are four leadership styles consisting of different combinations of Directive and Supportive Behaviors.

Each leadership style is a unique combination of the two leadership behaviors:

• Style 1—Directing

• Style 2—Coaching

• Style 3—Supporting

• Style 4—Delegating

leadership styles

In zhezhe’s story, he is on D3: Capable, but Cautious, Contributor Stage.

I use Style 3—Supporting—Low Directive Behavior and High Supportive Behavior

My Intention is to boost his confidence by giving him the support he needs.

Here are some examples of what he needs (excerpted from the SLII playbook).

1. Opportunities to demonstrate competence

2. Reminders of past successes

3. Suggestions for making the goal more interesting or challenging (if motivation is low)

4. Etc.

And I also want to highlight what zhezhe does NOT need on D3 stage.

1. Lots of feedback on progress

2. Solutions to problems

Do be cautious to avoid the pitfalls as I made mistake with my teenage daughter, who is also on stage D3 of her study. I used to talk too much and over-supervision, which was backfire and caused tension between us during that period. This is my lessons learned.

match vs mismatch

Again, in this case, zhezhe needs the supporting leadership style to build confident in his competence. What I need to do is to give him space for his ideas. I adopted high supportive and low directive behaviors, via the following approach:

1. Listen and encourage. I listened to him more than I spoke. Be a sounding board to hear his ideas / feelings and reinforced his competence with encouraging words.

2. Ask questions. I facilitated problem solving by asking open-ended questions to help him think about what he knew and what he desired. I asked questions to help him frame his own plan. He already had the competence. I create ample space to let him make decisions.

3. Ask for his input. I asked zhezhe what needs to be done and how. He suggested that he would continue the class and continue practicing every day. I acknowledged his competence and he felt valued out of self-efficacy.

S3

At this end of the conversation, zhezhe would continue progress toward self-reliance.

Of course, I won’t expect this conversation as a one time off. Zhezhe will continue experiencing ups and downs in his piano study and I will side with him and keep supporting him along the way.

8. SLII model in conclusion

SLII is a mindset and framework. It provides a leader with tools that can be used to have an Alignment Conversation.

The purpose of an Alignment Conversation is to focus the leader and the individual contributor on what is most important.

• What are the SMART goals the individual needs to achieve?

• What is the individual’s competence and commitment to achieve those goals independently, without direction or support?

• Which leadership style will help the individual achieve the goal and develop competence and commitment?

Alignment Conversations will get both the leader and the individual contributor on the same page.

SLII model

I’d like to end by sharing the below two quotes about change and leadership.

There are millions of things in our lives that are not in our control. The two things that are in our control, and always will be under our control are: who we are and how we treat others. Control what you can, stop making excuses for yourself, and get to work becoming the best version of you that you can be.

——Hannah Thacker, George Washington University. "Stop Giving Excuses And Be The Person You've Always Wanted To Be”

All meaningful change starts with changing yourself first. Gandhi said it best, “Be the change you wish to see in the world”. Start with yourself, and almost any change is possible. Leaders must model the change they expect from others.

——Steve Proctor; “Reflections on Leadership: Thoughts on Change”

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

The end.